Who’s the next England player to be busted cheating on his wife with prostitutes? Wayne Rooney, come on down! He may not be scoring on the pitch but he sure knows how to put it in when it comes to the hoes.

Rooney was busted for cheating on his wife Colleen with Jennifer Thompson, a £1,000-a-night prostitute, while she was pregnant with their son. He slept with Thompson on several occasions over four months.

You might remember Rooney from previous hooker episodes such as Over 50 Whores. He apologized to his wife back then but was forced to come clean this weekend.

Rooney now expects betrayed Coleen to throw him out of their £5million mansion in Cheshire and begin moves for an explosive divorce. He told a pal yesterday: “My life is in ruins…I’ve been so stupid. Coleen won’t forgive me this time. She will leave me.”

No one has ever accused the striker of being intelligent. They not only stayed in the same hotel every time they hooked up but he also took her out on dates to various Manchester bars and clubs.

Of course, Thompson had no problem selling her story to the Mirror. Some of the details were mundane and what you would expect. However there were some interesting tidbits. He sent her loads of text messages as one would expect. However he also talked to her on Skype under a false name. What? Here’s FourFourTwo’s James Maw’s reaction via Twitter:

If that’s not enough to make this suspect, Thompson is only 21. That’s way too young for Rooney. Then again, we could be wrong. He may take them 8 to 80, dumb, crippled and crazy.

Regardless, Rooney knows Colleen’s going to come around saying, “Wayne, I want half!” Endorsements? Ask Tiger Woods how those are going for him right now.

To be a fly on the wall during Alex Ferguson’s next face to face conversation with Rooney. He’ll pray for the hair dryer treatment.

Watch this clown get jumped by an old man after an apparent argument over the use of profanity.

That showing only deserves half a fist pump. Stay classy, New York.

You’re lucky. I was gonna triple negative your asses there for a second but it’s too early in the morning for that.

England’s version of Green Man has about as much luck as the American one. Charlie got his ass whupped by the Philly Phanatic during the World Series while Joe Green got his arse handed to him in a sack by a group of rival soccer supporters.

Green, a Norwich City supporter, attends home matches in a Green Man costume. He might want to reconsider after getting a beatdown at the hands of Nottingham Forest fans following their draw with Norwich on August 28th.

Teenager Joe Green was left with a suspected broken nose and cuts and bruises to his face after being punched and elbowed in the moments after Saturday’s game away at Nottingham Forest.

The attack came after the 16-year-old, dressed in a bright green “morph” suit, had enjoyed what he thought was friendly banter with opposition fans during Norwich’s 1-1 draw.

He said: “It was all a bit light hearted and then all of a sudden they started making slit your throat signs and I thought I would leave it.”

“…A club steward then intervened by firstly having a word with the Forest fans responsible and then with him.

The life-long City supporter said he then tried to ignore the fans who had made gestures towards him throughout the second half before trying to make sure he avoided them on leaving the ground.

That didn’t work out so well for Green who came out of the incident bloodied and bruised. He intends to keep wearing the bodysuit to matches. He should sit down and watch a few episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It never works out for Green Man on TV either.

Say what you will about the Les Bleus but French league soccer is underappreciated. Many great players in the big European leagues get their start in France. Some come up through many of the exceptional academies or ply their trade on smaller Ligue 1 or Ligue 2 teams before moving to the big time. Watch this amazing back heel pass from a Ligue 2 match.

I couldn’t tell you what teams are playing but who cares. That’s why they call it the beautiful game. It’s certainly not because of Sarah Jessica Parker lookalike Carlos Puyol (Barcelona/Spain). Stomp twice if ya heard me!

Bobby Knight instilled hustle in his Indiana players by chair or slap. Look at former IU basketball radio analyst Todd Leary hustle for that ball. He didn’t want to feel the wrath of Knight. He’s one of those players that took lessons learned on the hardwood and applied them to life.

Knight probably didn’t think Leary would apply his teachings to criminal activities. His former player was arrested and charged with burglary and theft for stealing appliances from foreclosed homes and selling them to an appliance store.

According to a probable cause affidavit, Leary paid two other men to move refrigerators and other appliances out of foreclosed homes and then sold them to an Indianapolis appliance store. When investigators questioned Leary, he allegedly told them that he worked for a company that bought, repaired and then resold foreclosed homes. Leary told police that he picked the homes off an auction listing on the Hamilton County sheriff’s website. But the sheriff’s department denied ever selling any homes to any such company or to Leary, and the homes that were burglarized were tracked to other owners.

Did we mention that he was arrested in February of this year for “misappropriating” almost $1,000,000 from a mortgage company where he was employed? He’s facing up to three years in jail per a plea agreement. The best thing about the February arrest was that it happened at Assembly Hall right before he was supposed to go on air to cover the Purdue-Indiana game.

Leary didn’t waste any time getting back into the groove. That’s the type of hustlin’ that would make Rick Ross proud. Well maybe the annoying homeless guy who tried to sell us an old Playstation and an ankle bracelet on Ludlow St. the other night. Really, homey? I rock Colecovision but I’ll definitely take the bracelet for my friend…yeah my friend.

If Leary hears “Hoosier Daddy” in the prison shower, he better hustle out of there or he’s in big trouble.

France deserve some credit. If there’s a perfect example of multitasking out there, it has to be the French. One has to wonder how they have so much time to pursue racist policies against their own citizens. It seems like cheating is job numéro un. It’s almost an art form or obsession. Don’t blame Theirry Henry for his handball. He can’t help it. It’s in the blood. Even French doctors agree.

Dr. Jean-Pierre Paclet, the French team doctor from 2004-2008, suspected that some members of the 1998 World Cup winning team were using performance-enhancing drugs.

“Blood tests revealed anomalies for several Bleus just before the 1998 World Cup,” he said.

“You can have strong suspicions when you know the clubs where certain players played.

“It’s public knowledge that there were practices which were borderline, to say the least,” Dr Paclet said.

Dr Paclet, the France team doctor from 2004 to 2008, continued: “I’ve invented nothing. Having a high hematocrit level did not prove that they took EPO. As there was no proof we didn’t bother them.”

He added: “Reasons of State carried the day. It was stronger than everything else. In addition that year (economic) growth was at stake for the country … Nevertheless it can’t be said that if we had pursued the tests we would have found proof.”

Interesting. I’m not going to sit here and defend Lance Armstrong against all the doping allegations. Maybe he did or maybe he didn’t. All I know is that the French, like Jeff Novitzky, have an unhealthy desire to nail him for it. Funny how they don’t apply the same standards to their own petulant, lazy, underage prostitute loving athletes in the name of “reasons of state”.

Dr. Jean-Marcel Ferret, the team doctor in 1998, categorically denied the allegations and claimed the anomalies were due to “tiredness from the league”. Whatever you say, guy. He and Paclet can both claim nothing was discovered at the end of the day but neglecting to pursue the tests for “reasons of state” or the fear of what might be found does not clear the air. Unfortunately we’ll never know whether the French team was using PEDs. They need to get back to deporting Roma families and making sure people with foreign-sounding names don’t get jobs. À bientôt!

We like to keep it highbrow here at the Deuce. Diamond-encrusted monocle and ascot style is how we roll. Never mind our name. In spite of that, there’s always room for an exception. Women’s soccer fights always qualify. Watch Oregon’s Mercedes Walters hand out a beatdown to Oklahoma State’s Kyndall Treadwell.

Mercedes Walters is no Elizabeth Lambert but we salute her vigor anyway. It’s good to see someone pick up where LaGarrette Blount left off. Quack quack.

I loved living in Madison besides the winters. I had a great time and met people who I still consider good friends to this day. There were also a random cast of characters who were familiar to anyone who spent time living or hanging out in downtown Madison. One of them was nicknamed “Boot”.

Boot is the former owner of Jocko’s Rocket Ship Bar who’s currently serving time in federal prison for allowing his bar to be used as a coke den. However, few know that he used to be Bucky the Badger during his college days. His employment as Bucky came to an abrupt end when he got shitfaced before a Wisconsin game. He ended up puking and passing out. Did we mention he was wearing the Bucky costume at the time? Some good samaritans picked him up and threw him in the back of a pickup. They dumped his limp, drunken body on the chancellor’s lawn instead of taking him to the hospital or waiting until he woke up. Needless to say, he missed the game and was promptly fired.

That brings us to today and Penn State where the legend of Boot lives on in the Nittany Lion.

Current Nittany Lion mascot Clint Gyory was charged with one count each of misdemeanor public drunkenness and criminal mischief Aug. 24 in connection with an incident that occurred Aug. 1, the State College Police Department said.

Police said Gyory (junior-business management) had a strong odor of alcohol on his breath and registered a blood-alcohol content (BAC) of .187 at the time he was cited.

Gyory, 20, was intoxicated and crawled into the bed of a pickup truck on the 200 block of E. Fairmount Ave. where he passed out, police said.

Gyory also broke a rearview mirror off of a vehicle and took it, police said.

Gyory will not lion up for the month of September. There’s no confirmation on who will wear the Nittany Lion costume this weekend when Penn State plays Youngstown State. Whoever dons the outfit better be able to pick up where Gyory left off. Two years and running. Tradition has to start somewhere. We are Penn State! Well you are. I’m not.

It’s one thing for professional athletes to think that their skills on the field or court mean they can succeed on wax or film. Just ask Kobe Bryant. It’s another thing for musicians to think that being smooth on the mic means they can run a sweet post pattern in the NFL. Apparently that didn’t stop Marvin Gaye from trying to become a wide receiver for the Detroit Lions.

Larry Crowe of the Los Angeles Times has the story of a chance meeting between the Detroit Lions’ Lem Barney and Gaye. Barney and Gaye became friends after the defensive rookie of the year knocked on the singer’s door to introduce himself. Mel Farr, also of the Lions, completed the trio that became fast friends.

The three became tight especially after Tammi Terrell’s death which Gaye didn’t take well (to say the least). He ended up inviting them to appear on his hit “What’s Going On”. Unfortunately Barry Gordy and Motown thought the record was too political and wouldn’t touch it. Gaye refused to record any more music until the single was released.

In the meantime, Gaye bulked up and got the idea that he could play wide receiver for the Lions. Wonder where he got that idea.

Though he had never participated in organized sports, the singer believed he was a gifted athlete.

“I was always a sports fan,” he told David Ritz, author of the 1985 Gaye biography “Divided Soul,” “but I was determined to play for real. I knew I could. . . .

“You see, I had this fantasy: I was in the Super Bowl, with millions of people watching me on TV all over the world, as I made a spectacular leaping catch and sprinted for the winning touchdown.”

Through Barney and Farr, a former UCLA star, Gaye knew most of the Lions and had met their coach, Joe Schmidt.

“So Marvin went in to talk to coach Schmidt about it,” Barney says. “Schmidt asked if he had any film of when he played in high school or college and Marvin hung his head and said, ‘I didn’t play in high school. I didn’t play in college.’ So Schmidt said, ‘What makes you think you can play professional ball?’

“He said, ‘Coach, I just believe the first time I touch the ball I would score a touchdown.’ And Joe said, ‘I like your enthusiasm, so let me think about it.’”

Schmidt says he told the singer, “If I could sing like you, I certainly wouldn’t want to play football,” believing that Gaye and Barney were joking when they first met with him. Only after Gaye returned to meet with the coach a second time, this time unescorted, did Schmidt realize he was serious.

Still, Schmidt was unwilling to put the singer in harm’s way and quickly rejected the idea as unworkable.

Master P and his son weren’t the first musicians to fail at organized sports. Remember Garth Brooks’ pathetic attempts to play for the Padres? Schmidt did the right thing for the sake of music but imagine the Detroit Lions on Hard Knocks talking about Gaye trying to make the team. Matt Millen probably would have signed him to a multi-year contract.

Six months after Gaye recorded “What’s Going On”, Motown released it and it went gold before classic as it is even today. He made a full album by the same name and some assclown was stupid enough to sell it so I could buy it at a second hand store on vinyl for $5. I got five on it and then some. I’m talking about kicking in like Shinobi.

Good on Crowe for bringing this story to the masses but most of you would be well served to watch the American Masters on Marvin Gaye for starters. Better yet, get a compilation or several albums if you don’t know where to start. Remember or learn about when R&B used to be good and had substance.

Here’s your Deuce double feature. Not only do we give you “What’s Going On”. You also get a little “Mercy Mercy Me”. You’re welcome.

Watch Peter Forsberg, Henrik and Daniel Sedin, Markus Naslund, Victor Hedman, and Mats Zuccarello Aasen get their cook on at Swedish restaurant Mamma Mia.

Surprisingly, Forsberg didn’t injure himself making these videos. They didn’t burn the restaurant down either. That already happened in 1994.

These videos should start a trend. We’d love to see a group of boxers like James Toney, Mike Tyson, Roberto Duran and Evander Holyfield take over a kitchen. Gordon Ramsey should think about having them on Hell’s Kitchen. Imagine him trying to yell at one of them.

H/T to Slice and Serious Eats for the videos.