Don’t believe him? Ask the Rolex-wearing Pope. Apparently Cantona gave it to him like an altar boy. Payback’s a bitch, your eminence.

You might remember Manchester United’s Eric “Ooh Aah” Cantona from such incidents as the infamous kung fu kick where he rushed into the crowd and dropkicked a Crystal Palace supporter in 1995.

Well 10 years later, people including two Dieters posing as journalists hadn’t forgiven Cantona for his actions. Let’s say he didn’t take it too well.

NFL players and fans laughed under their breath when the Texans’ Brian Cushing denied using performance enhancing substances after being suspended four games in 2010 for violating the NFL’s PED policy. It’s not often that players call out or mock other players for that unless their name is Rodney Harrison. Rumors swirled about steroid use even before the Texans linebacker was drafted out of USC. He promised to go full OJ and find out how the hormones got into his system. We have yet tpo hear back.

Cushing should have gone full Romo and embraced the use of performance enhancing substances instead of issuing denials that would have made AC Cowlings shake his head. Bill Romanowski didn’t deny using them and anything else that would bring out the crazy. His play and antics on the field backed up his statements. Ain’t no one believe that he wasn’t on the juice. The NFL mic’ed up Cushing for the Texans game against the Browns. Watch this excerpt and see if you think he’s clean

If that’s not ‘roid rage, Blaine Gabbert is a servicable NFL QB. You can watch the full clip here. Watch Cushing’s teammates react to him. It’s as though they’re unsure how to deal with him. “Yeah dude, whatever you say. I gotta go stand over there now.” How long until he goes Michael Westbrook on an unsuspecting teammate who refuses to give him an exploding fist bump?

I haven’t had any interest in watching Dancing with the Stars. The only times I’ve been seen it are when I’ve been forced to watch it by a significant other or my mom. Don’t tell me I don’t understand Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib detainees. I feel their pain like one of the Crimson Twins. I was willing to sell my family and friends up the river for a reprieve after only a few minutes. All that being said, my attitude could change towards the show if reports about next season come to fruition.

TMZ is reporting that DWTS is in negotiations with the former Ron Artest to appear on the show this upcoming season.

Nothing’s official yet — but sources tell us, both Artest and “Dancing” producers have been in touch to hash out a possible deal … and Ron’s pretty excited about the prospect.

But here’s the catch — “Dancing” won’t end ’til November and basketball season typically starts in October … which means if the lockout ends early, Ron could be S.O.L.

That said, Ron could theoretically handle both commitments simultaneously — because as TMZ first reported, “Dancing” producers are desperate for A-list talent … so there will be NO minimum rehearsal requirement next season.

Oh please let this happen. Artest may have changed his name to Metta World Peace but don’t act like you couldn’t see him blowing up over a low score from one of the judges. How long into the season would we have to wait until stories start coming out about him texting pictures of his dick to his dance partner?

Who’s going to tell Artest that’s not a dance move? Will he insist that they dance to one of his own tracks?

Hines Ward had Jerome Bettis or Franco Harris present to cheer him on. I don’t even know which one was be there. Artest would find some crazy fool to represent for him. I’d love to see a chimp in a Lakers jersey and Rec-Specs (shout out to Rambis) in the crowd every week. Maybe AC Green could show up and sit uncomfortably while the couples grind up on each other. You gotta feel sorry for his wife. His load probably blew her back out after being pent up for so long. She’s probably in physical therapy to this day.

Anyway, Artest on DWTS needs to happen. They might want to continue with the crazy and think bigger. Imagine deposed dictators as contestants. Too bad Saddam Hussein and Idi Amin are dead. They would be perfect. Warlords would make for great viewing. Some former Congolese rebel leader who eats chimps and people or a former Serbian general would liven things up. Don’t waste your time contacting your Congressperson about the debt ceiling. They’re all assclowns and you know it. Phone, email, fax or carrier raven ABC and tell them to get on board with this hotness.

Bernard Hopkins knows all about losing a fight after talking shit. That’s why he’s the perfect person to comment on David Haye’s pathetic performance vs. Vladimir Klitschko earlier this month.

Hopkins executed Haye fast enough to make the Taliban jealous.

When asked his opinion of Haye’s performance against Klitschko in Hamburg, the oldest world champion in ring history said: ‘If you want a typical Bernard Hopkins response – he bitched.’

That brutal ghetto dismissal of Haye’s manhood came with this challenge from the 46-year-old former middleweight and current light-heavyweight champion who has been toying with a rise to boxing’s marquee division: ‘I would fight David Haye tomorrow.

‘I was shocked by him against Klitschko, You can’t trash talk the way he did for two or three years and then not deliver. I don’t like to question any fighter’s heart. But to see him go in there and then keep flopping (onto the floor) I would spot him 20 lbs (in weight advantage).

‘The heavyweight division has been in a coma for almost ten years and Haye was given the stage, the opportunity, to fight his heart out. If you do that, even if you don’t win, you can come back. But as soon as he started flopping down on his knees I knew it was over.’

When reminded that Haye had followed the loss of his WBA world title by citing that now-infamous foot injury, Hopkins laughed and said: ‘Oh yeah, his pinky. Tell you what, I’ll spot him 50 lbs. You don’t even walk on your little toe.’

Hopkins was promoting the Amir Khan-Zab Judah fight last week along with Joe Calzaghe who beat him in a split decision in 2008. He’s hoping for a rematch but the Welshman wasn’t biting. Haye weakly claimed he should have a rematch against Klitschko but he’s better off retiring or fighting on smaller circuits for sandwiches like Boxcar Willie and the Honky Tonk Man. No one is interested in seeing him flop and moan for 12 rounds again.

Here’s a little Channel Live to start your morning.

Note: Statements by KRS-One regarding Lionel Richie are his and his alone. They do not represent the views and opinions of the Deuce. Lionel’s style is far from bitchy (except when his ex Brenda beat his ass on the front lawn).

It was Sunday afternoon. Wasn’t a damn thing funny. Bitch, Manchester City has that money. Apparently it pays for penalties against MLS teams and mediocre strikers.

While most English Premier League teams are bedazzling foreign countries with the ugliest of new jerseys, out of shape players and bullshit pre-season training, City’s Mario Balotelli is showing the world what his midseason form is all about.

The guy [Dzeko] who only scored one goal for City last season calling Balotelli out? Priceless. “I may go straight Torres on a goal but I can’t go for that“.

Balotelli throwing a “vaffanculo” at City manager Roberto Mancini? That’s a benching. He ended last season starting a fight with Manchester United players after City’s FA Cup win, cursing on TV in his post-match interview and getting smacked down in a club after hitting on some guy’s girlfriend. If this is his pre-season, we can’t wait until the Premier League kicks off. Consider this post the first entry in the Balotelli Blotter. Wherever he fucks up, we’ll be there. Stick with us. It’ll be worth your time.

And yes that was a Cheap Trick to get that Chromeo/Daryl Hall video in there. See how that happened?