Messiah To Write Holy Bible 2: Electric Boogaloo But Can’t Save Broncos

Where’s your messiah now, McDaniels? He’s off writing a book instead of using his powers to vanquish the Broncos’ rivals and save his coach’s job. Selfish bastard.

Tim Tebow has already accomplished everything humanly possible. There’s nothing left to do but tell the story of how he became the backup for the Denver Broncos.

Former Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow is working on an inspirational memoir.

Tebow is collaborating with Nathan Whitaker on “Through My Eyes,” scheduled to come out in April. HarperCollins announced the book Monday.

Read the story about how he led the Gators to the SEC Championship in his last season. Be amazed at the miracles he pulled in the Pacific. Did you know that every Filipino baby he circumscised became a saint and can stop bullets with their minds? Oh to have foreskin again.

Tebow’s autobiography could start a disturbing trend among young professional athletes in this country. England has seen several soccer stars write autobiographies before they hit the age of 30. As one might imagine, their books are as empty and vapid as their interviews and play for England. They’ve achieved nothing except extreme wealth and arrogance combined with a disregard for the common man. Even if they aren’t pompous, they don’t have much to say about their sheltered, pampered lives especially at that age.

The last thing we need is more of this nonsense cluttering the shelves. Many athletes wait until the end of their careers to write an autobiography. It would seem that would be the time to reflect upon one’s career. Success in college doesn’t ensure a long NFL career. Just ask every quarterback to come out of Florida. Being a winner in college isn’t unique or especially that interesting. Tebow may be more mature than many others coming out of college even if you take away the pious hype but that doesn’t mean that his insight into his career to date will be anything to worth reading for anyone besides Florida fans. I consider myself a diehard Chelsea fan but I have no desire to read Ashley Cole or Frank Lampard’s autobiographies. Manager Carlo Ancelotti? Absolutely. (A great read by the way. A review will be coming in the next couple days.)

If Tebow’s writing the book to preach his beliefs then a heads up would be great so anyone not interested won’t be subjected to whatever bathtub mint julep nonsense may be in it.

Tebow hasn’t accomplished anything. He was successful at the college level but has yet to accomplish anything professionally beside score two touchdowns. Colt McCoy is more successful than him so far. Think about that.

If that’s all it takes, I demand autobiographies from Brady Quinn and Kevin Kolb. While we’re at it, Sergio Kindle should write a book. He could talk about injuring himself and still getting a contract. See you can smoke crack like a mayor (Marion Barry not Kindle) or fall down two flights of stairs and still make it big, kids. Now that’s knowledge people can use. If I want advice on circumcision, I’ll go to a rabbi or Congolese village priest not an unproven NFL quarterback. Proven like Mark Rypien or Trent Dilfer? I’m all ears.

Tagged with: Autobiographies • Breakin 2 • Denver Broncos • England • Florida Gators • NFL • Soccer • Tim Tebow

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