Chael Sonnen Exudes the American Way of Politics
We’ve unleashed the fury that is MMA expert Turd Ferguson. We fully expect to lose him to a better Website any day now:
Apple pie. Hand guns. The missionary position. Few things truly measure up to the true test of American-ness like running for local office with hopes of changing the way business is done in (insert state capital, or just “Washington, DC”).
Throw in the fact that your local leader literally beats the competition for a living, and you could have a winning combination. Yes, like all budding politicians, Chael Sonnen was on a mission to clean up the corrupt halls of the capital, Portland….err…Salem(?), Oregon, and like numerous local and national politicos, Sonnen has unfortunately fallen upon his sword of ethics in restoring credibility to the political process.
(Scans article, lips moving the entire time)
Without doing any research, an educated guess would be that Sonnen’s platform combined tough talk on taxes with a promise for a referendum requiring Oregonian women to shave their pits and wash their hair. Slap my buttocks, stick me quick, and let’s take it to the mat, ESPN:
“Sonnen, 33, entered the plea Monday before the U.S. District Court in Portland, Ore., according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Sentencing is scheduled for March 28 at 11:30 a.m. The government will recommend that Sonnen be sentenced to two years of probation, according to The Oregonian. The maximum sentence for money laundering is 20 years in prison and a fine of $500,000.”
Sonnen actually “admitted that a financial transaction he conducted was designed to conceal or disguise the ownership and control of the proceeds of wire fraud,” according to a Department of Justice (DOJ) statement.
Specifically, Sonnen allegedly arranged for a title company to pay $69,000 to a plumbing company for repairs to a Portland home, inwhich he was involved in the sale. The release states that Sonnen knew that no repairs would be made to the home. Once the loan was funded, according to the DOJ, the plumbing company was directed by Sonnen to pay $65,000 to the purchaser as a cash incentive for purchasing the property.
Interestingly enough, in 2010, Sonnen ran for a seat in the Oregon House of Representatives, winning the Republican primary in the state’s 37th District. However, he withdrew from the race in June, citing “a 2006 legal issue that needs my immediate attention.”
Throw in the fact that Sonnen possibly cheated (or passed?) his steroids test (you know those neo-hippie education standards today where everybody is a winner and gets a trophy?) and its been a rough year for the Sonnen household. Honestly, though, sooner or later, all politicians let us down, even Bill Clinton (dude, if you live in the White House, there is no excuse to sack any sixes and sevens!)
And now, in honor of another great American that ran afoul of the law:
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