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Me and Chicken Little Have Something in Common

The sky is falling, okay it isn’t.  But, I have been gone a while so I feel like being dramatic.   I have been waiting, looking forward to, and longing for this football season for a long time.  Let’s just say I had a rough summer.  Then, fall arrived, and with it came pre-season rankings, fantasy football drafts, and fresh starts for every football team- fantasy, NFL, and college alike. 

If you’re anything like me, you obsess about this new beginning.  Every coaching hire, every acquisition, every rank.  Then, your fantasy draft day arrives and with it not long after week one making you realize, as i did, that most of the ranking and the research meant nothing.  It was all names on paper, whatever the media and teams felt like sharing, and some knowledgeable guesswork. 

It’s always this way to a degree.  But, this year, unlike others in recent memory, predictions and educated guesses were all thrown out the window.  The 49ers were supposed to be the popular upside pick on the rise, right?  The Cowboys are supposed to make it to the Superbowl being held in their own stadium.  This had to be the year the talent on paper showed up on the field in week 1.  The Chiefs and the Bucs couldn’t be all that good, could they?  Tomlinson couldn’t have enough juice left in his legs to cast a shadow on Shonn Greene. 

But then the Cowboys lost 2 in a row, Green was showed up by the supposedly washed up LT, the Chiefs were 2-0, and then, to top it off, Peyton Hillis scored 32 fantasy points against the Ravens, who hadn’t given up a rushing TD in either 2 previous games this season, while riding my bench in week 3.  While I know I am not alone, when it fell on top of MY head, I really felt it.  This season there seems to be some awful football being played.  Or is it just me?  I am not saying there isn’t any quality football being played.  I am simply saying that I am shocked at the level, and amount, of mediocrity. 

Maybe this has something to do with the fact that injuries are reigning over the NFL, leaving those with Chris Johnson, Ray Rice, Andre Johnson, Mike Turner, or pretty much anyone playing QB for the Eagles, to begin the drop/add waiver wire game, or the handcuff game, that all of us as fantasy managers, and more importantly those working in front offices, know so well. The high ankle sprains, toe injuries, groin issues, and NO, I am not referring to the Kansas City junk grabbing week 1 and 2 drama, have probably touched most of us at this point, pun intended. 

But injuries aren’t to blame everywhere and some things could have been predicted.  The Cowboys were just overrated.  Again.  I don’t care if they beat the Texans.  Marion Barber and Felix Jones should be tearing it up.  They should not wait until their coaches job is on the line, again, to win a game.  Peyton is dominating and it doesn’t matter who is on the field catching the ball when he’s the one throwing it.   He finds a way for his team to win.  The Chargers are, once again, having a slow start despite Rivers throwing for over 300 yards.   Arizona is bad. 

A psychic in the East Village could have “predicted” these things for a $5 palm reading.  But, other things, not so much.  Mike Martz and Jay Cutler seem to be in love.  Vick got the starting job a day after Andy Reid assured us Kolb was his man, which wasn’t long after he traded his franchise QB to a division rival making everyone really believe Kolb was his man.  The Rams, and their fans, have to be looking forward to the many wins they now have to know are coming this decade.  Ben Roethlisberger?  Who?   The Steelers don’t need a pro bowl QB with a super bowl ring to win games.  It seems any guy off the street can play QB for them.  Hey!  Hey, you!  Want to play quarterback for the Steelers?  Big Ben is no longer needed and the way Pittsburgh fans were feeling about Roethlisberger before they were winning without him might just lead to him losing his starting gig.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they start him immediately but, I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t.  They are one of the only teams in football I would say this about, we all know what the Jets would do

After three weeks of football season I have been wondering what some of these teams were doing this off season?  For example, I know the NFL has become a run by committee league.  But, really, someone should have told the brilliant mind of Bill Belichick that even 3 brittle mediocre RBs would not lead to a running game other teams would fear.  Especially when your star wide receiver is getting older.  Still talented, no doubt, but older.  Minnesota really did put all their eggs in Farve’s basket.  How’s that working out for them?  Working out in the local high school stadium is not the same as training camp it seems.  I, for one, am shocked to learn this. 

Many teams seem to have ignored, or could not manage to aqcuire the talent needed to fill their holes.  The Saints, Patriots, Jaguars, Giants, Cowboys, and there are more teams I am omitting, have clear personnel problems, or lack of personnel causing problems, costing games, and possibly costing some teams their whole season. 

I can say from experience that it is awful to realize only 3 weeks into the season that the season already appears over for the team you root for.  Take solice in the fact that if One Tree Hill can manage to stay on the air for this long, there has to be some way those in this position can get passed the frustration and keep watching football on Sundays without throwing the new 55″ LED LCD television you purchased right before this season started out the window, right?  I mean, there’s still a fantasy team to manage and picks to make at least, right? 

There has to be something that can be learned from all this. So, in no particular order, here is what I learned, or learned before but forgot and then quickly remembered, in no particular order.

  • Handcuffs are worth the bench space.  I don’t care that there are reports Ray Rice is walking without a limp and is reporting he feels fine.  The MRI results haven’t been announced yet.  He’s on my fantasy team and I already picked up McGahee.  If I owned Mike Turner, I would own Jason Snelling too.  There always has to be someone you can drop.  Like, for example, Eddie Royal.  Just like last season, he’s an unpredictable tease.  I am sure there’s an Eddie Royal or a Shonn Greene on your roster just waiting to be dropped.  Then again, the week you drop them is always the week they break out.  Don’t worry if it happens, they’ll be back to tease and break someone else’s heart the week after.
  • The NFL is insane to be thinking about expanding to 18 games while also adding restrictions to off season work-outs.  The green, oh, I’m sorry, I meant the greed, is messing with their heads.  If Steven jackson, Andre Johnson, Mike Turner, Ray Rice, and the many concussions haven’t convinced them this is an awful idea, nothing will.  I blame the monkey commercials.  People really do want to see 2 more weeks of monkey commercials. 
  • A great coach and/or a great defense can win games.  No prolific running, or passing, game is required. 
  • An internal team turmoil that we can see is present, but will never really be fully reported, can kill a season.  Just watch the Giants yelling right behind Coughlin on the side lines.
  • Unless you are Peyton Manning, one player cannot carry an entire team for an entire season.  Sorry Drew Brees.  Any comparisons to Peyton should just stop.  There were other greats, there are other greats, there will be other greats.  But, he isn’t just great. 

So, if you’ve already given up on your team for the season, there’s always fantasy, or an underdog team you can’t help but enjoy watching win.  And, if that isn’t enough for you, keep in mind that next year there might not be any football to watch (wow, it seems I turned 30 and started actually becoming my mother, perspective and all).

The Giants have been under pressure from their team president, CEO, and co-owner John Mara after the miserable end to a disappointing 2009 season.  Last year, Mara spent $86 million in salary and bonuses to attempt to fix their defense.  We all know how that turned out.  The defense gave up over 40 points a game in 3 out of their last 4 games.  So, at the end of last season, John Mara said he was “unhappy at everybody.” 

But the off-season seemed to be looking up.  Their new stadium was unveiled, they were awarded the 2014 superbowl, got a new defensive coordinator who the players haven’t been threatening to walk out on, and they signed pro bowl safety Antrel Rolle from Arizona. 

But, what goes up, must come, you guess it, down.  Training camp doesn’t open for 6 weeks but, at practice last week, the Giants decided to let their starters try out the new field and it’s new turf.  That’s the kind of move that will get one of your starting players injured during a punt return…oh right, that actually happened.  Dominik Hixon is now out for the entire 2010 season due to an ACL tear.  I know his injury is old news but, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to ask management the following question, isn’t this why teams have practice squads?  Hixon is a huge loss on special teams.  He set single season franchise records in 2009 returning 57 punts for 1,291.  That was 5th in the NFL.  So, yeah, no biggie. 

While Jerry Reese said the new turf had nothing to do with Hixon’s injury, after the injury he took another look.  

“Actually I just went over there and looked at the field again and we talked about some things that may need to be changed in respect to the field. We’re working on that, we hope to have all the kinks out before we get on it again.”

Antrel Rolle told,   

“I don’t know what it was,” Rolle said. “My feet were burning at the bottom on the turf. I was slipping on each and every play. It just didn’t feel good to me at all. I can’t lie to you about that. I am not one to really complain or make excuses or anything but they should definitely look into that as far as playing on that field in the future during the season.”

He wasn’t the only player to voice concern either.  “I thought it was real slippery,” wide receiver Steve Smith said. “We were all slipping and stuff. Hopefully it settles in when more people do stuff on it.”  Okay, fine.  But can the more people please be people like Sinorice Moss?  

Finding a Diamond in the Football Rough

After all of the 255 names were called at the NFL draft last week, there were many players who would have loved to be Mr. Irrelevant.   There are many players who would have appreciated sitting sitting in the green room looking awkward and embarrassed while waiting for their name to be called.  Because, better late than never, right?  Think about it.  They get together with their families, friends, or whoever.  They might even have a party.  Then, they slide further then where they thought they’d be.  So they wait.  And then the team they thought would take them passes to take a better player that was still on the board for the simple reason that some GM, or owner, was smoking some crack.   So they keep waiting.  And then they wait some more.  This year, the torture waiting stretched over three days. 

But, for many teams, and for many players, the draft is just the beginning of the search to figure out who will be a part of the following season’s roster.  Before the draft ends, before the ink is dry on the contracts, before a single bite of a porterhouse steak is eaten, every NFL team is looking on their draft board to see which players were still waiting to celebrate.  Then, the mad dash to sign the undrafted guys begins.  For some players, all they can hope for is a try-out.  For others, the draft may not even be over when they are celebrating the relief that came in the form of a phone call from a team wanting to sign them if they remain undrafted.  Some teams have even given try-outs to guys who never played football.  Antonio Gates played basketball for Kent State and Vince Papale was a 30 year old high school teacher and bartender before he was Invincible.  This year, the Patriots are giving a try-out to a wrestler, John Wise, since it worked out for Belichik with Stephen Neal. 

For some players, remaining undrafted is a blessing in disguise.  They often get the same $25,000 signing bonus as the players drafted at the end of the 7th round.  But, there is an added addition.  They may be able to choose where they land.  When there are multiple teams calling with offers, they get to choose where they end up.  So, if they are a safety and one of the two team’s are deep at the safety position they can choose to go to the other team.  I am sure last year Matt Stafford might have thought twice about heading to Detroit.  Remember that game where his dead was hanging at his side and they STILL left him in the game?  Yeah, I think he would have preferred a choice, don’t you?

Undrafted free agents are also the keys to success for many teams .  For one, they’re cheap.  Many teams sign contracts worth $30, $40, or even $50 million for their first round pick.  With all those eggs in that one basket, many teams want to try and get more bang for their buck.  Second, they have something to prove.  After the draft, these players dreams are riding on luck, heart, and hard work.  Third, behind every draft, is a list of players who never amount to much and another list of undrafted free agents who end up making the pro bowl, or many pro bowls, during their career.  Let’s be honest, even the teams who have successful drafts year after year miss every now and then.  Undrafted free agents have to compete for a starting spot just like everyone else.  So, there are many who become success stories.  Just imagine a coach’s satisfaction after his dollar bin find turns into a game day contributor, nevermind a pro bowler.  

The list of undrafted free agents who have had successful careers is a long one.  But here’s a list of a few who made the pro bowl in the past few seasons. 

  • Tony Romo (Please note, this is the only time, I repeat, ONLY TIME, I will say anything remotely positive about Romo.)
  • Wes Welker
  • Kurt Warner
  • Miles Austin
  • Antonio Gates
  • Willie Parker
  • Antonio Pierce
  • Adam Vinatieri
  • Shaun O’hara

Isn't the resemblance uncanny?

That being said, there are some teams who are more successful at picking up undrafted free agents than others. As much as I dislike Mr. Burns, I mean Bill Belichik, he has a proven record of success, shocker, when it comes to signing undrafted free agents.  The league average is 13 per team.  The patriots had 18 on their roster last year.  And, so far, they signed another six this year.   But this year’s leader going into rookie minicamp are the New York Giants.   The Giants have signed 12 undrafted free agents and have another 25 undrafted players stopping by the stadium for a try-out. 

So, the draft is over but the work has just begun.  And the next time you are talking with your friends about how much money some team wasted in the 2010 NFL draft on some garbage first round pick, be the person who mentions the steal from the bottom of the abyss only to be rescued by some team who took a chance.

Does this Jersey, Like, Make Me Look Fat?

I'm sorry, what?

Just in case you didn’t know before reading this, I am a girl.  And, like any stereotypical girl, I also happen to be rather fond of shopping. I like shopping for pretty much anything, clothes, purses, shoes, and make-up. I even like the trying on part but, I’ll be honest that I especially like the buying part.  There is just one exception to my love of shopping, I LOATHE shopping for fan gear. 

I hate it so much, I avoid it at all costs and sometimes just opt for wearing my team’s colors.  Why the seething hatred?  Because shopping for fan gear is an extremely frustrating experience. Why? Because I don’t like sparkles, pink (unless it’s the teams color or made to raise awareness for breast cancer), team earrings, team purses, going to a game looking like I am there solely to whore myself, or wearing clothes that don’t fit. Yeah, that’s a lot to dislike.  Hence the moving on to loathing levels. 

Women can’t buy fitted baseball caps.  Instead,  We have to buy those baseball caps with the metal belt thingy in the back, which is miserable to adjust, or buy the plastic snap adjustable ones, which never fit right and look silly when you have a long piece of plastic leftover in the back.  I am sure you are not shocked to learn I do not own a single baseball cap.  At rainy games, I wish I had a hat that fit right.  At sunny games, I wish I had a hat that fit right. 

Women also can’t buy authentic NFL Jersey’s.  Replica and premier jerseys only.  Need help choosing from the options that are available?  Take a look at’s guidelines for women shopping for a jersey: 

“Women’s NFL® jerseys from Reebok® have a slimmer, shorter, tighter fit that hits just below the waistline. NFL Shop customer feedback suggests that you should select a size larger than normal when purchasing these jerseys. If you prefer a boxier cut, a kids’ size may fit better, and if you’re looking for a fuller cut and longer length, choose a smaller men’s jersey.”

Gee thanks, but the guide doesn’t work.  Don’t tell me it’s too hard to make clothes that fit us cause if Target can make girls strapless dresses that fit just fine, I have faith that the multi-billion dollar industry that is the NFL can figure it out.  But they haven’t yet.  Women’s jerseys never fit right.  They are too short, too tight in the boobs, and too big everywhere else.  Who thought having boobs should cause a problem?  Clearly the makers of jerseys think women should be flat-chested.  So, I can buy a smaller men’s jersey, right?  Wrong.  The smaller sizes of the men’s jerseys are down to my mid thighs at a minimum and sometimes down to my knees.  So, I usually opt to go with the kids jerseys, which always makes me think, seriously?  Is this really the best they can offer?  At least I get to save money, right?   Right, but I would still rather pay more for something that fit properly.

It also seems as if the marketing geniuses, probably men, thought that in order to make women purchase fan gear, it needed to be sparkly or come in pink

Pink and sparkly at one time, YAY!

It isn’t completely their fault though.  There are a lot of women out there who want pink sparkly clothes available for every occasion, including their one and only trip to The Green Monster

Hmmm, why does he look so happy? Oh, I totally get it now. He's not a Romo fan. He's trying to make fun of Romo? Jessica? Wait, I'm still not sure.

Quite frankly, in my opinion, the only jersey that should be made in pink is Tony Romo’s but, it should come in all sizes so that even his male fans can be forced to wear it when he fumbles away their playoff chances next time. Just kidding.  Okay, I lied, I’m not.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why sports stores offer them.  They offer them because girls, who are more concerned about how they look in orange and think they look like, so much better in pink, buy them.  However,  they should be offered as an option, for girls below the age of 13 only, ID required for purchase.  It shouldn’t be force fed down my throat every time I walk into a Modell’s.  To be honest, I don’t think other women should wear them either.  But, the only way to make stores stop selling them is for girls to stop buying them.  So, PLEASE, stop buying them.  Remember last year when the Titans decided to stomp all over some terrible towels on the sideline?  After the game, it was repeated all over the media, discussed endlessly, and was considered a display of intended disrespect?  Wearing a pink jersey is kinda like that.  So, in my opinion, fan gear should be worn in the authentic team colors only, and, should not be worn in the form of a pair of earrings or an ugly purse.  So, until the teams I root for change their colors to include pink, which I seriously doubt will ever happen, I will never be caught dead in one. 

There needs to be a better option and it seems there are others who agree with me.  There have been recent efforts to tap into the female fan market.  MLB has been at the front of a movement to offer female fans options while baseball reap’s the benefits of tapping into an undervalued market with few desirable options.  So, what made MLB wake up and pay attention?   I would also like to think that someone recognized that men will continue wearing their favorite players t-shirt or jersey long after the shirt is stained, wripped, torn, or their favorite player has retired.  Women, on the other hand, will want options in their wardrobe based on weather, time of the game, or who’s playing that day.  I mean shoot, I know I would never wear a shirt again after there was a big mustard stain on it, I;m just sayin.  Or, someone figured out that MLB Statistics indicate women account for over 40% of fans in attendance at their games.  In leading this movement, MLB partnered with Alyssa Milano and G-III apparel to launch the Touch Line.  The line was then introduced into the NFL, and now, the NHL as well with some college gear thrown in.  Some of the clothes are actually pretty cute.  HOWEVER, most of the items offered are tight, short, show lots of cleavage, and are super-girly, by which I mean you can’t even tell it’s fan gear unless you look very very closely, if anyone looking ever got past the cleavage, that is.  

I am apologizing in advance if this is your mom in her mom jeans.

I know the men reading this aren’t complaining; however, picture that shirt on someone who doesn’t look like Alyssa Milano.  Plus, excuse me if I don’t want to take her fashion advice.  She dated Eric Nies, Carl Pavano, Barry Zito, and Brad Penny.  That’s like a parade of athletic douches.  So, maybe she is designing these clothes for girls who want to look like they date douches?  Word of advice ladies.  You don’t want to look like you want to date a douche, do you?  To be fair though, some of it is wearable and pretty cute.  The hoodies, some t-shirts, and that’s about it.  Tunics and baby doll dresses with a red sox logo on it isn’t my idea of fan gear.

Instead of making further improvements; however, female fan gear has just taken a step backwards.  For all the girls who wear those lame ass sweat pants with Juicy across your asses that make you look like you take it up the ass, Victoria Secret has made something for you.  They just had to throw their hats in the ring with their PINK brand.  I can see the whores, oops I meant hordes, of girls now.  Before you know it, the shirts will say hottest _____fan, right across their ass.  I personally can’t wait because, trust me, even in jeans and a normal t-shirt, when I talk about sports, guys always take me seriously.  These items of clothing will undoubtedly make the girls wearing it look like they are at the game for anything other than the game itself, even if it isn’t true. 

So, fashion designers take note, make something more appropriate, I can guarantee you at least one customer.

Why Do Jews Suck at Sports?

It’s Passover, so…uh….L’Chaim?  I am not a very good jew. This is evidenced by the fact that I spent the first night of Passover playing bocce ball in a bar with my friends and drinking cider instead of sitting at a sedar drinking kosher wine eating Matzoh ball soup.  But, because it’s Passover, I find myself thinking, why is it that Jews are not so good at sports? Don’t get me wrong, we’re good at being fans.  We can manage some fantasy teams, bet some games, and remain grateful NFL games are on Sundays.  Not to mention, Al Davis has clearly set the bar going forward for professional team ownership but, every time Jewish people playing professional sports gets discussed at any family dinner, and if you’re Jewish or have been to a Jewish family holiday dinner, you know what I’m talking about, inevitably, Sandy Koufax is brought up.  Usually right before or right after someone complains about the Brooklyn Dodgers.  (As an aside, and completely off topic, I am convinced the Brooklyn Dodgers logo, the B, is the reason bitter Brooklyn Dodgers turned Yankees fans, started hating the Red Sox, but not really).  Back to the point though, it’s like Sandy Koufax is the “you can do it” for every Jewish kid who plays a sport from birth until about 16.  That is, of course, because at 16 his or her dad starts to pressure him, or her, to try to get into med school, law school, or become a CPA. 

Oh wait, it’s really because all we have is Sandy Koufax… and a few others that me, my dad, and the other Jews reading this know of.  It seems Jews can make some movies, balance some budgets, and represent players in their contract negotiations but, Jewish people seem to be lacking in the throwing, catching, running, tackling, dunking department.

Want to Change Careers?

St. John’s basketball program, or what was left of it, is falling apart.  Georgia Tech’s Paul Hewitt reportedly turned down their offer and withdrew himself from consideration.  Quite honestly, St. John’s is going to have trouble filling their coaching position with any decent established coaching talent.  The fall of St. John’s basketball program is right up there for me with the fall of the Knicks.  Remember when St. John’s coach was Fran Fraschilla and the Red Storm actually won games and went to the NCAA tournament?  Unfortunately, I do. 

When I was a kid, St. John’s was my team.  They have the 7th most NCAA tournament appearances in history.  It’s just a shame only one of those appearances was this century and there is a shadow hanging over it.  There has been speculation as to why St. John’s can’t get a coach like Billy Donovan.  Those who though there was a chance of Donovan leaving Florida for St. John’s were smoking some crack.  But, let me assure you, it isn’t because players and coaches don’t want to move to New York.  It also isn’t because coaches don’t like New Yorkers.  Those who speculate such reasons have obviously never visited St. John’s University or lived in New York City.  So, allow me to break it down. 

Contrary to what many across the country believe, St. John’s is not really in New York City anymore.  Okay, technically it is.  But it’s in Jamaica, Queens.  When people think of NYC, they think of brownstones, subways, yellow taxis always available at your disposal, and a City that never sleeps.  They think this because  in Manhattan, and in certain parts of Brooklyn and Queens, there are pedestrians walking the streets at all hours, last call for booze in bars is usually 3 or 4 AM even on a Tuesday, bodegas open on every corner at any hour, and subways running 24/7.  They don’t think of Jamaica, Queens.  To City Dwellers, Queens is suburbia.  There is grass there and actual houses.  The houses even have backyards and pools.  Bars are not lining every street, cabs are impossible to find, nothing is open in the wee hours when college kids are ordering delivery, and if you have to take the subway, you are waiting for lines like the N and the R, which I like to call the Never and the Rarely. 

This wasn’t always the case.  In 1960, St. John’s relocated the main campus from Brooklyn in Bed-Stuy to Queens.  Bed Stuy has its own history, roots, culture, and is located pretty close to Manhattan so, St. John’s had no problem recruiting when it was located there.  And, when the campus was moved to Queens, there were no dorms on the new campus.  NCAA rules allow schools without dorms on campus to provide scholarship atheletes a housing stipend for their “living expenses.”  This rule didn’t allow St. John’s to pay just any housing stipend.  It allowed for a stipend to be paid based on the cost of living where the school was located.  Think about the cost of living in New York City.  If you have ever lived in New York City, or even visited it, you know an apartment the size of a shoebox goes for more than two bedroom duplexes do in most suburban areas.  One player’s housing stipend at St. John’s would probably have been enough to rent an apartment in West Virginia for each of the school’s starting  five.  Or probably like 8,000 hot dogs from street vendors.  The school could pay out the stipend without ever asking how much the athlete’s living expenses actually cost!  This means that players who were able to find housing for less than their stipend were able to pay their rent and pocket the rest to spend on whatever college kids spend their money on-booze, video games, the dollar menu, whatever.  Even more unbelievable, local players could live at home with their parents and pocket THE ENTIRE STIPEND.  So yeah, that was a HUGE draw for St. John’s to recruit local high school basketball players that were interested in living and playing basketball in New York City.  

On a campus that looks like any other suburban college filled with green lawns, trees, and buildings you know are filled with nothing but lots and lots and lots of books, St. John’s is competing with every other school in the country without the “bonus” of the stipend or the City.  So, those players now go elsewhere, and I don’t blame them.  Just take a look at all the local New York area talent going elsewhere in the Big East.  Da’Sean Butler, the starting forward for West Virginia who averages 17.5 ppg, went to high school in Newark, NJ.  James Sutherland, a freshman forward for Syracuse, went to high school in Bayside, Queens.  Corey Fisher, a junior Guard for Villanova, is from the Bronx.  These are all local players.  Local players who 20 years ago might have considered going to St. John’s.

With the stipend advantage lost, how is St. John’s supposed to lure top tier talent onto their court?  Location?  No.  Campus?  No.  Academics for those students wishing to earn a degree?  Not likely.   The culture and night life available in Queens isn’t going to do it, that’s for sure. 

The next question then becomes, without the advantage to recruit top-tier talent, how is St. John’s supposed to lure a top-tier coach?  My answer, probably the same way the Knicks are going to lure LeBron James to play for them.

Letter to the Producers

Dear sportscenter producers,

Since there has been hardly anything on ESPN for the last 3 weeks other than sports announcers, ex NCAA basketball players, analysts, and people I am convinced you guys found on the street telling me what the field will look like, how to fill out my bracket, giving me expert picks, telling me who the next Stephen Curry will be, and shouting about how awesome the Big East is and how overrated the ACC is, I am wondering why your show decided it would be an excellent idea to produce a segment twenty minutes into your show last night about HOCKEY?!?! 

No offense to hockey or its 500 fans, but I know you producers over there are aware that most people weren’t watching sportscenter last night for the latest hockey news or highlights. Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t cover hockey during the NCAA tournament.  What I am saying is that the least you can do is spend enough time on the tournament to show me the highlights from the other games going on somewhere else in the country yesterday that I couldn’t watch.  Even if people watched the tournament yesterday at work, took the day off to watch, or went for a LONG lunch yesterday, they still weren’t able to watch all the games at the same time because CBS, who also has stupid producers, thinks its a great idea to keep the game in your region running-NO MATTER WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE RESO OF THE COUNTRY.  They don’t care that the other 2 games are in double overtime or down to the last 2 minutes with the score within 6.  Viewers are lucky if those producers cut away from your region’s game for 30 seconds or to show the ending of a buzzer beater. 

So, from now on can you guys make the hockey fans wait another 15 minutes for their 5 minutes of coverage?  Thanks.  I expect this from CBS but, I fully expected better from you, sportscenter.  Then again, you guys did have the Jonas Brothers on. 

Yeah, you read that right. Serena Williams just returned from Kenya, Africa where she was opening a second school for children. The school is named The Serena Williams Secondary school. Oprah can do things like this. She’s Oprah!!! Rainbows, candy, and unicorns follow her wherever she goes.

Serena Williams is not Oprah. Her horrendous display of sportsmanship, in my opinion, should never have been glorified by awarding her female athlete of the year. Way to be a role model for all those young female athletes of the world. So, maybe this is an attempt to repair her public image?

Or maybe not. After spending a whole three days in Kenya, she posted on twitter how happy she was to be returning home. Maybe that’s because she would rather be the student. Just days before leaving for Kenya, Serena enrolled herself in school to become a nail technician! Why? Well duh! She posted on her blog on that she totally gets a mani every 4 days and a pedi every 7. Wow, that’s a lot of nail polish. She’s dedicated to completing all 240 hours of the course to become certified. 3 days at 24 hours a day=a lot less than the time she will spend on her nails.

I salute the Brooklyn hipsters on the F train who spent a decent amount of time defacing the Venus Williams ad at the Smith street station. I only wish it was Serena in the photo.  She deserves some defacing.  Then again, maybe she spent enough time ruining her own public image.