They say never speak ill of the next team on the schedule. You don’t want to give them any bulletin board material that they can use for motivation. They really aren’t concerned with winning until you question their manhood or talk about relating to their mothers or sisters.

Fulham owner Mohamed al Fayed took a different angle on giving the opposing team some bulletin board material. Shakhtar Donetsk is in London to play Fulham later today in an Europa Cup match. The team attempted to do some shopping at Harrods yesterday after training. They were turned away from the store “due to the fact they were wearing club tracksuits”. A statement on the club’s website said:

“The players decided to increase the earnings of one of London’s reputable shops – Harrods. The footballers, who have money and are eager to buy a lot, were certain to leave [a] big sum.

“You may be surprised but the Miners [Shakhtar's nickname] weren’t allowed to enter the shop.

“The staff said that the group of customers was too big and suspicious. All of them were wearing similar tracksuits. The players explained this was the football team and were not in the habit of taking tuxedos to the training camp to go shopping. But those explanations were fruitless.”

“The players bought presents for their relatives in another shop. We only hope that after the match the Londoners will treat our team with respect.”

Harrods did Shakhtar like a bunch of bused-in black kids going into a white supermarket. I’m getting flashbacks to elementary school. Fuck you, Roland Ave. Eddie’s. Oh did we mention that al Fayed owns Harrods as well?

Fulham manager Roy Hodgon expressed surprise saying, “…The chairman [Fayed] normally loves people to spend their money with him”.

A Harrods spokesman said, “…When the store is at its busiest … Harrods has to take the difficult decision to deny access to tour parties and larger groups of visitors. This is done in the interest of health and safety. Needless to say, we do not wish to offend or upset visitors when making these decisions.”

Shakhtar published its statement on the club website just to let everyone know about the insult. Do the supporters pictured above look like the kind of people you want to piss off? Take a look at the press credential information page for the return leg in Donetsk. “Get accreditation”. No problem. “Defend the motherland!” What? They’re even getting the press worked up? Fulham have their work cut out for them. Shakhtar will fuck the Mohamed al Fayed and make him humble like the Iron Sheik.

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