Reading Between the Headlines

When you think about it, televised amateur drafts are really just free-for-alls for pea-brained analysts utilizing their worst skill: extemporaneous speaking.  I’ve had a fair amount of extemporaneous speaking experience in my life and I realize its hard, but people that have been doing it for as long as Stuart Scott and Chris Berman just shouldn’t be this bad at it (it also probably helped that my coach was and is the Red Auerbach in our metro area, but I digress).  

In any case, the NFL draft also reignites the internal struggle “Childhood Duke” has with “Adult Duke:” will I ever buy another jersey again?  Growing up, wearing jerseys was pretty awesome: they were as close to the field as kids could get.  Aside from wearing your hero’s colors, they also made a sweet fashion statement in 5th grade.  And while I eventually grew out of them, there’s a part of me that would still like to wear one, even if it’s just to a sporting event.  Yet, somehow, I just can’t bring myself to do it.  As Shawn Carter stated, “And I don’t wear jerseys, I’m thirty-plus…”  Never thought I’d be taking inspiration from Jay-Z, but oh well.  On to some headlines…

• The St. Louis Rams selected Oklahoma QB Sam Bradford with the first pick in the 2010 NFL Draft.

Sam Bradford won the Heisman Trophy in 2008.  He threw 67 passes in 2009.  There are many reports that suggest he will be guaranteed $50M before he throws one in 2010.  And people think the economics in baseball are messed up.  Right…

• The Denver Broncos traded picks for three hours in order to draft WR Demaryius Thomas and QB Tim Tebow.

The look Mel gave after the Broncos drafted Tebow. Look at that head of hair: it's glorious! By the way, (Gruden) "This guy here works his tail off all year for one weekend of glory. You KNOW we're gonna use two shots of him for this article!"

Basically, the Denver Broncos played grabass with 31 other teams in order to pass on the consensus top receiver and #2 and #3-rated QBs.  Josh McDaniels, I know Bill Belichick, and you sir, are no Bill Belichick.  Bill doesn’t use draft picks.  I also can’t wait for more sanctimonious pieces of crap like this, where we can be admonished for doubting the sainted Tim.  By the way, Jon Gruden, what did you think?

• A-Rod angered Dallas Braden when he stepped on the pitcher’s mound on his way back to first base.

I enjoy laughing at A-Rod.  The mirror-kissing, the crazy paintings, everything.  I’m pretty sure he is repped by Turtle from Entourage because there is no way Scott Boras would ever let him continually act the fool.  Nonetheless, A-Rod owned this guy named “Dallas,” who was actually born in Phoenix.  While ”Phoenix” threw a temper tantrum on the mound and kicked and screamed in the postgame interview, “the Rod” actually showed some restraint and pulled a Jeter-esque move:

 “He just told me to get off his mound,” Rodriguez said. “That was a little surprising. I’ve never quite heard that. Especially from a guy that has a handful of wins in his career.”

And I think that just about ends that argument.  “Phoenix,” you just got owned by this guy.

• David Stern issued a warning to coaches to quit griping over referees.

This is the league with the ref who got busted for gambling on his own NBA games and then wrote a book about how common it was within the industry?  And yet, we have seen no far-reaching reforms within the league to fix officiating personnel that are widely-recognized as the worst in professional sports.  Damn you David Stern for making me agree with Bill Simmons.

•  The NHL Playoffs have reverted back to form as Pittsburgh and Washington are on the verge of winning their first round series.

I have to admit, I was a little nervous after last week’s Game 1s.  The Caps have been known around the DC area as the resident “choking dogs,” but when you have a guy who does stuff like this, for some reason, you feel a little bit more confident about your chances.  Now that the Devils are out, Washington and Pittsburgh have a decent shot at meeting up again in the conference finals. 

 

That’s it for this week.  Everyone have a good weekend.  I’ll be working on my sliding technique. 

Tagged with: A-Rod • Alex Ovechkin • Bradford • Grab Ass • Mel Kiper • Mel's Hair • MLB • NBA • NHL • Stupid First Names • Tebow

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