So…How’s Your Girl by Handsome Boy Modeling School was rather tight. Holy Calamity was only one of the hits that will never die from their first album. You know what else won’t die? Evander Holyfield’s boxing career. He refuses to call it a day. When he’s not in the ring turning his brain into oatmeal, he likes to stay in shape by beating on his wife.

Candi Holyfield applied for a protective order against Evander after he allegedly abused her in front of their two children. The circumstances surrounding the incident are a bit…um, well, judge for yourself.

Candi Holyfield accuses her husband of hitting her in the face, the back of her head, and on her back during the middle of the night, according to the petition for temporary protective order.

“He got up and turned the light on and started looking at my face and told me he was sorry, that he knew he shouldn’t have done that,” Candi Holyfield stated in the petition.

The incident allegedly began because the heat was cut off in the couple’s home, and Candi Holyfield attempted to discuss it with her husband.

“He told me that I was only thinking about myself,” Candi Holyfield stated. “He started telling me that I needed to start putting God first in my life.”

Candi and the kids need to stop being so selfish when it comes to maintaining proper body temperature. ConEd, Pepco and those other utilities don’t provide the heat that God does. This is the last month I pay my utility bill.

One has to ask why the heat is being turned off in Holyfield’s house. In his defense, he has more children than a Sudanese refugee camp. The child support payments must be more than Albania’s legal GNP.

Who would have thought that Mike Tyson would end up with a better reputation after all these years? He’s in box office hits, the Golden Globes and Dancing With The Stars while his old nemesis turns into Rocky V with a domestic abuse problem.