Little does Lil’ Brady know that he’s about to meet the Care Bear Rape Stand.

Pay attention, people of Chicago. Put down the brats and Old Style. Someone needs your help and it’s not Eddy Curry or Antoine Walker. It’s Cedric Benson. If you see him walking down the street and he starts to cry, don’t walk on by. He could use a little love right now.

Benson opened up to the Chicago Sun-Times about last season’s feud with Thomas Jones and his lack of trust for his teammates. Let’s break it down.

”I don’t want to start a big mess,” Benson said. ”But I don’t mind real talk because these are things I really feel but don’t say much about.”
I know I should shut up but I’m too stupid to listen to me. Alright brain, you don’t like me and I don’t like you but let’s just do this interview and I can get back to killing you with beer.

“If there was somebody I didn’t really trust and they wanted to go out to dinner or something, I would still go. I would still try to get acquainted with them or try to be friends or be more trustworthy of them.”
You should come to me and make nice. I don’t trust you but please don’t let opposing defenses chop block me.

Benson said coming to the Bears as the fourth overall selection in the 2004 draft wasn’t so much hard for him as it was hard for some teammates. ”I guess they didn’t like [my contract] and they were probably good buddies with Thomas. I had to deal with that, too, and that is something people don’t really know.”
Yeah it was jealousy. I’m sure it wasn’t the fact you held out for over a month and talked shit instead of coming in, shutting up and doing your job.

Benson also bitched and moaned about taking extra shots in practice.

”I was the only one who came out of camp with a separated shoulder. I mean, we’re talking a separated shoulder, not a bruise. Take what you want from that. I don’t think it’s hard to figure out.”

Too bad his own coaches didn’t back him up.

”Having Thomas last year, he was established; you knew he was going to be there,” [Running backs coach Tim] Spencer said. ”Ced was trying to take his job, so he was trying to step up his play. He was running harder. He was trying to do some things, to be physical and show everybody he can be that guy, and he probably took a few too many shots. I don’t think anybody took any cheap shots at him; that’s not our guys.

”It was tough. Thomas was a true pro. He was going to do everything right, and unless you’re going to do everything right, too, and do it a lot better, it’s going to be tough [to take the job] from a guy like that.”

In other words, Benson had no chance of taking Thomas’ job even when it was given to him.

“The way my attitude is or the way my guard is set up is based on how I have been treated. It’s not like I was like this always. I was never all that open and outgoing, but these things have made me stay to myself even more.”

Ced should have no problem fitting in this season. He’ll kick it with Bears running back emeritus Rashaan Salaam at the Wild Hare while making new friends every week. Friends with linebackers and defensive ends rolling through the offensive line easier than a trust fund douchebag into someone rhyming with Haris Pilton’s ass. Don’t be surprised if Brian Urlacher separates his other shoulder. Any idea which Bear punches him this season? Our money’s on the Cumslinger. So fast he can pull off the donkey punch with no hands.

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Filed under: BitchCedric BensonChicago Bearsfootball

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