Washington Redskins bust defensive whale Albert Haynesworth was recently charged with misdemeanor sexual abuse stemming from an incident at a birthday party at the W Hotel in Washington, D.C. in mid-February (Oh, well, I guess my invitation must have been lost in the mail!). Apparently, the waitress had her hands full with dishes so Big Al figured that placing his credit card between her cleavage would be an empowering gesture to cap off what was likely to have been a thrilling evening of being objectified and ordered around like Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi.
Although Haynesworth’s work ethic, maturity, and cardiovascular shape have been challenged and criticized recently, he has not shied away from his belief that we are all entitled to be with whomever we want, regardless of race.
“I didn’t touch her,” Haynesworth responded, according to the document, adding that he doesn’t “even like black girls.”
When police detectives later tried to interview Haynesworth, he spontaneously told them, according to court papers: “I know what this is about, she is just upset I have a white girlfriend. I couldn’t tell you the last time I dated a black girl. She was trying to get with me.”
The 2010 U.S. census reported back that the U.S. now has more then 4.5 million interracial marriages, a remarkable statistic indicating how far the nation has come from the era of Jim Crow and Segregation.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say that Big Al should be free to go out with whomever he wants. Is Big Al willing to go to jail for his beliefs? I think we both know the answer to that one.
When we last left Washington Redskins defensive Jabba the Hut Albert Haynesworth he was ingratiating himself to motorists of the greater Washington, D.C. area, a lofty group. Now it appears that another young lady, a server for the W Hotel, has decided to unfairly target Haynesworth for her fifteen minutes of fame.
Now, before you start bringing up previous incidents and trying to paint a picture, you need to know that Big Al has a sensitive side. Big Al knows that waitressing is a tireless, and thankless, profession, so when the opportunity presented itself to subject a waitress to humiliating attention during what was no doubt the tail end of a grueling shift, he just couldn’t let opportunity pass him by. Ladies love attention, fellas.
The report said Haynesworth, identified as Subject 1, tried to give the waitress his credit card and asked if he could place it in her blouse. The waitress nodded, and Haynesworth placed the card into her blouse and began caressing her breast, the report says.
While Haynesworth is not named in the report, the police department source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that Subject 1 referred to the Redskins lineman. The report, which was filed at 5:15 a.m. Sunday, describes the suspect as a “heavy/fat/stocky” black male with a goatee, and about 6 feet 6 or 6 feet 7.
Whoah! Whoah! Let’s not jump to any conclusions here, Washington D.C. police department. I mean a 6’7″ “stocky black male driving a Maserati (guessing) could be just about anybody in this fair city.
Call me crazy but I think once the facts come out D.C’s finest will all owe Big Al an apology. Haynesworth, 1. Washington D.C. Police Department, 0.
Defensive tackle and vending machine aficionado Albert Haynesworth had a difficult year by any standard. First Big Al got “tricked” into possibly siring a rugrat with some rump-shaker in New York. Good thing Big Al is pro choice, or else Emily’s List would never endorse him when he decides to run for Mayor.
Next, ex-Broncos Beef Jerky impersonator Mike Shanahan rode into D.C. to coach the Redskins and publicly promised that the lolly-gagging was coming to a halt. Oh Shanny…this is the Redskins, the lolly-gagging will most certainly continue unabated.
This lead to an escalating and embarassing (for Redskins fans) series of pissing contests between Shanny and Big Al, from conditioning tests, to wars of words, and finally, phantom illnesses. Big Al swallowed $21 million fishies just before channeling “Roots” regarding the tenuous relationship between NFL players and the coaches and owners. Now Haynesworth has apparently gotten into a kerfuffle with a motorist.
Give the thank-you-wave after you turn into my lane Washington Post:
ESPN.com identified the Civic driver as Joel Velazques, 38, of Leesburg.
Velazques told ESPN that after their vehicles jockeyed for road space, a person he recognized as Haynesworth got out of a Ford truck with Tennessee license plates. Velazques said Haynesworth came to the driver-side window of his car, and after Velazques rolled down his window, Haynesworth said to him twice, “You’re not so tough now,” and then punched him in the side of his nose, ESPN reported.
Velazques said he followed Haynesworth but lost him along the way. He told ESPN he called 911 and gave a statement to a Fairfax officer.
Fairfax Chief Deputy Commonwealth’s Attorney Ian M. Rodway said an officer assigned to the incident compiled a photo lineup and showed it to the man, who identified Haynesworth as his assailant.
On this site, we try to remain objective and fair and always keep in mind that athletes are sometimes unfairly targeted because of their high-profiles and wealth. Oh, he’s done this before? Nevermind:
Haynesworth, who was suspended by the team for the final four games of the season for insubordination, has had previous troubles on the road. In December 2008, he pleaded guilty to driving 103 mph in a 70-mph zone on Interstate 65 south of Nashville and was placed on 30 days probation. Four days after that plea, he was speeding on the same stretch of Interstate 65, in a 2008 black Ferrari, when he allegedly swerved across two lanes and slammed into another car, driving it into the concrete median.
The driver of the other car, Corey Edmondson, was seriously injured and needed a hip replacement. He has filed a civil suit against Haynesworth, which is pending. In July 2009, shortly after he had signed a $100 million contract with the Redskins making him one of the highest-paid defensive players in NFL history, Haynesworth pleaded no contest in Brentwood City Circuit Court to a reckless driving charge. He was placed on three months probation, ordered to perform 25 hours of community service, attend an eight-hour driving school and make a $5,000 contribution to an organization that provides counseling to emergency responders.
And in 2006, while a member of the Tennessee Titans, Haynesworth was charged and later cleared in a road rage incident that occurred near Interstate 40 in Cookeville, Tenn. A woman and her son-in-law claimed that Haynesworth, in a Ford F-650 pickup truck, tried to run them off the road as their vehicles crossed paths, and the pair traveled to two counties to take out warrants against Haynesworth. Haynesworth said he was the victim of the road rage, that he had tried to let the two cars pass him but they kept following him. Prosecutors in both counties investigated and dismissed all charges.
Big Al has a lot to learn about planned parenthood and conflict resolution. Like making sure the girl stands near a flight of stairs when she tells you the news, or challenging your teammate to a gun fight.
There’s a scene in the movie “Swingers” where the main character meets a girl at the bar, gets her number, then proceeds to go home and call her repeatedly – ruining any chance he had of ever getting a date with the chick. For some reason, this is what I think of every time I read about the Washington Redskins and their handling of Albert Haynesworth.
I’ll make something clear off the bat: I don’t support Haynesworth, the record-setting contract he signed in 2009, what he’s pulled the last few months and everything in between. The guy has always had a reputation for being immature, face-stomping included. So, the Redskins’ signing of Haynesworth was always a risk. Paying him millions more than anyone else offered was just stupid. However, if the Redskins, or better yet, Mike Shanahan, wanted to ensure they’d get the most out of him, they couldn’t have picked a worse way to go about it.
The balance of public opinion when it comes to financial issues between players and ownership is inherently balanced in favor of the team. For some odd reason, fans think players are completely at fault when they hold out for more money. Without getting into not-so-complex labor law, we’ll just go with that premise for now. In any case, Haynesworth gave fans every reason to dislike him: he showed up last year out-of-shape, missed a
Albert Haynesworth contemplating the choice to get some burgers, a trip to the strip club, or practice.
bunch of time, and then took $21 million from the team knowing full well he’d be asked to play nose tackle. Adding insult to injury, he skipped off-season workouts and made no secret of his desire to be traded. In the world of public opinion, the Redskins had the head of Haynesworth on a platter. They could do whatever they wanted with him.
Nevertheless, the Redskins had to screw it up. First off, after Haynesworth showed up in camp (on-time), Shanahan embarrassed him with a conditioning test that he was never going to pass. As that kept him from practicing, he fell further and further down the depth chart with a sore knee. The two-time former All-Pro spent much of preseason playing with the scrubs on the second team (and still played well, albeit against terrible competition). Oh, and then there were the “headaches.” In the team’s final exhibition game, a game usually reserved for guys on the cusp of making the team, he played almost the entire game. Now, they seek to demean him once more by somehow allowing trade talks to leak again.
One wouldn’t expect the man who was close buddies with former President George W. Bush to understand the fundamental rules of economics, but devaluing your best asset in an effort to assert your dominance is a pretty stupid idea.
The Redskins need to make a decision about what they want to do with Haynesworth and live with it. If they are happy being 7-9 without him, that’s fine, but cut the cord now: trade the player (even if it’s the Titans) and at least get something or cut him and eat the money. At this point, you’ve already embarrassed yourself beyond recognition with the way you’ve treated him and how much money you’ve wasted.
If you think Haynesworth can be motivated again, commit the organization to keeping him and try to get something out of the $32 million he’s been paid. Worst case scenario, he loafs around for a few games and makes himself look worse, which again puts the court of public opinion in your favor and allows you to cut him next year when memories of this debacle aren’t so fresh.
So it only took him 10 days and four tries but congratulations to Albert Haynesworth of the Washington Redskins for finally being in semblance of shape and passing his conditioning test. Fat Albert finally ran out of excuses after an MRI on his knee showed no real damage that would prevent him from running, so he kinda had to pass. At last our long city-wide nightmare is over.
Thankfully, now Redskins fans can worry about the 3 headed running back battle, the lack of any wide receiver under 30 starting for the team, the offensive line, McNabb learning a new offense at QB, who McNabb’s backup will be (Rex Grossman or John Beck), how strong will this defense be in a 3-4 … and more. See how much other news is out there besides Albert?
But while the corpse of this story is warm, I’d be remiss if one last parting shot wasn’t sent Albert Haynesworth’s way. Take a listen to Kirk McEwan and Mike O’Meara, from 105.9 The Edge, having a good laugh at Weird Al Haynesworth’s expense. Kirk interviewing Mike doing an impression of Albert. Enjoy!
Washington Redskins 
