Devotees of this site may be shocked to learn that I am indeed a product of the midwest, specifically Cleveland…in Ohio. (wipes nose on flannel shirt, runs fingers through greasy mullet).

During the 1990′s, little pleased me more then begging strangers outside of gas stations to touch me traveling down to Jacobs field (it will NEVER be Progressive Field) and watching the likes of Kenny Lofton, Albert Belle, Jim Thome, Charles Nagy, and Sandy Alomar Jr. Although those Indians never won the World Series, it was still the best the team had been in a long, long time and they remain beloved by my dissolving, rust belt region. Then a figurative (have you seen the weather in Cleveland!?) dark cloud known as Larry Dolan descended over Jacobs field, leading to the present days of nickel-and-diming so blatant that it could make Barbara Ehrenreich march down Euclid Avenue.

Nothing pained me more then passing this kidney stone seeing two-former Indians pitchers face eachother in the world series in 2009. When Victor Martinez got dealt to Boston my heart sank (later determined to be the first signs that I have an arrhythmia).

Way to reopen the wounds, Indians management:

GOODYEAR, Ariz. — Justine Siegal became the first woman to pitch batting practice in a major league spring training camp when she threw to the Cleveland Indians on Monday.

Not only did she pass the test with flying colors, some people became a little envious along the way.

“She made me look bad,” said manager Manny Acta, who also throws batting practice to Cleveland’s hitters.

(vomits into trash can in disgust)

Dear god. Save some room behind that tea cup for me to hide Grady Sizemore!

Siegal has already broken gender barriers in baseball, having coached at the professional and college levels. She wore a patch honoring Christina Taylor Green, the nine-year-old granddaughter of former major league manager Dallas Green, who was killed in last month’s shootings in Tucson. Christina Taylor Green was the only girl on her local Little League baseball team.

“I haven’t spoken to anyone in the family,” Siegal said. “I asked the league organizers if it would be OK if I wore her patch, and they said please do.”

(face turns red, immediately feels terrible)

Well I didn’t read that far before I started posting this, okay!? This website is like Fox News Channel, we shoot from the hip and then dig in and refuse to admit any wrongdoing! In fact, the next headline on this site is going to be “Seventy-five percent of terrorists plan to support Barack Obama in 2012.”

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