Reading Between the Headlines
There aren’t many movies that inspire me enough to check them out in the theater; mainly because it means being surrounded by people who will inevitably annoy me. The best time to see a movie, ever, is during a weekday. The theater is almost always empty and quiet and glorious.
Anyway, for some odd reason, “Inception” sparked my interest, so I bought into the hype and saw it. I try not to get too emotional about these things, but wanted to make a few salient points about the film:
- I don’t get the attraction to Ellen Page: she always sounds condescending. That makes her look like a stuck-up nerd, which also makes me think she is like this in real-life. It doesn’t help that they continually dress her as a hipster doofus.
- Leo DiCaprio is a dude I wouldn’t mind switching places with for a little while.
- “It’s got Tom Berenger in it!”
- I think the guy that played “Arthur” was pretty good, but everytime I see him onscreen I think of that “3rd Rock from the Sun” show, which makes me think of French Stewart, which makes me think of this:
- If I had to sum up this movie in a few words, I’d say: “Sci-Fi Oceans 11 with a touch of Donnie Darko.”
Overall, it’s a good movie, I recommend. Keep in mind I also once recommended “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and got laughed at, so take that for what it’s worth. Mel Brooks is a genius. On to the headlines:
- Major League Baseball announced it will expand its drug-testing program by implementing a blood test to test for human growth hormone among Minor League Baseball Players.
Hey, only ten years too late! Results are mixed as to the true effect of HGH on an athlete’s body, so I’m not sure if unilaterally imposing random blood tests on a bunch of kids is really the right way to go. Although I guess you forfeit your privacy rights and labor protections when you dedicate your body to the Montgomery Biscuits.
- The President of the Minnesota Timberwolves said Michael Beasley’s immaturity issues were related to using “too much marijuana.”
Speaking of drug tests… I don’t blame Beasley; I’d probably have to use a lot of marijuana just to get through an NBA season, and I’m not even playing. And now you know how Ric Bucher does it.
- Fanfare during Alex Rodriguez’s approach of 600 career homeruns has been minimal.
A-Rod has a number of things going against him in the world of public appeal: he plays on the most hated team in baseball surrounded by superstars, he’s not playing particularly well (for his standards), he admitted he used steroids, he did that stupid photo shoot where he kissed his reflection, and he’s not going anywhere for awhile: he may be 35, but he still has SEVEN years left on his contract. With Bonds, aside from all of the crap, you knew he was playing season-to-season. Same thing with Griffey. But Rod’s contract guarantees he’ll be hobbling after Derek Jeter for at least a few more years. Don’t feel sorry for him, though: he’s still going home to Cameron Diaz and enough cash to buy the Rangers and make Nolan Ryan his personal Costanza.
- Former Florida Gators standout Maurkice Pouncey denied allegations that he took money from a sports agent while he was still in school.
Later that day, allegations arose that Tim Tebow had extra help during last season’s Bible Study. The state of Florida was so moved, they built a statue of Tim praying to learn how to throw a spiral.
- Hornets point guard Chris Paul reportedly wants out of New Orleans.
It seems Chris Paul would like his own triumvirate of stars to help shoulder the load of winning a championship. This is problematic because a) only one team can win in a given year, and b) it makes NBA players look like babies. I think there are a lot of lessons to be learned from the marketing world of WWE and here’s another one: if you’re a rising star in the NBA, I would examine this model of behavior and crush it. Seriously, if I’m Deron Williams or Carmelo Anthony, I’d call out all of these guys for being afraid of being “the man” and taking a team on by themselves. You know all the old guys agree with you, so they’d have your back. All of that publicity and marketing money would just underscore the fact that you’re the new Alpha Dog. Everyone, and I mean everyone, would be pulling for you. Classic David v. Goliath situation.
And that’s the extent of my NBA commentary for the next four months. I’m out of here for the week, everyone have a good weekend. If you need me, I’ll be out trying to do something as awesome as this.
Tagged with: A-Rod • Celebrity Jeopardy • Donnie Darko • Florida Gators • French Stewart • HGH • Hipster Doofus • Inception • Leo DiCaprio • Mel Brooks • Michael Beasley • Minor Leagues • Montgomery Biscuits • Oceans 11 • Reading Between the Headlines • Tebow • Tom Berenger • weed
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