Your Beijing Olympics Opening Cermonies

LiveLeak has an inside look at one of the acts from this summer's Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies.



Looks Señor Spielbergo (Steven Spielberg's Mexican equivalent) is sparing no expense.

Act Like You've Been There Before. Oh That's Right You Haven't

We've been terribly remiss in not discussing the Tottenham brawl the night after their Carling Cup win over Chelsea last Sunday.

Captain Ledley King was tossed out of a club called Faces after being too faced to stand. Instead of leaving quietly, he decided to start a fight outside the club and the Daily Mail has pictoral goodness.

Ledley's in white with his back to the camera.

King attempted to fight his way back into the club by taking on several bouncers until he was restrained.


Several other Spurs players were at the club including Jermaine Jenas (seen below) and Aaron Lennon with his idiotic, matching eyebrow/hair parts.

Nothing says winner like dressing like a 14 year old kid who should be selling candy on the F train for a fictional basketball team trip to the Central African Republic. The funny thing is that Jenas would probably play just as well in his drunken condition as he would sober. Most of the other Spurs players at the club managed to hold it together and float the buoy.

The paper also reports that WAG Danielle Lloyd and David Beckham's sister Joanne got into it as well. Unfortunately their confrontation only consisted of a "heated argument". Witnesses said that the two were arguing about whether the Copenhagen interpretation is still worthy and whether stuff is really better than things.

Move over, Christopher Hitchens. We can prove God doesn't exist with one link.

There is no God.

If You're 36 And Wear Earmuffs

And you want to be a ballboy, call Peter Angelos.

The Baltimore Sun's Roch Kubatko reports that "there will be an open tryout March 8 at noon at Oriole Park for people 18 and older who want to be a ballboy or ballgirl this season".

I pray this isn't a typo. I just want Benny from the mailroom to finally live out his dream of being pegged by an Adam Loewen pickoff throw.

Kevin Bacon Just Wants To Dance...For The Knicks

Yea, Kevin Bacon here is obviously thrilled to be at a Knicks game and he's almost even more thrilled that he's being interviewed during halftime of what was surely a boring as sin game. So here he is, and all he wants to do is...DANCE!

Kevin Faulk Gets Blunted For Lil Wayne Concert

Patriots running back Kevin Faulk was issued a misdemeanor summons, not arrested, last friday for possession of 4 marijuana cigarettes in his pocket when he was searched going into the suites of the Lafayette Cajundome for a Lil Wayne concert. I hear ya Kev, if i was going to a Lil' Wayne show i'd sure want to be as blitzed out of my mind while sitting there, but son, you gotta protect your stash a little better than that! There are about a million ways to hide that herb man, how on earth are you gonna allow yourself to get caught?

Didn't you see everyone getting searched before you in line? Why didn't you get out of line and hide that shit in your shoe or something at the least?? They wont make you take your damn shoes off there, this isnt the TSA! Better yet, why the hell didn't you just smoke up before hand, then go backstage in the middle of the show and smoke up with his crew? You know he was carrying back there, he's Lil' Damn Wayne and you're a Patriots running back! People...learn from this lesson, don't be like Kevin Faulk, learn to smoke right if you must smoke at all.

From SeacoastOnline

Goldie's looking for a Dynamo in Houston.

Foosball Robots Will Take Over The World

The geeks over at the University Of Freiburg in Germany have created the ultimate Foosball opponent, a machine. Sorta like the Deep Blue of Foosball, the KiRo is constructed of several motors attached to the foosball table rods which are connected to the electronic control system and guided by a camera that continually scans the table surface for ball movement and player position and movement. The computer follows the ball's movement and speed and choses the best possible move based upon the speed, trajectory and position of all the foosball guys in the ball's path.

At this moment the machine has won 85% of its games against casual players, but the nerds at the school are hoping to get that up high enough to bring it on against pro foosball players. Now that I have to see, not the robot against pros, but pro foosball players actually playing foosball.

Here in America, we have our own challenger already for the KiRo and thats the Foosbot by the American geeks at Illinois University -Urbana-Champaign. They claim their machine is completely undefeated, although I doubt that from watching the machine work. Want to watch the devastation that is the foosbot? I thought so, check it below, and turn down the volume unless you wanna hear a crappy nu metal soundtrack:

Foosball man picture by MattRubens
Foosball story by HobbyStop

Johnny Bench Will Get You Drunk

Johnny Bench is being honored on a limited edition bottle of Makers Mark at Kentucky's Turfway Park. 3000 of these bottles have been made to commemorate their Lanes End Stakes. The booze will go on sale March 14th and proceeds benefit the Cincinnati Reds Hall of Fame and Museum and the Johnny Bench Scholarship Fund.

This should totally be a trend. I want more players to be on bottles of hooch for me to buy. Give me a Bret Boone bottle of Wild Turkey or the Bret Favre bottle of Sailor Jerry any day, i'll pony up for that stuff. Boy, guys named Bret love the hooch don't they?

From Local12

Your boys may not be able to swim anymore but that's cool. Norway's got your back even after you blow up the outside world. Yeah that was weak but anything for a Soundgarden video.

This video sucks but the sound is pretty good. Check out Eddie Van Halen and Michael Jackson on the same stage.



Good thing Wolfgang wasn't alive yet. Michael might have claimed him as royalties. King me, Wolfie!

Chimp Rage Needs Your Help

Ok gang, I am headed out to beautiful Las Vegas in a little over one month and I am in need of some fun and unique things to do there. Drop a note in the comments, tell the Deuce about your Vegas fun and let me know something new and interesting that I can do while I'm out there. Let me know what you think are the best tables, loosest slots, great unknown restaurants, fun random places that no one knows about or just fun places altogether, places for cheap drinks, etc...whatever, let me know. Even if you just want to wax poetic about your last Vegas experience, I wanna hear it. Might give me some ideas. If you even want to donate a buck or two for me to put on black, go ahead and do it here.

It'll be interesting to see if anyone will actually donate for the Bet on Black fund, I doubt it, but I just figured out how to do that button so watch out, it'll be all over this site in no time. Anyway, keep in mind, I've been there before, I've shot guns there, I've raced cars on the speedway (well I watched, that stuff is expensive, but i saw Mario Andretti), I've played most the table games, I've been to all the casinos, I've been to the Double Down Saloon and sucked down their ass juice, I've hit the strip clubs, I've done the Food TV restaurants like Emeril and Bobby Flay, I've been to clubs and lounges like Ghost Bar and Mix Bar, I've done the Rum Jungle...ok i can keep going, but the point is, I'm looking for something new and fun and since i'm a tourist, I don't know all that is there besides the touristy stuff.

I thought about hitting the pinball hall of fame, where you can play pinball machines for free, but the 20 buck cab ride out there doesn't make it seem worth it...especially because my girlfriend definitely doesn't want to check that out, but maybe you can change my mind. I'm looking to try the Price is Right but I have no idea if that is worth it. So if someone wants to chime in on that, that'd be good. So if any of you out there has any worthwhile ideas, let me know in the comments.

SPAM ALERT

Ok, some people out there in the world might be getting spammed by someone who is spoofing our address. Trust us, it is not us. But twice in the past week someone has been spoofing like crazy our email addy, which sucks for real. My inbox has been flooded by returned to sender mail for fucking ever. Same as Mustafa's. So, i'm sorry people who have been getting spammed, its not us, blame the spammer. If we find him, we will shit on him for you. Thanks for your time

You Are Who You Don't Think You Are

Eddy eat only good player on team. No want get better.

Somebody call the wahmbulance for Eddy Curry. He claims that he doesn't "fit in" with the Knicks. Apparently he's under the illusion that he doesn't suck. Somebody better let him know there's no other team for him. No one's going to help him realize his suck potential like Isiah. It's no good just being mediocre. If that's what Curry wanted, he should have gone to Philly.

Curry also claimed that he's not going to change who he is. At least he's committed himself to being a crap player.

Your Cluelessness Is Your Scarlet Letter

"I can't even look at you after this past week, whatever your name is."

I'll refrain from commenting too much on Spurs winning a tin cup for the first time in ... well forever. At least since the Thirty Years War. I'm not bitter or anything. I had a bad feeling about the Carling Cup final between Chelsea and Spurs on Sunday due to Chelsea's recent play.

Chelsea manager Avram Grant is starting to prove skeptics right as he was outcoached and outclassed yesterday by Spurs manager Juande Ramos. His tactics were questionable and that's being generous. He continues to get it wrong in terms of personnel decisions and adapting to changes and challenges during matches. It pains me to say it but Spurs deserved the win. One has to question if Grant really knows what the hell he's doing.

Somewhere Jose Mourinho and Steve Nash are laughing.