Two Dope Boyz In A Cadillac

Zags like smokin' that tweed. Probably helps them get closer to God. At least that's what I'd tell Gonzaga head coach Mark Few if I got busted for possession of weed and shrooms. Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis didn't use that excuse and now Few is reportedly "shocked and disappointed" with the pair.

They were picked up Friday night after being pulled over after the police noticed their tail lights weren't working. The officers smelled the tweed and searched the car.

"It was close to midnight. They needed to have their lights on," Campbell said.

If this was a real college town, they would have taped flashlights to the hood or given them a police escort back to their place.

Here's the police video from Friday night.



The search is on for the second passenger who fled the car while it was still in three wheel motion.

Photo: Maartje van Caspel

You're Better Than England

Let's get the soccer roundup out of the way. Go here for weekend scores. The short of it: West Pork's screwed. ManUre maintainted their lead at the top by beating Charlton 2-0. Chelsea remain six points back after a 3-0 win against Middlesborough. Hilarity of the weekend: Sheffield United 2 - Spurs 1.

Yo' Mama Ain't Got Nuthin' To Do With Me


Newcastle United and Nigeria striker Obafemi Martins was confronted by a mob in an airport in Lagos, Nigeria after missing Nigeria's match with Ghana on Tuesday which they lost 4-1.

Martins tried to explain that he skipped the match to attend to his sick mother but the crowd wasn't having it.

...The soccer fans literally held Obafemi hostage demanding to know why he was not in London for the match.

The fans had argued that if the former Inter Milan striker had played the match, the Super Eagles would not have been disgraced.

As at the time the fans quizzed him, Nigeria were three goals down.

The visibly angry fans asked: "Why are you not playing? If you were there, you will have scored at least one goal by now and Ghana will not have that the courage to play us out."

Chelsea midfielder Jon Obi Mikel claimed he was forced to play after being pressured by the Nigerian FA and family threats. He played against orders from Chelsea doctors and manager Jose Mourinho. Mourinho was reported to have been furious and Chelsea have made complaints to FIFA.

Nigerians don't play when it comes to their soccer. Ghanians sure do. In the words of Pork-o-potamus X, "Only with Africans...Whether in Africa or Africans in London, mayhem.

I Don't Know What You Come To Do But I Come To Pray

That's all you have left if you're an England fan. They suck enough to put a Tijuana donkey show performer out of business. England's pathetic showing in their Euro 2008 qualifier loss against Spain on Wednesday once again proved that Second Choice Steve McClaren knows much more about dental hygiene than he does about soccer.

Middlesborough chairman Steve Gibson blamed Premiership clubs for his former manager McClaren's obvious lack of sense.

What chances are English footballers getting at major clubs? Steve can only work with the tools he's given. The Liverpools and the Arsenals - what are they contributing at national level?

What's Boro contributing at the national level besides mediocre football and Stewart Downing? He and Joey Barton are exactly what England needs to save its Euro 2008 campaign. I suppose Gibson doesn't remember Boro losing 7-0 to Arsenal or a fan throwing his season ticket at McClaren in disgust. I'm sure it has nothing to do with his lack of coaching sense or the FA's abidcation of its duty to run football with some level of competence.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger shot back at Gibson:

England were behind in developing players for years but they have worked hard to rectify things.

France started that in 1974. They won the European Championship in 1984 because we had an exceptional player [Michel Platini]. Then they won the World Cup in 1998 and reached the World Cup Final in 2006. That work began in 1974. It shows that the work takes 20 years.

The only thing I can say is that whenever England do not win it is always my fault, even when I am not at the game.

To put players in my team who are not good enough would not strengthen the England team but weaken the Arsenal team. I'm not at fault for England's frustrations.

England is now third in their group behind Russia and Croatia with an upcoming match on March 24 against Israel. If they lose, they're pretty much done. There will be a bunch of hand-wringing and moaning and then they'll pick another incompetent English manager to make sure they don't qualify for the World Cup in 2010.

Lassana Diarra Has Two Fathers

It's great to see such an open-minded team.

Arsenal Finds More Young Boys For Wenger

Arsenal has linked up with the Colorado Rapids in an effort to expand their brand in the US and search for young talent. Wenger stated that the Arsenal board informed him the link was not a precursor to a club takeover. He did not deny that he was planning slumber parties for Rapids players at his home.

Changes Afoot At Liverpool

Liverpool's new American owners have already started the changes at Anfield by introducing a new crest which better symbolizes the true nature of the club and its fans.

If You Want Beef Then Bring The Ruckus

QPR ain't nuthing ta fuck wit. A closed friendly match between QPR and the Chinese national team had to be abandoned after a massive brawl broke out involving all 22 players, subs and coaching staff.

According to Vital Football, QPR changed the location of the match from Loftus Road to their training ground. Fans are convinced that the club didn't want them to know about the match. A witness told the Ealing Gazette, "I've never seen anything like it in my life. There were punches, kung-fu kicks and all sorts. It was absolute mayhem."

The witness also claimed the Chinese manager "...flipped back, got into a fighting position. The tiger style, the shit was wild. He threw his hands in the air and smiled."

Maybe he didn't do that but they did jet in the jet to the hospital after a Chinese player, Zheng Tao was knocked unconscious and suffered a broken jaw. Two other players suffered "flesh wounds".

I Don't Eat No Ham And Eggs

Yo Todd, do you eat em? Nuh uh, not at all. "I ain't scared of you country bumpkins. I want my...money back!"

Welcome back, Todd Bozeman. It may be early in Boze's second life but we've been able to figure a few things about the new coach. He does a terrible Bernie Mac impression and he idolizes Ike Turner and David Justice. He also doesn't like ham sandwiches.

Nothing says Morgan State more than a tight marching band, a homecoming brawl, a losing basketball team or beating restaurant managers like Jason Kidd on Juwanna...Jumanji, whatever. Ask Bob Ryan for the right spelling. He loves her.

Maybe the Boze was trying to keep it halal. No trichinosis of the body or mind for the Bears.

Dan Marino Is This Era's Dan Marino

Thanks to Payton Manning finally winning the big one, Dan Marino is left as this generation's Dan Marino. Well done. Instead of a Cadillac Escalade, you get a shiny pre-owned Ford LTD Country Squire station wagon. Here's Dan's reaction upon hearing the news while on the set of Inside The NFL.