Seriously check this band out and go to their show tonight if you're in the DC/Baltimore area. For more info go see the Constitutional.

Hank Baskett Will Teach Your Children

Philadelphia Eagle wide receiver Hank Baskett has found a way to keep himself busy this offseason, he'll be teaching a sociology of sport course at Clovis Community College. Despite having never taught any course in his life or even having a degree in sociology, Baskett was tapped to teach the course by the sociology department head Ruthie Hefner.

She said Baskett did not immediately sign up for the course, but spent time making sure he had the proper background to teach the class.

She said he picked out the textbook for the class, and she designed the curriculum around his particular experience.

“He spent about four or five months reading the topics,” she said. “And he started reading and deciding whether or not his credentials were a match.”

Man, who wouldn't want to pay money for a course taught by a football player with no credentials other than reading a book for four or five months...and playing football. I can't imagine why just 8 people have signed up for this 30 person course, this has got to be the easiest guaranteed "A" course in any school's history. That's even counting the African American Popular Music course I took at school where my final exam was a very bad play demonstrating my incredibly poor dancing abilities. Oh yea, that was money well spent.

The good news is that Eagles fans have a new nickname they can give Baskett...The Professor!

From CNJOnline

Wear This Mask And Get Swiftly Beat Down

This mask is actually for sale. The website says the mask is "[d]esigned to help protect against facial injuries. Total padding on both sides". It should also come with a guarantee that whomever your opponent is will kick your ass quickly and violently. If you have to wear this mask, you shouldn't be participating in whatever sport you're playing, plain and simple.

I'm not even sure why this mask is even designed like it is, what is the point of the gigantic eye holes? What's up with that chinstrap? Who actually wears this crap? So many questions...so angry...

You have to love Craigslist for this reason

Random Video of Horrific Violence: "Failed Wall Flip"

This just did not go well

Backflip-goes-wrong - Funny videos are here

Bonus Video: Balls To The Face

This made me laugh, i dunno if it is the build up to the final blow but its funny, damn funny when it happens. At least it was to me in my slightly inebriated state. Happy friday you poopers.

More videos from the "Balls" channel at Burlysports.com

Constituional Vol "Free Publicity"

I'll be up in Baltimore tonight at Rams Head Live on the Inner Harbor watching my sister's band Laredo do their thing at 8pm (doors at 7pm). Anyone who wants to help her out and show some support, do go and check them out and look for me wearing a black Laredo shirt. Go to their Myspace page and listen to their stuff, ya got 4 pretty sweet rock songs on their for your morning. It's Friday and a mostly slow "news" week comes to a virtual close but if Mustafa ever gets his internet fixed at home we might see some weekend posting here, so stay tuned. Until then...welcome to the Constitutional.

• Here's a whole list of NFL players who have tried MMA Fighting. Bodog Life Fight Files
  


• Chad Johnson took a swing at Marvin Lewis and hit him in the eye! DAMN! The Sporting Blog
  


• John Gruden is caddying for John Daly...wonder if they go for drinks after? Fox Sports
  


• Here's some photos of some athletes out in the real world. I hope this is a regular feature. EBSports Blog
  


• Pat Riley stepping away to scout? What? Another year he won't coach for a full season...I wish I could step away from my job as often as he does.Sedano Show
  


• Freshman wrestler takes people down...with one arm. Scott Van Pelt Style
  


• Johnny Unitas will train children how to kill. I wish i thought of scanning these first. Kudos guys. Food Court Lunch
  


• Former Yankee takes 'roids...but for the RIGHT reasons. Steroid Nation
  


• Here's a Q&A for the upcoming Lebowskifest. Randball
  


• Is there really an NBA ROY contest going on right now? Legend of Cecilio Guante
  


• NBA Teams as TV Shows. With Malice
  


• This is a "good" point. Introducing Liston
  


• Really, what are the Jets thinking? Rumors And Rants
  


• 11 ways the Favre retirement has been totally overblown. Epic Carnival
  

Looks like Seinfeld wants back on NBC...so much for going out on top

Four Square Is Not Just For Kids Anymore

The World Championships of Four Square just occurred up in Maine a couple weeks ago in yet another childhood sport that has gone "adult". There actually is an organization that helps people set up their own community leagues and hosts the World Championships called Squarefour.org. If you happen to live in the Boston area, you can sign up for their own league right online.

I used to rock at four square on the asphalt playgrounds of my youth, but it looks like their rules have taken away the many different ways we cheated hit the ball. No atom bombs or super spin in this league. The dork level seems about on par with the kickball leagues that have sprung up all over, which isn't a bad thing if you're a dork and you're trying to get laid. Still intrigued? Watch the highlights of the 2008 World Championships below.

The Only Way To Take Out A Streaker

He should have taken the bat to the dude's neck as a finishing blow. Watch the video of this...

From Daily Mail UK

SHOOT IT DEAD!

That is about the only thing that came to mind when I was watching this video. I'm only posting it to ruin you all like I was and because it's all about sports. This is, with out a doubt, the worst piece of synth-pop I have ever witnessed. The only saving grace is it is intentionally bad and part of Tim & Eric's Awesome show. God it is horrible though. So, with those warnings, enjoy SPORTS!

Fantasty Football Site Screws Customers

The old axiom of "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is" still holds water. The American Fantasy Football League promised it's league winners $500,000 in prize money for people signing up, paying for their site and participating in their leagues. Unfortunately for the people who signed up for this site, the AFFL has no money and cannot pay it's winners.

The site was set up in such a way as to get around the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act which effectively prevents gambling online by stating the prize money up front. The bad thing is, they never got enough people to sign up to justify the gigantic payout and now still owe $475,000 in prize money payouts to its customers. Too make it worse, they have $850,000 in current liabilities with no cash coming in to save them yet.

"The problem is that we front-loaded money as entry fees came in. I shouldn’t have assumed we were going to get a certain level of growth. Had we known we weren’t going to get the growth, we wouldn’t have made software changes. Then, we wouldn’t have set the prizes as high as we did. People think we’re running away with the money. We’re not running away with any money; it went to the business.”

Whoops. Looks like they overestimated things a little bit. They should have followed another old axiom "Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver."

Story from Fantasy Fanatics

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Treadmill Handstand

Yea um...don't try this at home kids. Man, do face plants ever get old?

MLB Strikes Out Online Coverage

MLB baseball is now following in NFL's heavy handed footsteps by limiting the amount of coverage online news outlets can give to their sport. Why would baseball want to limit all the free advertising that news outlets give their sport? Money of course. Online news outlets will now only be able to have no more than seven photos from any games and cannot create a photo gallery from those images (so long Yahoo Sports and SI.com galleries) . Also, no more than two minutes of audio/visual footage can be posted about a game and the only site that can post highlights are those who have a deal with MLB Advanced Media (so long YouTube clips). This more than likely means to get all the coverage of the sport that fans are used to, they will have to go to MLB.com.

Heavyhanded? Yup. In one way, this deal is better than the NFL's policy with respect to the amount of a/v footage, MLB is somewhat charitable giving 2 minutes compared to the NFL's 45 seconds, but still it is pretty bad. What really hurts is the "no more slideshows of games" and just 7 photos. That is a bad bad idea and even the NFL doesn't have that policy.

Baseball is a beautiful game to watch in photographs and so many plays come to life when captured in a still frame, the public will lose out when it cannot see all the pictures of a game. Not that anyone but us bloggers scour the photo galleries for timeless photos that people might have missed, but where does this leave individual's photo galleries? The rules, for now, seem to be just for news outlets, but how long will it be before the pseudo news outlets like us blogs or social sites like Flickr are targeted?

It will be interesting to see how this affects the big boys' coverage of the sport. Perhaps they will be less forthcoming to give MLB as much coverage as they used to. Baseball isn't the NFL, it needs all the good free publicity it can get and by biting the hand that feeds, they might not get fed as much as they used to.

From Ars Technica

If Griffey Caught This, He Would Have Broken All The Bones In His Body

This catch is better than pretty much any Major League Baseball catch ever. That's right, I said it. Wow.

Constitutional Vol. "Times Are A Changin"

Big weekend for NFL free agency, I'm sure plenty of sites will have round-ups of those events so you probably won't find much about it here. We deal with the minutiae of sports so that kinda in depth analysis you should look elsewhere for. But keep coming back for our normal crap. Big weekend for the Chimp as well, I popped the question to my gal and she said yes, so I'm soon to be a married man, in a year or so at least. Go me. Here's some links to get you through your Monday...welcome to the Constitutional.

• Pitchfork Media will pick use their indie snobbery to pick music for 2kSports new baseball videogame. GameIndustry
  


• Broncos' Marcus Thomas arrested for possession. Rocky Mountain News
  


• Whats worse than Savage Speedball? Well, Speed Pool of course. FanIQ
  


• Ryan Church is a whiny bitch. Captiol Punishment
  


• In case you missed it, Michigan's womens basketball coach goes NUTS in a post game interview. You must see it. Gold, Jerry. Gold. Sportscolumn Blog
  


• Collection of odd baseball youtubes. On 205th
  


• All about the Jason Taylor situation. Sedano Show
  


• UTEP has sexy models on their basketball team. SportsbyBrooks
  


• UFC is ditching Mickey's for Bud. Say it aint so!! Cousins of Ron Mexico
  


• Dwarf Tossing is Illegal in NY. Who knew? Hugging Harold Reynolds for more on Dwarf Tossing check out this oldie but goodie.
  


• Did the Pistons "Bad Boys" have the best nicknames of any team? Legend of Cecilio Guante
  


• Shaq trade...now officially the worst thing they could have done. Larry Brown Sports
  


• New Oriole Luke Scott is a paranoid man with a gun. Can't Stop The Bleeding
  


• The Dodgers are erasing their steroids laden past. Lion In Oil
  


• John Papelbon is lookin pretty fly here. EBSports Blog
  

Your Beijing Olympics Opening Cermonies

LiveLeak has an inside look at one of the acts from this summer's Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies.



Looks Señor Spielbergo (Steven Spielberg's Mexican equivalent) is sparing no expense.

Act Like You've Been There Before. Oh That's Right You Haven't

We've been terribly remiss in not discussing the Tottenham brawl the night after their Carling Cup win over Chelsea last Sunday.

Captain Ledley King was tossed out of a club called Faces after being too faced to stand. Instead of leaving quietly, he decided to start a fight outside the club and the Daily Mail has pictoral goodness.

Ledley's in white with his back to the camera.

King attempted to fight his way back into the club by taking on several bouncers until he was restrained.


Several other Spurs players were at the club including Jermaine Jenas (seen below) and Aaron Lennon with his idiotic, matching eyebrow/hair parts.

Nothing says winner like dressing like a 14 year old kid who should be selling candy on the F train for a fictional basketball team trip to the Central African Republic. The funny thing is that Jenas would probably play just as well in his drunken condition as he would sober. Most of the other Spurs players at the club managed to hold it together and float the buoy.

The paper also reports that WAG Danielle Lloyd and David Beckham's sister Joanne got into it as well. Unfortunately their confrontation only consisted of a "heated argument". Witnesses said that the two were arguing about whether the Copenhagen interpretation is still worthy and whether stuff is really better than things.

Move over, Christopher Hitchens. We can prove God doesn't exist with one link.

There is no God.

If You're 36 And Wear Earmuffs

And you want to be a ballboy, call Peter Angelos.

The Baltimore Sun's Roch Kubatko reports that "there will be an open tryout March 8 at noon at Oriole Park for people 18 and older who want to be a ballboy or ballgirl this season".

I pray this isn't a typo. I just want Benny from the mailroom to finally live out his dream of being pegged by an Adam Loewen pickoff throw.

Kevin Bacon Just Wants To Dance...For The Knicks

Yea, Kevin Bacon here is obviously thrilled to be at a Knicks game and he's almost even more thrilled that he's being interviewed during halftime of what was surely a boring as sin game. So here he is, and all he wants to do is...DANCE!

Kevin Faulk Gets Blunted For Lil Wayne Concert

Patriots running back Kevin Faulk was issued a misdemeanor summons, not arrested, last friday for possession of 4 marijuana cigarettes in his pocket when he was searched going into the suites of the Lafayette Cajundome for a Lil Wayne concert. I hear ya Kev, if i was going to a Lil' Wayne show i'd sure want to be as blitzed out of my mind while sitting there, but son, you gotta protect your stash a little better than that! There are about a million ways to hide that herb man, how on earth are you gonna allow yourself to get caught?

Didn't you see everyone getting searched before you in line? Why didn't you get out of line and hide that shit in your shoe or something at the least?? They wont make you take your damn shoes off there, this isnt the TSA! Better yet, why the hell didn't you just smoke up before hand, then go backstage in the middle of the show and smoke up with his crew? You know he was carrying back there, he's Lil' Damn Wayne and you're a Patriots running back! People...learn from this lesson, don't be like Kevin Faulk, learn to smoke right if you must smoke at all.

From SeacoastOnline

Goldie's looking for a Dynamo in Houston.

Foosball Robots Will Take Over The World

The geeks over at the University Of Freiburg in Germany have created the ultimate Foosball opponent, a machine. Sorta like the Deep Blue of Foosball, the KiRo is constructed of several motors attached to the foosball table rods which are connected to the electronic control system and guided by a camera that continually scans the table surface for ball movement and player position and movement. The computer follows the ball's movement and speed and choses the best possible move based upon the speed, trajectory and position of all the foosball guys in the ball's path.

At this moment the machine has won 85% of its games against casual players, but the nerds at the school are hoping to get that up high enough to bring it on against pro foosball players. Now that I have to see, not the robot against pros, but pro foosball players actually playing foosball.

Here in America, we have our own challenger already for the KiRo and thats the Foosbot by the American geeks at Illinois University -Urbana-Champaign. They claim their machine is completely undefeated, although I doubt that from watching the machine work. Want to watch the devastation that is the foosbot? I thought so, check it below, and turn down the volume unless you wanna hear a crappy nu metal soundtrack:

Foosball man picture by MattRubens
Foosball story by HobbyStop

Johnny Bench Will Get You Drunk

Johnny Bench is being honored on a limited edition bottle of Makers Mark at Kentucky's Turfway Park. 3000 of these bottles have been made to commemorate their Lanes End Stakes. The booze will go on sale March 14th and proceeds benefit the Cincinnati Reds Hall of Fame and Museum and the Johnny Bench Scholarship Fund.

This should totally be a trend. I want more players to be on bottles of hooch for me to buy. Give me a Bret Boone bottle of Wild Turkey or the Bret Favre bottle of Sailor Jerry any day, i'll pony up for that stuff. Boy, guys named Bret love the hooch don't they?

From Local12

Your boys may not be able to swim anymore but that's cool. Norway's got your back even after you blow up the outside world. Yeah that was weak but anything for a Soundgarden video.

This video sucks but the sound is pretty good. Check out Eddie Van Halen and Michael Jackson on the same stage.



Good thing Wolfgang wasn't alive yet. Michael might have claimed him as royalties. King me, Wolfie!

Chimp Rage Needs Your Help

Ok gang, I am headed out to beautiful Las Vegas in a little over one month and I am in need of some fun and unique things to do there. Drop a note in the comments, tell the Deuce about your Vegas fun and let me know something new and interesting that I can do while I'm out there. Let me know what you think are the best tables, loosest slots, great unknown restaurants, fun random places that no one knows about or just fun places altogether, places for cheap drinks, etc...whatever, let me know. Even if you just want to wax poetic about your last Vegas experience, I wanna hear it. Might give me some ideas. If you even want to donate a buck or two for me to put on black, go ahead and do it here.

It'll be interesting to see if anyone will actually donate for the Bet on Black fund, I doubt it, but I just figured out how to do that button so watch out, it'll be all over this site in no time. Anyway, keep in mind, I've been there before, I've shot guns there, I've raced cars on the speedway (well I watched, that stuff is expensive, but i saw Mario Andretti), I've played most the table games, I've been to all the casinos, I've been to the Double Down Saloon and sucked down their ass juice, I've hit the strip clubs, I've done the Food TV restaurants like Emeril and Bobby Flay, I've been to clubs and lounges like Ghost Bar and Mix Bar, I've done the Rum Jungle...ok i can keep going, but the point is, I'm looking for something new and fun and since i'm a tourist, I don't know all that is there besides the touristy stuff.

I thought about hitting the pinball hall of fame, where you can play pinball machines for free, but the 20 buck cab ride out there doesn't make it seem worth it...especially because my girlfriend definitely doesn't want to check that out, but maybe you can change my mind. I'm looking to try the Price is Right but I have no idea if that is worth it. So if someone wants to chime in on that, that'd be good. So if any of you out there has any worthwhile ideas, let me know in the comments.

SPAM ALERT

Ok, some people out there in the world might be getting spammed by someone who is spoofing our address. Trust us, it is not us. But twice in the past week someone has been spoofing like crazy our email addy, which sucks for real. My inbox has been flooded by returned to sender mail for fucking ever. Same as Mustafa's. So, i'm sorry people who have been getting spammed, its not us, blame the spammer. If we find him, we will shit on him for you. Thanks for your time

You Are Who You Don't Think You Are

Eddy eat only good player on team. No want get better.

Somebody call the wahmbulance for Eddy Curry. He claims that he doesn't "fit in" with the Knicks. Apparently he's under the illusion that he doesn't suck. Somebody better let him know there's no other team for him. No one's going to help him realize his suck potential like Isiah. It's no good just being mediocre. If that's what Curry wanted, he should have gone to Philly.

Curry also claimed that he's not going to change who he is. At least he's committed himself to being a crap player.

Your Cluelessness Is Your Scarlet Letter

"I can't even look at you after this past week, whatever your name is."

I'll refrain from commenting too much on Spurs winning a tin cup for the first time in ... well forever. At least since the Thirty Years War. I'm not bitter or anything. I had a bad feeling about the Carling Cup final between Chelsea and Spurs on Sunday due to Chelsea's recent play.

Chelsea manager Avram Grant is starting to prove skeptics right as he was outcoached and outclassed yesterday by Spurs manager Juande Ramos. His tactics were questionable and that's being generous. He continues to get it wrong in terms of personnel decisions and adapting to changes and challenges during matches. It pains me to say it but Spurs deserved the win. One has to question if Grant really knows what the hell he's doing.

Somewhere Jose Mourinho and Steve Nash are laughing.

You Heard It Here First

Darren McFadden will be a Cincinnati Bengal this fall. How you ask? It's quite simple you see.

You're already aware that he loves fighting and somehow gets Escalades without getting nailed like an amateur such as Reggie Bush. Now you can add baby mama drama to the mix.

Teams at the NFL combine found out that not only is he the subject of a paternity suit but he already has two kids on the way. Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry agree that the Force is strong with this one.

However Henry also warned McFadden that he has a long way to go before he can touch Henry on and off the field. "Shit, dawg. I got nine kids with nine different mamas. He ain't even comin' close to that. I'll get worried when he gets to seven or eight."

No way the Bengals don't trade up to grab him.

Tennessee's Jordan Howell Is Feeling Sexy

The Vol's senior guard Jordan Howell can play the piano and sing...and is feeling sexy enough to tackle the mighty Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" like only a white kid from Alabama doing what sounds like a cover of Ben Folds Five covering Marvin Gaye can. He's even done a favor for us and stuck it up on Youtube for us all to watch and enjoy cringe. I'd say stick to basketball but he's averaging only 5.4 points a game so...um...yea, i hope he finishes up that degree in finance and gets a good job.

Straight Balla' stuff right there, so much so, he's even got his own fanclub on Facebook titled "Jordan Howell Usta be a bench warmin Screech look-a-like, now he's a BALLA!". Hilarious.

WTF?

No idea what is going on here

The English Love Their Kids

Not only will they sign 5 year old soccer players but now they have a 13 year old boy who will represent them in the 2008 Olympic Games. Tom Daley is going to be competing in the 10m Dive event for England, becoming the youngest kid ever to participate in the games for the country.

There has got to be some sorta built in advantage to being that young and doing a dive competition. I mean, he's like way lighter than all the other competitors, he'll be floating up there for ever doing his spins and tucks in mid air. His splash will have to be next to nothing going into the water since the kid looks like he weighs around 50lbs.

The Brits have the right idea, we Americans need to train a new legion of 8 year olds to compete in the Olympics against this kid. Its the only way we'll stay a national power.

From BBC Sport

Sometimes The Dumbest Bets Are the Best

In the UK a man wagered 1 dollar and won 2 million dollars. You have to love this story. This guy, who at present wishes to remain unknown, wagered the correct winner of 8 different races on the Friday horse races, he bet 1 dollar to win 2 million and hit the biggest parlay I've ever heard of. The first horse that won was named "Isn't That Lucky" and the last was "A Dream Come True". The best thing is, he didn't even know he won the next day because he was back at it on Saturday making more crazy parlays...where he didn't win a single won, losing $5.

I gotta start hitting the track more and trying this. Sure the odds are against you, but they have to be better than Powerball or Keno. Perhaps i'll try this when I go to Vegas in April. Ohhh yea.

From Yahoo Sports

What Would You Have If You Had Some Balls On Your Chin

Russell Westbrook let the PAC-10 know the answer in case they never heard The Chronic.



Unsilent linked this yesterday at Deadspin but we had to link it ourselves. Victim LeKendric Longmire is lucky that Russell didn't follow that up with some bukakke.

Cake: The New Killer

It's all fun and games until someone overdoes on cake. A cake eating contest in Birmingham, England has claimed the life of a man who was participating in the event to raise funds for an art exhibit. The cake that killed the man were fairy cakes, which are commonly known in America as cupcakes.

Yes you read that all right. Death by cupcakes. Yea, that is just not a dignified way to go there. Bloated from the ever expanding cake in the stomach, face covered in icing, your teeth and tongue stained from the coloring used to make the delicious treats look pretty, a glass of milk gets warm as your body gets colder...not the way I want to go at all. Truly tragic. Lets hope he won, although you can't have your cake and eat it too.

From BBC News

Constitutional Vol: "SUPER FLUSH"

Welcome to a long awaited Constitutional, brought to you by the Washington Nationals Super Flush of 2008. Check the links for more about that, but love this image from the Ballpark Guys forums. Also, for all you Nationals fans out there in DC, they're saying that Five Guys, Ben's Chili Bowl, Hard Times Cafe, Gifford's Ice Cream, Cantina Marina, Boardwalk Fries and others are set to open up outposts at the new stadium. That's fantastic news, I can't wait to see what other local foods I can get there in a couple months. Play ball...and welcome to the Constitutional.

• All you ever wanted to know about flushing 500 toilets at once in a baseball stadium. Washington Post
  


• These guys want to be the Nationals official beer. Washington Business Journal
  


• Hardcore ain't so hardcore anymore. Out of Left Field via With Malice
  


• Don't drink 50 Red Bulls a day, every day, or you will end up like this guy. Sports By Brooks
  


• Dropping a deuce at the Olympics will be tougher than you think. I love a good poo story. 100% Injury Rate @ FanIQ
  


• Mike Piazza had to sneak into a party...not a gay party, i repeat he did not attend a gay party. Sedano Show
  


• Sure Isiah, it was the trade deadline's fault. Scott Van Pelt Style
  


• Bruce Pearl does what every man wants to do, grab Erin Andrews. Awful Announcing
  


• American Gladiator's champ was a Blazers girl once...not quite as special as being a Lakers girl, but she's not trying to compete with J Lo or Paula Abdul, she could kick her ass. On 205th
  


• Creepy doll hung in effigy or just a boring video of a stuffed animal on a fan. You decide. SEC Football Blogger
  


• This guy is awesome. Luol's Dong
  


• The NBA Oscar Award goes to... JE Skeets @ Yahoo NBA Blog
  


• Oregon's basketball uniforms are kinda freaky. Mr. Irrelevant
  


• The greatest hamburger ever. Can't Stop The Bleeding
  

Joe Theismann Feels Your Pain

Arsenal's troubles continued today at St. Andrews where they drew 2-2 with Birmingham City. Their pain was increased by a horrific leg break inflicted on Crozilian (or Broatian if you prefer) striker Eduardo da Silva by Birmingham's Martin Taylor.


Lawrence Taylor does a couple lines and bows in Taylor's general direction.

When Showboating Goes Right

My name is Mustafa Redonkulous and I approve of this brawl.

Dude, we've tried nuthin' and we're fresh out of ideas.

Oh No You Don't

I won't stand for this. No way Elijah Dukes goes straight now. I am a Nats partial season ticket holder and I demand that the crazy continue. The Nats have Elijah, Da Meat Hook, Lastings Milledge and Paul Lo Duca on the same team and now they want to make everyone walk straight? Sheeeeeeit. I've paid too much money and invested too much hope in this potential train wreck. Just think of the potential Eastern Motors commericals that will never see the light of day. By Thor's Hammer, please don't take this away from us.

Arrrr, Matey. Here Be Your New Stadium

For some reason, the Devil Rays (yeah I know) have decided to stick with the ship theme for their new ballpark. 'Duk has posted a rendering of the new stadium along with links to other pics here.



As one commenter pointed out, wind and rain can go sideways. Just another example of the D-Rays cutting corners.

Expect the Bucs stadium to rape Scott Kazmir and pillage the D-Rays stadium shortly after it opens.

Random Photo of Horrific Violence: Motorcycle Fail

Let's hope this guy lived to fail again.

From: ToxicBlogs (few more pics there)

Lindsay Czarniak Is Big Time...Sorta

See that picture right there? Thats Lindsay Czarniak's caricature drawn up on the wall of the Palm restaurant in Washington DC. For those of you who don't know, that officially means you've "made it" here in town. I didn't know that Lindsay had "made it", but apparently she has because she is now on a wall full of DC power players, including Mr. Tony Kornheiser.

Unfortunately for Lindsay...they spelled her name wrong. This picture of the wall was snapped last year for the Washingtonian Magazine so hopefully, the good people of the Palm Restaurant have corrected this egregious error for our new favorite sports personality in town. Also of note...look close and you will see that the artist gave her a pearl necklace. Shame on you Palm, shame on you.

If it wasn't so damned expensive, we'd go in there tomorrow and check for ourselves to see if any of this is still there, but we're broke, so someone is going to have to pop in there and let us know if its still the same.

All those who don't live in DC do not get to see the lovely and talented Lindsay Czarniak on your television every night and that is a shame...but that also means that this little DC tidbit might mean absolutely nothing to you. So instead, here's a real picture of Lindsay for you to drool over you pervy bastards.
Ms Czarniak, we salute you and, at the very least, we hope you get your name changed on that wall.

New Technology Baffles Old Redskins

Mark Mosley, Charles Mann and Art Monk are amazed by those annoying über-geek people movers known as Segways. These guys look like they've never even seen one of these, let alone hopped on them to give them a spin. Its always personally crushing when the heroes of your youth look so old and feeble in the face of modern world. I...I think I heard Charles Mann giggle. I can't take this...I need to walk away for a bit.

Now You Can Settle Your Bets Like A Man

There's no cheating allowed with this sucker. The pro thumb wrestling ring gives you a professional way to settle all debts, by way of THUMB WAR! This little sucker prevents you from pulling the super deadly, "pointer finger sneak attack" maneuver an lets to and lets two thumbs battle it out, mano a mano...or really pulgar a pulgar. Yea, i know how to use an online dictionary.

Imagine the wars that could have been avoided if two world leaders could have duked it out with this? Hitler didn't stand a chance! Saddam's immobile beefy fingers had no chance with Bush's nimble, hook like digits! Thumb wrestling settles it all.

From Perpetual Kid

Proof That Spain and Real Madrid Hate Your Freedom

1. The Spanish Football Federation have fined Samuel Eto'o for singing anti-Real Madrid songs yet they continue to let their national manager Luis Aragones be a racist as well as tolerate the racist abuse of players by football fans including the Ultras of Real Madrid.

2. Speaking of Real, the Ultra Surs are some of the worst racists in football. They not only slander African players but they also come down on South Americans as well. All you American supporters should take a look at what Abu Muqawama found in Iraq.


That's a militia member currently fighting with the Americans. He's wearing a Barca hat.

Abu Muqawama also picked up on the fact that the Iraqi kids being trained by al-Qaeda were wearing black Real Madrid away shirts.

That's enough for us. Spain and Real Madrid are against you. Think about that the next time you cheer a Arjen Robben dive.

They Get Younger And I Stay The Same Age

Don't be surprised when European soccer teams start getting nailed for cruising public soccer fields in ice cream trucks looking for kids. "Hi, want some candy?" This is getting ridiculous.

Chelsea recently recruited 5-year old Archie Oates from Belmont Youth FC. This beats out Manchester United's signing of 9-year old Rhian Davis.

I'd put money on Archie. Rhian can't even spell Ryan. Then again lack of intelligence never stopped Rio Ferdinand or Cashley Cole.

Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down Redux

The Big Show would like to have a word with Money Mayweather.



Check Please.


Video courtesy of MediaTakeout.com

The Only Way To Make Billiards Somewhat Exciting on TV

You've got to hand it to the Aussies, they have managed to make billiards at least somewhat bearable on television. They have this game called Savage Speedball, where it's one guy shooting all the balls into the pocket as quick as possible (yellow balls first, then the red one, then the white one) and hopefully getting it done faster than his other opponent and, in some events, in a lesser distance running around the table. It is pretty much, what we would call in the states, EXTREME Billiards.

On their TV broadcasts, they even have heart rate monitors hooked up to the players, keeping track of their stress levels, because hitting balls into holes and running around a bumperless bumper-pool table gets the heart rate up pretty high for these loafs and they don't want anyone keeling over from the excitement. Now, I think they should be going simultaneously, but apparently they think this would be WAY too much action at once. Here's another Savage Speedball site with a nifty theme song that will blow you away.

Watch the scintillating action for yourself:

Extreme Jelly Beans

You know the end of times is upon us when Jelly Belly is hopping into the sports energy world of products. Jelly Belly has created the Extreme Sports Beans, which are caffeinated jelly beans "enhanced" with Vitamins B and C, carbohydrates and electrolytes. Ye Gods.

The Jelly Belly company even has a study by UC Davis that says that their beans are just as effective as sports drinks and gels in maintaining blood sugar levels and improving exercise performance. If you don't want that caffeine, you can just shoot for the regular Sports Beans, which are caffeine free and come in more flavors while still providing all the other bean enhancements. So, instead of cracking open that Gatorade, just chew up a package and a half of those tasty little jelly beans and kick some ass!

This isn't the end of these suped-up candies either. A Seattle PI reporter has found that there are now a ton of these products out on the market:

Last month, Mars Inc. introduced Snickers Charged, a version of the candy bar with a cup-of-coffee's worth of caffeine, plus B vitamins and amino acids, ingredients typically found in energy drinks. Jelly Belly Candy Co. has come out with Extreme Sport Beans, which are caffeinated and contain electrolytes, compounds beneficial for hydration, while Hershey Co. has launched caffeine-enhanced Ice Breakers Energy mints. Along with Jolt mints and gum, Buzz Bites, Foosh Mints, Crackheads chocolate-covered espresso beans and several others, these products make up a burgeoning "energy candy" category.

As if kids today aren't hyper-active enough, they now have these candies readily available to them to ramp up the ADHD to new, as of yet, unexplored levels. There is no way that any of these things are all that tasty, at least not as tasty as their less EXTREME original counterparts. Like I said before, the end of times are near...is nothing sacred?

Random Video of Horrific Violence: OH MY GOD NO

So this is a pretty disturbing edition of random video of horrific violence. Not that most aren't disturbing, but this one is just bad, not purely for the visual, but for the utterly horrifying guttural howls and moans this injured B.A.S.E. jumper belts out when his chute fails and he crashes to the ground. The sound is pretty NSFW unless you turn the volume down, not because of swear words or anything, there are no words, its just some of the worst sounds a human being can ever make.

Fox Let TO Get Called The N Word

This video is a month old, but we've never seen it, apparently on a Fox News show called "The Overtime" the producers of the show let a caller get away with calling Terrell Owens a "nigger" on live tv...even though they could have used a delay to bleep it out. Gotta love to hate Fox news huh? I'm not even sure what the caller is actually saying other than the N word flying in there. TO is a lot of things, but no one should ever dare call him that...well maybe unless you're his boy, then its probably ok. This video here is a bit dramatic, but you still get to hear what happened, let the comments fly in...

Who Deposed Who In The What Now?

Yo, I'll drop the suit, Reggie! The depositions keep callin' me, man!

This Reggie Bush business keeps getting darker and stranger by the day and we're not talking about him being a bust compared to Mario Williams or dating a tranny.

New Era Sports co-founder Lloyd Lake was scheduled to be deposed yesterday in regards to his lawsuit against Reggie Bush alleging non-payment for money and gifts given to Bush starting in high school and continuing through his entire college tenure. If the allegations are proved to be true, Bush could lose his Heisman and USC could lose the wins and national title earned while Bush was on the team.

Bush denies the allegations and claims that Lake shouldn't be believed because he's a convicted felon. If that's the case, why would someone show up unannounced to Lake's deposition with a gun?

Charles Robinson and Jason Cole of Yahoo Sports report that Lake's deposition didn't take place due to the presence of an armed man who came with Bush's attorneys, David Cornwell and Kevin Leichter. The attorneys "refused to reveal why the man was present".

"All Cornwell said was that this guy was working for the law firm of David Cornwell and that he has a CCW (carrying concealed weapon) permit," Watkins [Lake's attorney] said. "The guy sat with his arms folded the whole time, staring at Lloyd. Then he opened up his jacket and you could see that he had a gun on him. I asked (Bush's attorneys) to identify him, and they refused to even tell me his name. Then after going back and forth about it, they told me his name, but wouldn't tell me who he was working for or why he was there. I wanted a business card or something that explained who this guy was."

Watkins said the man followed Lake in "an intimidating manner" almost immediately after Lake arrived for the deposition ... After following Lake, the man sat down in the area where the deposition was to take place. Watkins said the man didn't identify himself, and instead stared at Lake before eventually opening his jacket to reveal a handgun. At that point, Watkins said he asked that the man leave.

Watkins said he halted the proceedings when the armed man moved "only eight to 10 feet away" from where the deposition was set to take place

Robinson and Cole also report that Cornwell, who is also employed as an ESPN analyst, told ESPN said he was advised to take precautions in Lake's presence.


We're just going to assume that Reggie's innocent so he decided to "persuade" Lake that this is a frivolous lawsuit by proxy. He'd be better off trying to steal the tapes of conversations between Lake and Bush's father. The tapes played on Real Sports have Bush's father promising that Reggie will pay Lake back on several occasions. Anyway, Bush has top notch representation and they wouldn't allow him to put himself in a compromising situation as seen below in an excerpt from an ESPN chat on Ookie's fate.

David Cornwell: That is a great point, Adam. Hopefully other young men, whether they play sports or not, will learn from Michael's experience that bad choices inevitably lead to bad consequences. Michael had incredible opportunities because of his athletic ability and rather than embrace the opportunity he embraced risky behavior that not only cost him the opportunities but also cost him his freedom.

Charlie Casserly's looking smarter by the day.

Shaka Zulu, Muthaf--ka!!

You cookin' with Coolio?

Do You Have Any Idea How F--cking Busy I Am

North Korea is a country on the move and in a hurry to get wherever the hell it's going. It's probably somewhere near inefficiency and famine.

Apparently the North Koreans don't have time to come up with an anthem or sew a flag. A minor diplomatic tiff has broken out over a World Cup qualifier between North and South Korea. The North wants to use a joint anthem and flag while the South prefers that each country use their own flag and anthem. You know a country's broke when they have to borrow an anthem and flag.

Empire Building With Jim Fassel

Did you know that if you're an empire, you create your own reality when you act? That's a little nugget from the Bush administration courtesy of The One Percent Doctrine. Jim Fassel's taken that to heart and decided to do the reverse and create an empire by creating his own reality on talk radio.

Fassel spoke to Mike and the Mad Dog on WFAN and explained why he's been unable to get a head coaching job.

"My biggest mistake was going to Baltimore," Fassel said. "That was the biggest mistake. I don’t think I needed to do that and when I went there and it was such a mess and got caught up in all that stuff..."

Now keep in mind the Ravens ended the season 13-3 and were 4-2 at the point he was fired by his BFF in 2006. Yes, the Ravens got much better when he left.

"I can’t tell you how many people have told me if you’d have just stayed out and done TV and radio and that stuff, it would have changed the whole perception of you," Fassel said.

That's it. The perception of Fassel had nothing to do with his relentless pursuit of a head coaching job during the season when he should have been focused on his job. It also had nothing to do with his lazy reputation among players and the front office.

Fassel's so good that Dan Snyder let him put together a coaching staff ... and then hired a guy who along with everyone else couldn't believe he got the job.

Fassel was supposed to be a slam dunk for the job once Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo returned to New York last week. After all, he helped put together the team's staff -- including the choice of Zorn as offensive coordinator -- and, according to Fassel, he had started to talk about a contract.

"I wasn't looking for just anything," Fassel, head coach of the Giants from 1997-2003, said Saturday night. "I was looking for the right fit, and I thought this was the right fit because I knew Dan (owner Dan Snyder). It's a long, twisted story."

If Fassel "knew Dan", he should have known what he needed to do to get the job. Why do you think Vinny Cerrato gets stronger while the rest fall off like Paperboy?

Looks like Paul Bremer finally has a soulmate. Crown his ass!

Full Court Shots Rock

I love a good full court basketball shot, this one is so impressive, it almost looks fake. Hella lucky basket.

Rick Riley Turns 50...Cannot Sing

Fresh off the heels of his new multi-million dollar contract with ESPN, Rick Riley just threw himself a 50th birthday bash complete with karaoke, unfortunately for Riley, he cannot sing karaoke.

...Reilly may have topped [Elway's steakhouse co-owner Tim] Schmidt in the ear-splitting category with his rendition of Me and Bobby McGee. "This is a little something I wrote with Kris Kristofferson," he joked.

"He sounds like he's losing his voice," one woman said. "That would be a good thing," her friend offered.

The party was held at Lannie's Clocktower Cabaret in Denver and its good to know that Riley and his friends, like Elway pictured above, are spending all that hard earned cash with style. Doesn't Riley look like he's enjoying himself there? He'd better just remember, easy come, easy go...just ask Spree. In any case, happy birthday Rick Riley, you signed a deal with the devil, might as well enjoy the party while it's hot.

Photo by Bradley Joseph via Rocky Mountain News

Sheeeeeit! Welcome To Bawlmer

"Meanwhile, Jones continues to seek out more information on the city he will call home during the baseball season. When word came out that the six-player deal was finally completed, Jones fielded a call from one of his brothers, who suggested that he start watching The Wire, the HBO police drama set in Baltimore."

Quote from Meet Mr. Jones: The Heart of the Deal by Jeff Zribiec, Baltimore Sun 2/11/08.

Boris Becker Has A Skyscraper?

Thats right, Boris Becker has a skyscraper, well he at least has one named after him. Down in Dubai there is a real estate development called the Sports Legends Trilogy which will have 3 towers all with athletes names lent to them. Michael Shumacher already has one building named after him, a 29 story tower called "Michael Shumacher Business Avenue", but Becker's new building named "Boris Becker Business Tower" is opening later this month as the final phase of the project.

Ok, so how bad ass is that? As much as we talk about Tiger and Lebron and MJ having it all, none of those cats have people who want to put their names on skyscrapers. I don't know if we'll ever see the day we have a Lebron Heights, Jordan Towers or Marbury Row. You know you have clout if you can be rollin' with the Trumps or the Carnegie's...granted they built those buildings themselves, but still, pretty darn neat.

Bloggers Now Can Lose Weight While Working

Now us bloggers have no excuse to have extra pounds. Some intrepid dude has come up with the Tread Desk. Thats right, its a desk that can lift up so you can work while you are walking or running right in front of it. Genius right? The bane of your existence? True as well. Going to burn a hole in your pocket if you wish to purchase it? You betcha! It can run up to 4000 bucks to get yourself a complete set up if you want to do it up all fancy, but it looks like you can be good to go with a $2000 outlay. In reality, the money you spend on this probably would be made up in the fact that you're actually active and burning some calories making you much healthier.

Sure there are plenty of us sports bloggers that could probably stand to lose some pounds. I'd love to drop a solid dime in weight. I can also think of a few head coaches that could use this during the week while they're preparing their game plans.
Yea, definitely Friedgen

Oh yea, Mangino too

Do not forget Weis in this...eh you get the point.

From Tread Desk

Random Video of Horrific Violence: EPIC FACEPLANT

We at the Deuce love some face plants, i mean look at that picture, that is pure awesome. There is nothing more cringe inducing than a solid face plant. This clip here is of a wrestler, who does not intend to give us glorious face plant footage, but he did and we thank him for mistiming his jump and landing his face on some stairs. The only thing that'd make it better is a nice, slow motion replay of it, but i just watched it seven times in a row and that helped to make up for it.

NEW T-SHIRTS!

In a nod to the Wizznutzz and their distinctive styles of t-shirts, the Deuce has gone ahead and created what is sure to be a sensation for Washington Nationals fans across the globe. Enjoy the 4 troublemakers and Jesus shirt, available in blue or red. Don't forget about the Elijah Dukes "You Dead Dawg" t-shirt as well. With pitchers and catchers reporting, you should get your baseball gear now!

Also we have the ZORN!!! t-shirt with the image below on a black t, for ladies and men.

Visit Deuce of Davenport Apparel by clicking on the image above or right here

Redskins Achieve Consistency, Hire From Within

Ok, so that is not a totally accurate statement. While they did promote D-line coach Greg Blache to the Defensive Coordinator position, the Redskins did the unthinkable on Saturday by promoting their newly hired (like, not even 2 weeks) Offensive Coordinator, Jim Zorn, to the position of the Head Coach of the Washington Redskins.

Mustafa did a great post this weekend on this topic, and many others have posted their own takes, so, being a Redskins fan, and a pretty die-hard one, I figure I might as well put in my two cents on this decision.

I heard about the hiring of Jim Zorn while drinking a tasty Strongbow (official beverage of the Deuce of Davenport) at the always fun Atomic Billiards in Washington DC and my reaction was shock, anger, sadness and disgust all at once. My girlfriend thought someone had died in my family, I started to tell her the news, and she quickly lost interest right about when I said "The Redskins...". So I decided to share my news with the bartenders and patrons around me. As a whole, the reaction from everyone at the bar was shock, anger, sadness and disgust all at once, just like me. I wasn't alone.

Soon thereafter, Trapper John entered the establishment, he being a Buffalo Bills fan I thought he would enjoy mocking the Redskins decision if only because his team is coached by Dick Jauron and anyone the Redskins hire is going to actually be worse than Dick. I told him the news and indeed his comment was "Hah! That's it, that's all I have to say. Hah!" After this, text messages came in from all over. A friend of mine from Seattle has not stopped texting me the same message of "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" for now going on 24 hours. Mustafa was texting me the same as well. My father is giving me the silent treatment after I texted my mom the news to break to him. He is getting old and surely didn't want to hear this was going to be the Redskins' head coach for around 3 more years. There's only so much a man can take.

After a day of getting mocked and processing my own emotions I have come to this conclusion... Maybe it's not so bad? He will be the most driven coach we have ever had because he actually has something to prove. This is not to say the other coaches weren't "driven", Schotty is always driven, but he's been there and done that before, Spurrier was done once he got his multi-million dollar payday, Gibbs didn't have anything to prove because he could always fall back on the whole, "I won you 3 Super Bowls" thing, but Zorn, he has to succeed, or he might not get another chance at this. He has got the most to prove out of any coach we've had here since Norv was hired...but lets not think about him...

Andy Reid worked out ok with the same level of coaching experience, same with Shanahan, and I cannot honestly say I wanted Fassel or Mariucci as coaches here. Ron Meeks would have been a solid hire in my mind, but that would mean they'd have to fire Greg Blache, and they only promote after 2 weeks, they don't fire after 2 weeks. Really, is there anyone else that they could have hired at this point that actually could be a good hire? I somehow think this is actually the best they can get, and while sad, at least he's got low expectations to start unlike the other coaches who were supposed to lead the Redskins to the promise land.

So while unorthodox, very very unorthodox, some would say unprofessional ( I certainly would), I am not sure if it is really a bad move at this point. It is a really poorly handled move and I think if they had to somehow salvage this bungled, crock of shit, mess of a debacle of a head coaching search...this might be the best way to do it.

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Zednik's Throat Slashed

When skating on ice with really sharp blades, its always a danger in the NHL that someone is going to get cut. It rarely happens that someone gets their carotid artery sliced. Here's the video of Richard Zednik getting his throat cut open, hitting that major artery, and the blood that gushed on the ice. The scared look on Zednik's face says it all.

(AP Photo/Don Heupel)

Tecmo Bowl Replay of Giants Final Drive

Tecmo bowl will never leave us, ever. These guys have whipped up a Tecmo Bowl representation of the last 2 plays that really counted from the Giants Super Bowl win. We've got Eli & David Tyree's "The Play" or "The Escape" or "The Catch II" or whatever you want to call it, as well as Plaxico's touchdown catch to give the Giants the win. All set, beautifully, to a Radiohead soundtrack. Well done peoples. You deserve an award. Not from us, but from someone that actually makes money off their website.

Erik Bedard Throws The O's Under The Bus, Hon

"With Baltimore, it seems like you were backwards. When I first got there, they were signing players and trying to compete with Boston and New York. Then it went downhill. I'm glad to be here."
-- Seattle Mariner Erik Bedard

No matter how Rick Maese tries to spin it, Bedard's right. The Orioles have been going backwards since 1998. By no means does trading him to the Mariners mean the team is out of the woods but it's a hopeful first step. Adam Jones is a great pickup and Orioles manager Dave Trembley has already told George Sherrill that he wants him to be the closer this season.

Orioles fans, including myself, are surprised and strangely relieved that the deal was successful. We suck again and that's a good thing. Hopefully this is a sign that GM Andy MacPhail will be allowed to go about his job and rebuild the team. Besides Jones and Sherrill, the Orioles picked up three pitching prospects in addition to the prospects received in the Miguel Tejada trade.

After trading Bedard and Tejada, Brian Roberts is next up on the block if the rumors are correct. Owner Peter Angelos is a strong supporter of Roberts and has been reluctant to let him go in spite of the Cubs wanting to feel the fiber of his fabric. Even if the Orioles trade Roberts for value, the fact still remains that the organization has wasted over ten years and millions of dollars for 4th place finishes. If that's not going backwards, I don't know what is. Baltimore's already the city that bleeds. It's got to stop somewhere.