Two Cents on Gibbs Resignation

Here at the Deuce we love the legend of Joe Gibbs, but as with most legends, the stories are better than the actual truth. The truth is, in Gibbs reincarnation as a head coach, he was largely unsuccessful. He was still a good motivator, he's made as many good personnel moves as he made atrocious ones, but he never figured out time management or the NFL's replay system and for a guy who was once considered one of those NFL offensive "geniuses", his system turned out to be dated and predictable in the modern NFL. His 4 year win/loss totals ended with an unimpressive 30-34 and two lackluster appearances in the playoffs as a wild card.

Joe Gibbs did give the Redskins a couple things they have not had for a long time though, consistency and leadership. Sure it was consistent mediocrity, but there was no massive shuffling of coaches or players in his 4 years here as head coach. The one big change was the implementation of Al Saunders offense, which possibly could be one of the best moves Joe made here in his time with the Redskins. The last four games of the season, the league saw that when their players are healthy, the offense can be effective and possibly still quite prolific.

As for leadership, I think its safe to say the Redskins players over the last four years have never had a coach that inspired them more than Joe Gibbs had. They played for him like they never wanted to let him down. They battled through injuries for him, they crawled into the playoffs twice for him, they learned from him what it takes to be a football player and what it means to be a Redskin. He instilled within them the organizational pride that had not existed since the 80s and one can only hope that will be his legacy here in his second term as head coach.

Joe Gibbs leaving it is a bit sad but he's left the team with a possible franchise quarterback and a solid defense for the next head coach to build from. Unfortunately he's also left them with an aging offensive line, salary cap issues, and wide receivers that scare no one. The best thing that Redskins fans can possibly hope from Gibbs' departure is that Dan Snyder will finally hire a general manager to pick the players and set a new organizational mission for the next head coach. No more of this Coach/gm/president business, the rest of the league realizes this rarely works, and hopefully Danno has figured it out as well (after much trial and error).

In all, Gibbs 2.0 was not a failure [but it wasn't a resounding success either]. While the Redskins didn't make the Super Bowl in his four seasons, Gibbs leadership formed a team identity that had not existed for a long time in Washington and taught his players how to play football the right way and the Redskins way...even if he didn't always make the right decisions himself.

My Prediction For The Election? Kane! Part II

Ah we meant to get the Democrats the day after we did the Republicans but a BBQ coma from Hill Country slowed me down like Mark Foley on eHarmony.com. Zing. In the meantime, several candidates on both sides have dropped out which makes part of what we were going to do moot. We'll do the most of the field from before the Iowa caucus anyway.

So if you remember Wonkette reported that WWE wrestler Kane endorsed Ron Paul for President. That got us wondering who the candidates would get to endorse them from the world of sports. You can find the Republicans here.

Dennis Kucinich - Spud Webb/Mugsey Bogues

There's a reason Tom Cruise demands small co-stars and elevator shoes. He doesn't want anyone else to steal the spotlight from him. The same goes for a political endorsement. Dennis Kucinich needs the endorsement of someone with similar stature. Spud Webb and Mugsey Bogues match up rather well. Webb and Bogues were able to overcome their height disadvantages to succeed in the NBA. Kucinich...well he didn't pull a MLK and overcome in the election but he definitely married out of his league so he's got that and only that going for him which is nice.

Bill Richardson - Isiah Thomas

Bill Richardson, Isiah Thomas and success go together like peanuts and gum. It's not clear how they continue to get so many chances when they fuck up as often as they do. No one understands fucking up golden opportunities like Isiah. He destroyed the CBA, failed with a solid Pacers team and made the Knicks an international laughingstock. The UN thinks they're beyond help and they're in Lebanon and Kosovo.

Bill's also a notorious assgrabber. If there's one thing Isiah's good at, it's grab ass. Just ask Anucha.

By the way, this should be his campaign song.

Joseph Biden - Ozzie Guillen

Talk about two people who most will agree actually have experience that doesn't include being married to someone with experience. They would probably get much further in life if they knew when to shut the fuck up.

Hillary Clinton - Brenda Warner

Conspiracy theorist? Check. Neurotic? Check. Sense of Entitlement? Check. All Hillary needs is a more butch haircut, a tacky blouse and she's good to go.

Hillary's panic attack campaigning over the past weeks reminds one of her conspiracy theory protestations during the Clinton I reign. If Bill played for the Skins, it would be easy to see her call up Sportstalk 980 to bitch out the Sports Reporters for calling out her man.

It's also rumored that Pokey Chatman is leaning her way but that's another story.

John Edwards - Scott Boras

Forget the stump speeches about poverty and his daddy working in some sort of mill. John Edwards will say whatever he has to win although he's an amateur compared to Mitt Romney who would probably sell his wife to an Albanian human trafficker if it meant New Hampshire.

While he was a trial lawyer, he had no hesitation about using his deceased son in a closing argument. He and his wife Elizabeth refer to his "electability. Read: I'm not black or a woman. He also has no time for gays.

Scott Boras will do anything for a buck including lie to his clients. They're a match made in heaven.

Barack Obama - Howard Cosell's Ghost/Jim Brown

No one supported a black frontrunner like Howard Cosell. Just ask Muhammad Ali. "Look at that little monkey run! For president!" Then again he might want to keep Cosell's ghost under wrap. He needs that African-American vote in South Carolina and Rev. Jesse's already stuck up for Edwards.

Obama needs to go for someone with undeniable street cred. Enter Jim Brown. He played lacrosse and football. He was in the Dirty Dozen and I'm Gonna Git You Sucka. He's got mass appeal. He even did one of the first interracial love scenes with Raquel Welch in 100 Rifles and got all Shawn Kempish with Michael Jackson's girlfriend from the Thriller video. Let's not even forget The Running Man.

Brown is the man that said "Make sure when anyone tackles you he remembers how much it hurts." Those are words to live and run by.

Chris Dodd - Eh.....

Vick Not the First NFL Player Sentenced To Leavenworth

Everyone knows Michael Vick left Virginia on Monday and headed out to Leavenworth Prison in Kansas to carry out his drug treatment program. Did you know, however, that he is not the first NFL player to be incarcerated in Leavenworth? Let us go into the wayback machine and remember the infamous Bam Morris.

Byron "Bam" Morris had numerous scrapes with the law, but the biggest was in 2000 when Bam pleaded guilty to federal drug trafficking. He admitted attempting to distribute more than 220 pounds of marijuana in the Kansas City area between Jan. 1, 1998, and May 10, 2000. He was sent to Leavenworth and served his sentence, being released two years later, but those two years were no picnic in federal "pound you in the ass" prison says Bam,

"The federal is like a Cadillac where you have televisions, phones, air conditioning," said Morris. "You watch movies on the weekends. The only thing you are missing is your freedom. You have longer visiting hours."

But another fact of life in prison was that Morris was a target because he was a celebrity.

"I had guys wanting to fight me. I had to fight," said Morris. "People wanted to fight me because I was an ex-football player. They told me I lost them money in the Super Bowl. They were fighting me over that. Others told me how stupid I was. I always had to defend myself."

Boy, Vick might want to watch out, there have to be a ton of people in the prison that lost a lot of money on him over the years. I know i lost a few bucks on that poor excuse for a quarterback. Anyway, after Leavenworth Bam was convicted of violating his parole of a previous plea bargain in Texas and was sent to jail again, getting released in 2004.

But who says there are no second chances after Leavenworth? According to Bam's Wikipedia page,

"In January of 2006, Morris was signed by the Orlando Predators of the Arena Football League. The NFL reinstated his eligibility as a player on January 13, 2006. Morris quit Predators training camp the following day stating that he hoped to win a contract with an NFL team. A mere two months later, on March 9, 2006, Morris signed with the Katy Copperheads of the National Indoor Football League."

So see, it might not be too long before we see Vick follow in Bam's footsteps and, at the very least, play some fun Arena ball...just as long as he doesn't get the crap kicked out of him in jail.

The Constitutional Vol. "Bowl Game Hangover"

With the NCAA football all wrapped up in a tidy little bow, there wasn't much going on for us to find, so we're gonna fire at you a link dump of stuff that others wrote to make up for our shortcomings. Yea, we know, we're a bit lazy sometimes. Maybe if people would send us stuff to write about we could actually post a bit more! Yea, that's right, i'm callin you out!! Anyway...Welcome to the Constitutional.

• Rose Bowl float volunteer tells of his harrowing day. Broowaha
  


• Help Sidney Pointer get in touch with Gilbert Arenas! Gilbert where are you?? Scott Van Pelt Style
  


• Ex-FBI Agent says Clements act is "shaky". Daily News
  


• Dan Snyder seems to ruin everything he touches these days. City Desk
  


• Redskins Radio guy Bram Weinstein thinks sound definitely was piped into the Seahawks stadium. Covering the Redskins
  


• American Gladiators that didn't make the cut. Kissing Suzy Kolber
  


• Whoops...liar. More Credible
  


• Hockey players can be quite limber. Going Five Hole
  


• NBA 1st quarter grades...i think? With-Malice
  

This Guy Makes Bobby Knight Look Sane

Roller Derby is a contact sport, but who knew that sometimes the coaches get into the game. Check this footage out, this coach is not happy with the outcome of the game and goes ballistic at the end of the match. This is straight out of WWE.

You Know You Don't Want This

But we're gonna give it to you anyway. Here's Floyd Mayweather...sorry Money's video Yep.



I can't wait for the Larry Holmes/Evander Holyfield duo debut as Mumblefuck.

Beers Around The NFL Playoffs

The NFL playoffs start this weekend and we at the Deuce cannot be more excited. The playoffs are a time when we can actually watch every game on television and see the best of the best duke it out for a chance at the championship. The only beverage one should be consuming during this festive time is, of course, beer. So lets take a look at the 12 NFL playoff teams and the beer that best represents the cities/states/districts they are in. If you can actually find all 12 of these near you, get them, and drink them all this weekend with their corresponding games.

lets start out with the NFC...

Dallas Cowboys
Shiner Bock
A somewhat decent beer but a poor imitation of an actual German Boch beer. Sorta what you'd expect a Cowboys fan to drink since its from Texas and Texans love all things Texas and think that Texas is better than the rest of the union let alone the world...but we all know it isn't and neither are the Cowboys. It tries to be classier than most American macrobrews but in reality its not that much different than the rest. Easy to go down and more flavorful than most macrobrews but when compared to all beers out there, its not that special at all. Drink it cold from a tap and you probably will do fine for yourself.

Green Bay Packers
Miller Lite
Yes, we all know this beer. This is the beer you graduated to after you totally realized that Milwaukee's Best and PBR sucked ass...in high school. This is your college beer and hopefully you don't drink it anymore because once you left school you had money and could afford a real beer. But if you do drink it, you know what to expect. Virtually no flavor, goes down like water, takes a lot to get you drunk but allows you to do a nice slow burn to total unconsciousness with enough effort. You have to drink an equal amount of beers as years Brett Favre has played in the NFL to really get your evening going...and you will.

Seattle Seahawks
Red Hook ESB
Now this is a classier beer here. Not a major brewer, its made in Washington, which means they can actually take the time to make a more complex beer since its not in super mega ultra mass production. Has a sweet and hoppy flavor and pours a copper/orange color and will satisfy you for a nice long evening of drinking. Its a good beer, typical of the Pacific Northwest breweries and Seattle fans should be proud to drink this beer, but like the team, it beat out a weak field to get this distinction.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Bud Light
They dont really brew much beer in Florida. There is the Florida brew company but I cant say I've ever had their beers or heard of it. When I think of Tampa Bay I think of one thing, stripclubs. For my strip club dollar there is only one beer I drink. Bud Light. Nothing goes better with that strip club stank than a nice watery beer that won't get you so drunk that you'd do anything stupid in the club...and won't cost you an arm and a leg with the strip club's beer tax added on to it. Plus Jeff Garcia's wife is a former Playboy playmate which means she stripped naked on at least one occasion. So cheers Tampa fans, drink your Buds with shame heavy in your heart. You are a town of strip clubs and strippers and your beer reflects you.

New York Giants
Brooklyn Lager
The unofficial beer of NYC and for good reason, this beer is a little gem of the US microbrewery world and a pretty good lager. Great complex flavor, full body, its an excellent example of how a lager should be made but something is missing, its still not an amazing beer, just a good one. Add it all up and its above average, much like the Giants. Has all the pieces to be a very good beer, but something is still missing to make it stand out above the entire league. Sure it looks good in its division, even its conference, but its not about to win the championship anytime soon.

Washington Redskins
Dominion Ale
Washington DC doesn't really have a brewery to call its own, at least not an operating one, but due to its close proximity to Virginia and Maryland the city does have a few beers to choose from which it can adopt as its own. For this exercise I guess we'll choose the old standard, Dominion Ale brewed right near Redskins HQ in Ashburn, VA. Its another quality microbrew with all sorts of flavor that sits on your mouth for awhile. Like the Redskins you don't know exactly how good it is until its finished.

and now for the AFC...

New England Patriots
Sam Adams Boston Lager
I mean, can there be another beer to choose for this team? This beer was at one time critically acclaimed but has since kinda sold out to become quite corporate and mass produced which is quite obviously shown in its flavor. Like the Patriots, the beer's acclaim is a bit tainted with controversy, no it wasn't a videotape scandal, but a ballot stuffing scandal at the Great American Beerfest where it won best beer in America many times a bit suspiciously.

Indianapolis Colts
Three Floyds Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout
Indiana also doesn't have a lot of breweries, but one of the beers this state produces is widely considered one of the best in the world. It is thick with what seems to be a thousand different flavors hitting the mouth at once. Coffee, molasses, malt, chocolate, fruits, wood, nuts, hops all come to tongue and mind when drinking this beverage. It is truly one of the best beers created anywhere at anytime. The Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts (for another month at least) should be watched and savored with this beer along side. Get it while you can though, its not around much and who knows when it'l be back.

San Diego Chargers
Arrogant Bastard Ale
This beer, like the Chargers, could be one of the best beers in its league but it isn't. Actually some of the other Bastard beers are actually far better, but this one just gets around a lot more. Anyway, its got quite a rich flavor and you wont be disappointed drinking it. The same can't be said for watching the Chargers, one week they look unstoppable, the next week they get stopped. If it weren't for their arrogant bastard GM switching coaches last year they might be taken a lot more seriously. Sure no one has won with Marty, but NO ONE wins with Norv.

Pittsburgh Steelers
Iron City Beer
Now this is a craptacular beer in the Milwaukee's Best vein of beers only somehow different and in my opinion worse. You know what you're getting with this beer though, its a working man's beer, nothing complex to think about with it as you just pound it and get it over with. There is no finesse here which is a perfect comparison to the Steelers game. They run it, they use play action, they have fundamentally solid defense. You know what you're getting and they give it to you. Sometimes, that's all a guy can want.

Jacksonville Jaguars
Natural Light
Again, the lack of Florida beers makes this difficult. So, because David Garrard might not be effective for the first round of the playoffs with his ankle and the crappy Steelers field might slow them down, I feel like this team is a bit watered down from what it could be. Jacksonville as a city is the most populated one in the state and one of the most populated cities in the country, but no one considers it a real city. All of that put together is like what I think of Natural Light. It sells a lot, but its not really a real beer, its quite watered down so it tastes like beer water. Its just pure nastiness and while it is technically beer, it really isnt. Its just suck in a can.

Tennessee Titans
Steel Reserve 211 High Gravity
Like a few other teams, this team's state has no beer to call it's own and since I've never been there, I'm just going to have to pick one so Steel Reserve it is. Why? Well because this beer is horrendous but it gets the job done. Luckily its sold in 40 ounces and once you get halfway through the bottle you cant even taste it anymore since your body's natural defense mechanisms kick in and save you from having to suffer through it anymore...but MAN will it get you shit-faced. What I am saying is, like the Titans, its shit, but it works.

Hockey Players Should Not Try Comedy

Some people were born to be comedians, Chicago Blackhawks defenseman James Wisniewski is not one of them. He shows his lighter side in this mini-movie entitled "Don't Quit Your Day Job" where he plays the role of the caretaker of a hotel. I'm not sure if this is an ad, a school project, a favor or what but it goes on entirely too long. This begs the question of why I am posting it? The answer is because the Deuce doesn't really give much time to hockey and this is sadly one of the most interesting things we've seen to post about the sport...even if it is a train wreck. Um...enjoy?

Let The Games Begin...

The World Series of Beer Pong is currently underway in Las Vegas at the South Point Casino. You can read all about some of the goings on from the first day here in the blog of a guy named "The Champ" from the team Saddam's Model Home, a wonderful pull from the now cancelled but never forgotten Arrested Development.

There are 295 other poorly wittily named teams participating this year with 16 teams currently tied for first place with records of 6-0 after the first day of competition. Two more days of this contest are left for one team to win the $50,000 first place prize.

Everyone loves a good drinking game and even if this does have the possibility of being the worlds biggest frat party I cannot help but wish I and all of the Deuce members could be out there with them drinking beer for the chance to win money. Ladies and gentlemen, what the fuck is more American than that?

The Constitutional Vol. "Its Friday B*tches!"

Some pretty crazy comments from our Republican candidates roundup that we did yesterday, people certainly are passionate about politics. Don't worry, we'll have a post on the Democrats soon enough. It is Friday though, so we might as well head into the weekend with a bang and a dump of links for everyone...Welcome to the Constitutional.

• DC legend Chuck Brown gets a shout out at the Orange Bowl. Scott Van Pelt Style
  


• Should Bud Selig actually think about contraction again? I'm Writing Sports


• One way the Patriots lost on Saturday. Hot Chicks Hot Picks
  


• Owen Pochman wrote a book and apparently its good. Here's a review. Sports Agent Blog
  


• Japanese show their collective cultural insanity yet again. With-Malice


• New Jersey Nets wont be playing in Brooklyn next year. Cant Stop The Bleeding
  


• A good rant about college bowl season. The Money Shot
  


• You can own a jersey from the NHL's Winter Classic, lets hope the money goes to a charity or something. Going Five Hole
  


• With conference play starting, here's 8 teams to keep an eye on for the new year in NCAA basketball. The Sports Lounge
  


• We've heard this before, but here's more proof that the NBDL is useless. Epic Carnival
  


• Mr. Irrelevant & Sporting Blog's Chris Mottram gets interviewed in the blogger interviews series. The Big Picture
  


• Stadium security scares the crap out of experts. MSNBC
  


• ESPN's film crew needs clearly written instructions. Knoxville Films
  


• Cam Cameron really should've thought things through a little bit. Larry Brown Sports
  

Kevin Durant Is Havin A Party

Kevin Durant is finally coming back to his home, the DC Metro Area, and is throwing a party for his return. The Sonics play the Wizards at the phone booth on Sunday January 6th and the party is on Friday night so this gives young mister Durant plenty of time to recuperate after imbibing all night long. Wait, Kevin Durant was born in September of 1988...this means he cannot even drink legally in this club? This means he can just dance and eat?? We must get pictures of him boozing it up, we'll give away a random box of poop to someone who gets us some photos.

If you didn't see it on the post twice already, "LADIES ARE FREE ALL NIGHT", which means this party is one huge sausage fest waiting to happen. You know its gonna be packed with dudes from 9-11, eating that complimentary buffet and waiting for the "hordes" of women who are supposed to show up.

Remember, the Deuce is sadly going to be busy this evening so if anyone can get us photos of this event, we've got prizes to send to you. Well, a prize, a random box of poop we'll call it. Just make sure they're good photos.

My Prediction For The Election? Kane!

Wonkette reports that WWE wrestler Kane has endorsed Paultard #1 Ron Paul.

Stories like this gives us...well me the chance to touch on other subjects outside the world of sports such as politics. If you have any interest in politics or a sadomasochistic streak, Wonkette is a required visit several times a day for a generally humorous look at the assclowns and hacks who run this country.

It's usually a clusterfuck when the worlds of sports and politics collide. There are exceptions but the loudest ones (see Curt Schilling) are usually the reason why people say athletes and other entertainers should stay out of politics. This is said as though the average person or politician is that much more intelligent. Elections aren't contests for the most qualified. They're glorified popularity contests for power-hungry/delusional people who are about stuff, things and whatever you're for. Enter Kane.

“Over the next year or so, many different people are going to tell you which presidential candidate to vote for. I’m not qualified to do that (and, in reality, neither is anyone else), but I would like to explain why I support and am going to vote for Congressman Ron Paul. [I'm going to tell you who to vote for anyway.]

...If you aren’t concerned about any of these things, you’ll have plenty of choices for President in 2008. If, on the other hand, you would like to see the IRS eliminated and the income tax ended, a return to sound money and the end of inflation, and a President who takes his oath to defend the Constitution and the Bill of Rights seriously, then Dr. Ron Paul is your only choice.

It’s not just a catch phrase; Ron Paul is Hope for [white] America.”

Well this endorsement means nothing when you put it up against Ric "WOOOO!" Flair and Chuck Norris' endorsement of Mike Huckabee.

Every candidate should have a pro sports endorsement. We've gone through the trouble of matching them up with someone from the world of sports so they can spend more time telling you that showing up and being in the same building means more foreign policy experience and that atheists, agnostics and non-Christians are on their own when the homeland is attacked in Iraq. 9/11!

We'll start off the Republican endorsements today and bring you the Democratic endorsements tomorrow.

Mitt Romney - Bobby Petrino/Nick Saban

Mitt gets the two for one here. What better says I'll tell you whatever you want to hear but don't trust a word I say because you can bet I'll change than the endorsements of Atla...Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino and Miam...Alabama head coach Nick Saban?

Ron Paul - Jerry Glanville

Yeah he has Kane but Jerry Glanville works on so many levels. Both are batshit crazy and have no discernible talent. Paul has gotten lucky due to the existence of thousands of idiots who would have thrown their weight behind Nader if he were around yet most can't tell you what he's about besides Iraq.

Paultard #1 hangs out with Stormfront, wants to get rid of most federal agencies and thinks we can dump the federal income tax without having a plausible alternative.

Glanville got lucky with Warren Moon, Haywood Jeffries, Drew Hill and Ernest Givens. He left tickets for Elvis during every game he coached and dressed like an off-brand Johnny Cash. He was a disaster as a studio commentator but he did have Pigskin Footbrawl. I assume Ron Paul's game would team up Kane, Ric Flair and Stromfront as they cruise the country in an RV hunting down black people. Surviving the Game on wheels if you will.

Duncan Hunter - Jerry Tarkanian

All Hunter needs to do is start chewing on a towel. As Trapper John points out, neither have seen a bribe they haven't liked. Anderson Hunt and the Mafia are to The Tark as Duke Cunningham and Brent Wilkes are to Hunter.

All we need to see is a picture of Hunter hanging out in a hot tub with Duke, Wilkes and a couple defense contractors a few weeks before the contractors get a massive no-bid contract from DoD. You sit here and tell me that UNLV really lost that game against Duke. That was possibly one of the biggest fixes in NCAA history. Well besides the one orchestrated by Dion Lee and Dewey Williams.

Fred Thompson - Marv Levy

Yes they're very old and very white but they also have the same trait of being absolutely useless in power. Senator Thompson would often be caught sleeping under his table or in the cloakroom while GM Levy was busy doing nothing except digging in his Depends over and over again. He did take the Bills $10 million under the cap but forgot that he had the money or he sent it to Sani Abacha's son in Nigeria.

Thompson has never done anything except be a yes man during Watergate. It's not clear if he remembers what he's running for.

"Senator, where do you stand on immigration reform?"
"Why I go in and out of comas all the....French toast please!"

Alan Keyes - Darren Daulton

Now go to If They Only Knew on DarrenDaulton.com. Nuff said.

Mike Huckabee - Wayne Fontes

Oh don't let the poll surge and sweet talk fool you. Oh Huck's damn charming but he's a certifiable wack job too. When he's not quarantining people with AIDS or Pakistanis, he's taking back the country for Christ. Wait until more stories about his beliefs come out.

There are only a few in sports so detached from reality. Hah? One is former Detroit Lions head coach Wayne Fontes. Nothing fazed him. He met constant defeat, disappointment and the threats of thousands of fans with a smile Corky would have loved. He always had a cheery demeanor and warm smile. Either he was that tough or he was about as aware as a kid who chugged lead paint for 10 years.

Rudi Giuliani - Bill Belicheck

This has nothing to do with going undefeated. It has everything to do with being a prick and being a cheat...The wife thing not Spygate. Then again it doesn't seem Belicheck would be stupid enough to appoint some equivalent to Bernie Kerik to a coordinator position or recommend him for a position in the league office. You know you done fucked up when they take your name off the jail.

John McCain - Drew Bledsoe

Both know what it's like to undergo intense mental and physical torture. McCain was held and tortured as a POW by the Vietcong while Bledsoe got wrecked by Mo Lewis and then had to endure the success of Tom Brady and Tony Romo.

Ain't That A Kick In The D--k

Hey Zhang Bin, we want you to you to be the face of our new network to over a billion people! How's that sound? What if we also made you the face of our Olympic coverage?? Sound good? Yeah? Now what if we throw in a pissed-off wife? Whose wife? Yours!

It's one thing being shamed in front of milllions like Hawaii's offensive line. It's another to be called out and made to look like an assclown by your wife in front of hundreds of millions.

Zhang Bin was in the midst of relaunching CCTV-5 as the Olympics Channel when his wife crashed the set, grabbed his mike and read him the riot act for allegedly having an affair. She then compared his adulterous behavior to China's poor human rights record.

Only two hours earlier, she said, she'd discovered his "improper relationship."

And as Zhang stood open-mouthed, uncertain what to do, she bravely coupled his infidelity with her country's poor human rights record.

"Today is a special day for the Olympics Channel, it's a special day for Zhang Bin, and it's a special day for me too," she said.

...Fighting off attempts to remove her, she said: "That French foreign diplomat also said that until China is able to start exporting its values, it won't be able to become a great power." "Yet Zhang Bin can't even face up to his own hurt wife. I think China, to succeed as a great power...

"Don't any of you have any conscience? Let go of me! We're very far from being a great country."

Zhang figured he was in the clear thanks to the government's oppressive censorship but no such luck. Video was posted on Chinese websites but was then moved to international websites like YouTube after the Chinese government removed them from the Chinese sites.



Play on, playa. Play on.

Learn Them Kids Real Good

Oh well. Too bad Christmas is already gone. You might be able to squeeze in a Kwanzaa gift or wait until Chinese New Year. It's never too early to start teaching your kids life lessons. Get them this gift that will help your little buckeroo learn how to act before every life event.

Soon to follow: An entire team dancing on a logo and the Late Hit/Personal Foul line.

Aggies Fan Digs For Gold

One should always be aware that when they are out in public or, say, at a football game that cameras might just be watching you. Maybe that is us being paranoid, but it would have served this gentleman well to not be caught on national television digging for gold...then eating it. Ew...

Chinese Players Will Advance To World Cup Or Die

In a page taken from the Uday Hussein handbook of how to motivate athletes, the Chinese National soccer team has made an oath to qualify for the World Cup or die. The players said to their country on Tuesday:

"I pledge to advance to the World Cup, which is the professional goal that we strive for. We swear by death to kill along the bloody road of defending the honour of the motherland and realise our youthful dreams."

As added incentive, the China Football Association will pay the team eight million yuan (1.09 million dollars) if they qualified for the World Cup.

If China actually does qualify, thus saving the lives of its team members, it would be only the second time they have advanced to the World Cup, the first being in 2002 where they failed to get a point or even score a goal in their first round exit.

I wonder what FIFA has to say about this? Is this the standard for all other teams to follow, mass suicide or murder of entire teams that fail to meet their goals? The Deuce, for one, is intrigued by their passion and will be rooting for Australia, Iraq, or Qatar to knock the shit out of them in the qualifying rounds to see if they will actually follow through with their pledge. Yes, we're sick, we know, but damn do we love drama.

From Yahoo Sports
Painting is famous

Anorexic Child Wears Favre Jersey For Over 1460 Days

David Witthoft here is 11 years old and he's been wearing the same Brett Favre jersey every day since he got it for Christmas when he was 7 years old. That is an interesting human interest story there in and of itself, but the Deuce really wants to know how this child still fits in this jersey? In looking at the picture of young David, its clearly because he has zero body fat whatsoever and possibly because he stopped growing at age 7. Look at this kid, he's got to be rivaling the Olsen Twins in amount of bones protruding out of his body. Those aren't shoulder pads you see, they are shoulder blades. Someone give this poor kid a freakin hamburger, with cheese...and bacon. Mmmmm bacon.

Image & Story From Fox News

Happy New Year, Now Back To Work

Yes 2008 is here and everyone can now resume their normal lives after a nice holiday break, at least it was a nice holiday break for the Deuce. Since we were last here, several bowls have been played, we're gonna give you some of the most interesting images that we've found from them all.

(AP Photo/John Amis)

(AP Photo/Terry Renna)
Vince Hall Injures Knee At Beach Outing

(AP Photo/Paul Connors)

(AP Photo/Bill Waugh)

(AP Photo/David J. Phillip)

(AP Photo/Donna McWilliam)

(AP Photo/Charles Smith)

(Photo by Brian Bahr/Getty Images)

(AP Photo/Danny Moloshok)

(Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Images)

Sashay Shante, Rooney

Wayne Rooney doesn't takes 'em 8 to 80 dumb, crippled and crazy like Big Daddy Kane. He takes them dumb and 80 except when it comes to 'is Colleen. We know how he loves him some dusty granny action on the DL. Now he's going have to work it and do his thing down the wedding aisle if his cousin has anything to say about it. Good thing he has an open mind.

Rooney is marrying his WAG Colleen in June 2008 and his tranny cousin Stephen wants to be a bridesmaid. In fact, he's already hitting the shops in hope/anticipation of Colleen asking him to be a part of the wedding.

Friends are worried that the wedding would turn into a spectacle due to Stephen's antics. However, they shouldn't be so quick to judge. One friend said, ""Wayne didn't rule Stephen out so we reckon he's still in with a chance as a bridesmaid ... and he'd do as good a job as posh friends like Victoria Beckham any day."

Stephen also works at Kentucky Fried Chicken so he could stock the reception at cost or even less if he saves up his shift meals and keeps them frozen until June. He's the gift that keeps on giving.

If this picture is anything to go by, he'll definitely do a better job than Rio Ferdinand.

Colleen had some "thoughts" on her impending nuptials.

"What I do know is that wherever we marry I'd like a Catholic ceremony and want to be married by a priest. I'm really looking forward to becoming Mrs Wayne Rooney!"

Yeah, Pope Benedict will be down with a drunken Scouser tranny in the wedding party. The Catholic Church's stance against Scousers hasn't changed since Liverpool's founding in 1207.

Rugby Players Are Affectionate Towards Each Other

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...this one is worth at least two. So gay...

I'm In Control Here

"He's kind of in the same position Bush is in. No matter what he does, if it's good, no one's going to give him a break. Everything he does or the team does that doesn't look good, he's going to get blamed for. Isiah's heart is in the right spot. He's trying to do the things to manufacture a good team. Things aren't clicking. It's easier to fire a coach than 15 players."

-- Phil Jackson on Isiah Thomas

Four words. Stephon Marbury Eddy Curry.

The Constitutional Vol. "Back From Break"

Aaaaaaaand we are back. I hope all had a nice winter holiday, I know did. We missed a ton over the last couple weeks (like the Najeh Davenport playing thing) that we were sporadically posting, but we'll come on strong heading into and through the new year. Its good to be back...Welcome to the Constitutional.

• We were interviewed by this new blog recently, it was posted while we were on break, but here it is. Sports Tech Blog
  


• We also participated in Jamie Mottram's top 40 sports figures of 2007 list, see what some of the top names in blogging had to say about who were the most blogable sports peoples this year. Yahoo Sports
  


• WCK never ceases to amaze me with his coverage of the Olympics. This Olympics advertisement is one of the most glorious abortions on film i've ever seen. 100% Injury Rate
  


• Found: Footage of Jordan vs Len Bias in college. Disappointing these two never got to spar in the NBA. Hoopsvibe
  


• What Derrick Coleman is up to nowadays. Can't Stop The Bleeding
  


• This guy has no business being on the sidelines of a college football bowl game. Awful Announcing
  


• Liston brings you...the Douchemaster 2000! Introducing Liston
  


• Steve Nash is walking behind Jessica Alba...and so would we. The Big Lead
  


• Darren McFadden just ended his college career in style. Cadillac style. (the new look)Sports by Brooks
  


• Carl (of Aqua Teen Hunger Force) makes his Bowl picks. You have to watch. With Leather
  


• Why the D-Rays suck, Lamaritis. DRaysBay
  


• Len Kasper and Bob Brenly cannot rock. Home Run Derby
  


• One of the best "O" faces on a baseball card ever. Wax Heaven
  


• Do Steroids Really Work? Seems silly, but it is a good question to ask. The Slav
  

Tap The Bottle And Eat The Cap

Leave it to the Australians to take a celebration to the next level. Screw pouring beer on heads. Try eating the bottle caps as well.

An amateur Aussie Rules football player was rushed to the hospital after swallowing a bottle cap during celebrations for a grand final win. He chugged a beer and swallowed the cap that was at the bottom.

He was rushed to the hospital where surgeons were able to remove the cap using an endoscope. His blood alcohol level was almost .11.

"This is the first one of these I've seen (personally), but we see stupid stuff all the time - it always involves young blokes, beer, girls and sport,'' [Royal Adelaide Hospital emergency department registrar Dr. Robert Douglas] said.

You think it would end there but it don't. As Mickey Rivers would say, "You think it don't be like it is but it do".

Dr. Douglas wrote an article in the British Medical Journal which uses this incident to illustrate that champagne and wine are safer than beer when celebrating or making it rain.

Excessive alcohol consumption as a celebratory consequence of high profile sporting victories is well known. Oesophageal obstruction from a bottle cap, however, is rarely seen in emergency departments.^{1 2} In suspected cases, airways obstruction and injury should be rapidly excluded. A comprehensive Medline search failed to elicit an example of oesophageal obstruction secondary to the ingestion of a champagne (or wine) cork. Since the 18th century, champagne has been the beverage of choice for celebrations³ and on current evidence should remain so.

If anything, this incident should be looked at as a challenge to the next Aussie Rules champions. Let's see you down a bottle cap, mate.

Since we referenced it and you know you want it...

Happy Boxing Day

We at the Deuce hope yours is better than this clown's.


KO With The 1st Punch! - For more funny videos, click here

Thats Right...He's Starting

Figures Najeh Davenport starts when we're on X-mas break. Oh the jokes that could have been told...

Christmas Break

Yea, ok, I know our posting has come to a screeching halt this week so I'm just going say we're taking some time off Christmas Break. I'm working too much right now to make my yearly billable hours quota, Mustafa is in the same boat and has lost his home internet connection, so with the holidays coming up and no one really working & reading the blogosphere as much, we're just gonna take a break.

Its possible we could post, i'm not ruling that out, in fact it is probable, just don't expect our normal output until the new year. Happy Holidays peoples.

Houston Rockets Holiday Special

The Houston Rockets got together last year to try to wish everyone a merry Christmas with their own rendition of the song "12 days of Christmas"...hilarity ensued. My only wish is that Dikembe just should have been used more.

Video of Joe Namath Graduating

Everyone knows that Joe Namath finally completed college yesterday when he walked at Alabama's graduation ceremony. Well, if ya missed it on tv last night. Here it is. Broadway Joe gets quite an ovation. Yes, it is a slow news week for the Deuce. Leave us alone, its holiday time and we're mad busy. I like the end of the video where he's taking pictures, we know he's not drunk b/c he's not hitting on the fattie next to him.

Raw video: Joe Namath graduates college

Brilliant Crime Spree Foiled

Sometimes when news is slow, we have to post things that are tangentially related to sports...such as this. In New York City, Filroy Warner, professional con man, spent the last year getting free therapeutic sports massages while claiming he was an athlete who had a "groin injury". He got the massages for free because he paid for them with fake credit cards, he didn't stop there. He also grabed as much cash, jewelry and belongings as he can, and once even sexually assaulted one of his masseuses. Filroy had this brilliant scheme going for a year, but as most criminals are apt to do, he got greedy and on his 7th attempt at the EXACT SAME CRIME, in the EXACT SAME CITY, he was busted in an NYPD sting.

Now, no one ever said sexual assault is funny (unless you count the guys at MBSR), but that is one hell of a brilliant way to commit a robbery, Filroy just dipped his pen in the well too many times. The only way a genius idea like this could even be created is if he were high as shit too. It had to be like, "Yo, yo, yo man, i got this idea, son. See these fake ass credit cards here, son? What if i said i was Jordan, aight, and I needed my dong rubbed down because i pulled it yo', and I used these muthafuckin cards to get that junk for free yo'? Dawg I bet I could steal all dat cash in dat piece too!"

Oh to be a fly on that wall...and how great a name is Filroy for Christ's sake?

From: NY Post

Ravens Fan Left Out In The Cold

Ronnie Stack, aka "The Goof on the Roof", will not leave the roof of the Canton Station bar until the Ravens win another game. Baltimore is on an 8 game losing streak, with their most current loss to the previously winless Miami Dolphins bringing shame to all the Baltimore faithful.

The goof is up there all day and night, except for 1 hour a day where he attends to "personal" things. Luckily, the goof isn't totally stupid and he will not be on the roof all winter if the Ravens do not win their last 2 games. He says he'll come down in the offseason and be back up there next season until the Ravens win again. Go'wan hun! Don't wanna miss yawr jumboooos!

This is another in a long line of protests for Baltimore sports as the Sun points out:

His rooftop Hail Mary was inspired by a bartender who in 1991 climbed atop the roof of a Dundalk club to protest bickering between Orioles owner Eli Jacobs and then Gov. William Donald Schaefer over the name of the baseball stadium. The man stayed up there for 23 days. And though it didn't involve a roof, in 1988 disc jockey Bob Rivers broadcast for 11 days straight to coax the Orioles from a demoralizing record losing streak.

Our own Mustafa Redonkulous was on a roof yesterday as well, only he was going to throw himself off instead of staying up there. Fortunately for him, he choked as bad as the Ravens did, brokedown like the Ravens secondary and cried as we, his friends, carried him whimpering away. A sad sight indeed.

Photo shamlessly ripped from The Baltimore Sun

Fantasy Sports Have Gone Too Far

The largest payout in fantasy sports history has just been offered and it is not for the sport you think. As you can probably guess from the bosomy lady above, this payout isn't for fantasy football...it is for Fantasy Fishing. FLW Fantasy Fishing is paying out over $1.7 million in cash and prizes (boats, cars, trucks, ATVs, personal watercrafts, gift cards and more) during the Wal-Mart FLW Tour which includes a guaranteed $1 million cash grand prize to the winning fantasy fishing team.

So for your chance at the millions, you have to create and rank your own pro angler team of 10 anglers you think will place the highest in the each of the 7 FLW Tour events. The lucky fella who earns the most cumulative points over the seven events wins a cool 1 million bucks.

“Fantasy sports history will be made,” said Irwin Jacobs, chairman of FLW Outdoors. “Anyone could win and become the first-ever fantasy sports millionaire just by playing FLW Fantasy Fishing."

“With the popularity and profile of professional angling on the rise and with the first-ever, recently awarded $1 million first-place payout at the 2007 Forrest Wood Cup, we knew it was time to give the public an opportunity to win as well,”

Yes, fantasy sports have gone too far. The shocking thing is not that you now can become a millionaire from a fantasy sport, its that you can actually have a freakin' fantasy fishing team. I thought fantasy poker, golf and Nascar were bad, but this is possibly the dumbest thing I've heard of.

And yet...I am going to have to play in it just for a shot at that damn million dollars. Curse my love of the ever weakening dollar! What is next for fantasy sports? Is there fantasy spelling bee yet? Fantasy Competative Eating?

From FLWOutdoors
Fantasy Fishing site is here
Fishing babe from here

The Greatest Movie Ever Made

Ok, so this isn't really sports related, but I just saw this movie trailer for what has to be the single greatest (worst?) film EVER MADE. You cannot go wrong with a film that has a hot young Asian schoolgirl, who has a machine gun for an arm, with ninjas and the yakuza, sex, revenge, incredibly graphic violence with chainsaws, a flying guillotine, a drill bra and oh...did I mention SHE HAS A MACHINE GUN FOR A FUCKING ARM! Well you can go wrong, but it would be difficult. Alright, enough mindless filler hype...give this a view if you've never seen this and you are a B Movie/Kung Fu fan. Probably want to put the headphones on if you're at work.

Rasheed Wallace: The Lost Wu-Tang Member

Rasheed Wallace, like a few NBA players, enjoys rapping. He got caught on film entering the arena by ESPN rapping recently, but did you know that that isn't his first rap caught on tape? Watch below, we've got the ESPN video, then some other YouTube video that claims to be Rasheed's rapping on an album. Every motherfuckin' baller wants to be a rapper and every motherfuckin' rapper wants to be a baller. Its the same old story, G.

Twas The Night Before The Mitchell Report

'Twas the night before the Mitchell Report, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The needles were trashed by the attendants with care,
In knowing that St. Mitchell soon would be there;

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of suspensions danced in their heads;

And Selig in his cheap suit and Fehr in his pleats,
Had just settled down from a long winter's meets,

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
Selig sprang from his office to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the mini-blinds and threw up in the trash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to his wondering eyes should meet,
But a bald headed man, and eight tiny athletes,

With a little old body, but so lively and fickle,
He knew in a moment it must be St. Mitchell.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Bonds! now, Gullien! now, Sosa and Clemens!
On, Tejada! on Giambi! on, Ankiel and Leyritz!

To the top of the ballpark! to Capitol Hill on the Mall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry heaves follow Selig's regurgitated pie,
When they meet with the press, and pray to the sky,

So up to the press-room the coursers they flew,
With a town car full of needles, indictments, Mitchell too.

And then, in a twinkling, Selig heard on the tube
The hemming and hawing of each ball playing dude.

As he drew in his hand, and was turning around,
Down the hall St. Mitchell came with a bound.

He was dressed all in black, in his hand was a book,
And the book told the tales of many a crook;

A bundle of pages he said told the truth,
Of a number of players whom he was sent to sleuth.

His eyes -- black like a hole! his glasses how boring!
His jowls like chicken theighs, his nose caused him snoring!

His sour little mouth was drawn down like a loon,
And the skin of his chin was as wrinkled as a prune;

The specter of a steroids he held tight in his grip,
And the terror it gave caused a many tear drip ;

He had a tiny face and a little bic pen,
That pointed when he spoke again and again.

He was lean and thin, a right miserable old elf,
And Selig cowered when he saw him, in spite of himself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave Selig to know he had everything to dread;

He spoke many a word, and told of his works,
And filled all the public, with stories of jerks;

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, out the press room he rose;

He sprang to his Lincoln Town Car, to the players gave a bow,
And to their agents they all ran with many a furrowed brow.

But Selig heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Mitchell Report to all, and to all a good-night."

Inspiration for this story was this post by the 800lb Gorilla. Their title made me do this.

UPDATE: The gals at Babes Love Baseball have their own take they put up after the report came out. Its quite good, I'd recommend reading it.

FUK U DOME!!!

Sorry. I just wanted to get that out of the way before everyone piles on.

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Roof Rollerblading

This is why you should NOT rollerblade off your roof. This is one of the worst face plants i've seen or heard. Just watch the recoil from his face hitting the ground. Yikes, not for the faint of heart. Enjoy your random video of horrific violence Thursday.

Wayne Rooney's Cougar

It's been a while since we've had a soccer roundup. Sorry for leaving you hanging like that. Didn't expect you to be waiting here after all this time. Let's do this.

Dominus Ominus. Run That Donerkabob!


First the Kurds and now the crosses. It seems like everyone's against Turkey these days. Good thing people like the military and Fenerbahce are there to stand up for all the little Ataturkamanics out there.

A Turkish lawyer is demanding that UEFA rescind the three points Inter Milan took from Fenerbahce during the Champions League group stage because...Inter were wearing jerseys displaying a large red cross.

The shirt's scheme saw a big red cross on a white background, a symbol of the city of Milan, and reminded many of an emblem of the order of the Templars, which is considered offensive in Islamic culture.

Inter consciously did not wear their 'centenary shirt' in their first match against Fenerbahce in Istanbul, but at home, they did not think it was necessary to do the same.

Basis Kaska, a European law expert, filed the official protest after the Turkish media and viewers raised a ruckus.

Inter has worn the centenary jersey on several occasions. They decided not to wear the shirt in Istanbul because it would be insulting but thought it wouldn't be in Milan? Interesting. Mi scusi!


Sometimes The Jokes Write Themselves

Steven Gerrard. Liverpool. Dirty thieving Scousers. Home burglary.

Football365 put it best. Stereotypes makes things easy.

Come on down, $tevie Me! You're the next Liverpool player to get jacked! Steven Gerrard is the sixth Liverpool player to be robbed while away on international or Champions League duty.

Gerrard's WAG, Alex Curran was in the house along with another woman when they were confronted by burglars in hoods. The robbers made off with jewlery.

At this point, Ladbrokes should be taking wagers on the next Liverpool player to be jacked. It might be a little harder for thieves since England's staying home during the international breaks. If the thieves are Liverpool fans (if...hah!), they'd rob the worst performing players to make them step their game up.


Where In The World Is Ray Lewis


There's no way Ray Lewis could have taken Sunday night's blowout loss to the Colts well. I know I was in a stabby mood by halftime. I mean how is it possible to score that many points in one quarter?? I digress.

If Ray Ray's like me except with means, he would have gone to Rome to blow off some stea.....Wait it looks like he did. How do I know?

Five Manchester United fans were taken to hospital tonight and two Britons arrested following trouble ahead of the Champions League tie with Roma at the Stadio Olimpico. Manchester-based police initially confirmed they had received reports of three supporters being stabbed but the number requiring medical assistance rose even though there was nowhere near the same scale of violence that scarred the last meeting between the two teams in April. The precise extent of the injuries sustained in the trouble has not been verified.

That's how I know.

United ended up drawing 1-1 with Roma. They're through to the knockout stages while Rangers shamed Scotland by losing 3-0 to Lyon in a must-win match.


And Who Would That Be, Tommy? Ze Austrians?


Not if the Austrians have anything to do with it.

You'd think Austria would be all excited and shit about hosting Euro 2008 especially since the English and their cultured, respectful fans won't be in attendance. However this isn't the case.

They do want to co-host the tournament with Switzerland. They'd just prefer it if their national team didn't participate. As a matter of fact, they'd like the people to make sure it doesn't happen by signing a petiton which states the following:

Dear football fans!

Your entering this site is no coincidence.
It means you care about attractive football.
It means you appreciate a blind pass that actually reaches its destination.
It means you thoroughly enjoy amazing dribbling skills.
It means you jump for joy when a free kick is expertly bent into the far corner of the goal.
In short: it means you love this great sport for the sheer beauty of it.

However, it also means you fall into a dismal state of depression when watchimg a match featuring the Austrian national football team.
For all those displays of true skill, on a field taken by our team, occur about as frequently as meteorite impacts.
This cannot be blamed on anyone.

Even though we have spent twenty years buying ageing stars, even though wealthy patrons supply one of our clubs with several times their usual budgets only to be rewarded with a fraction of their success of lore, even though twenty-six-year-olds who barely stumble through their second match playing for foreign second-league clubs are discovered as incredibly promising new talents and immediately ordered into the national team – nothing so far has helped.

It cannot be denied: the performance of the Austrian team is an insult to your sense of aesthetics as well as to what you expect from this sport. Their participating in the EURO 2008 is to you a contradiction in itself. We understand.

By signing this Petitionyou urge the Austrian Football Association (Österreichischer Fußballbund; OEFB) to voluntarily resign from participating in the EURO 2008.
Austria was once a country with a keen sense for aesthetics. „...a people gifted for beauty“, as a verse of our national anthem states – an anthem our players barely manage to stammer along to, as they palefacedly contemplate yet another grueling encounter with the ball and the opponent.

We want to show the world that we still embrace beauty. And at the same time, we want to do something that is as alien to our people as the names of our strikers are to foreign football experts: To show some dignity!

It's hard to argue with that.

Thanks to RH for the tip.


Sex Shrek

Memories...

60% of the time, it works every time? Please, we're talking 80% here.

Step aside, Sex Panther. Wayne Rooney has a new scent that's going to be illegal in 13.5 countries. It's called Sex Shrek. It's too much for just cologne. It's going to be the signature scent in a new line of toiletries being launched by Rooney. The line will also include a shower gel and deodorant.

It's expected the line will be a success. A focus group of 300 over-50 hookers was used and 80% can't be wrong.

Petrino Joins Exclusive Club

By now you've all read that Bobby Petrino has quit 13 games into his first season as an NFL coach to go become the head coach at Arkansas. This got me wondering, what other NFL coaches had quit in the middle of his first season as an NFL head coach...that list was small.

Since the AFL/NFL merger, only one coach quit in the middle of a season, Lou Holtz. Coincidentally, Lou went to go coach Arkansas after quitting just 13 games into his first season as a NFL head coach (for the Jets). Lou fared pretty well with the razorbacks, going 60-21-2 with 6 bowl games. After getting fired and going to Minnesota, then moving on to Notre Dame, well, people forgot that he was a quitter in the NFL.

So the question is, will that happen with Petrino?

Well, Petrino was a pretty good head coach at Louisville, but he has only been a head coach for 4 years at the collegiate level and about two thirds of a pro season. Holtz, on the other hand, coached 7 years in college at two schools before his job in the NFL, where he quit with just one game left. Edge goes to Holtz on this one, he was a pretty established coach already. Petrino just had one recruiting cycle to prove himself and he didn't do anything in the pros to show he could coach on much more balanced playing field.

Coaching skills aside, the real reason Petrino will never be seen as anything more than a quitter is that he is really lacking is some personality. Holtz had (and still has) that in spades. Some people describe Petrino's personality as "that of a doorknob"...that doesn't bode well in the rewriting of his history. The media and fans will eat him faster than his former players did. Who wants to consider Petrino's side of the story when no one can stand the guy? He might always be "a quitter".

Bobby Petrino has pretty much shot himself in the foot. He will be adored only by Arkansas fans, but only if he wins. If he loses he will be castigated there like he currently is throughout the nation and it might very well end his career as a head coach. Nick Saban hasn't recovered from his quitting the Dolphins one year removed from doing so and it will be awhile before people forget that. This looks to be way worse. If he doesn't win in Arkansas, he is probably done.

(note, if my 5 seconds of research on this issue is wrong, do let me know!)

Watch The New Blog Show

We made it again, much thanks to Jamie and Dan for giving us the hookup for the Staubach video. Watch the whole thing and enjoy!

More videos from the "Burly Sports Show" channel at Burlysports.com

Old And Busted: Soulja Boy

New Hotness: Jonathan Ogden

Ravens tackle Jonathan Ogden has come a long way from his initial Gebco efforts. He's learned one or two more steps and dropped the acting. Too bad he didn't have a chance to use those dancing skils last night. Witness the brilliance that is Jonathan Ogden. Jazz hands!!

Have Yourself An NFL Christmas

For the devoted NFL fan, the holidays present a difficult time where you are supposed to take down all the beautiful fatheads, posters of the players you idolize, the starting lineup action figures, the jerseys, etc...and put up holiday decorations dedicated to some fat guy in a red suit who is the coach of a team of elves. Its difficult. Well, we at the Deuce have you covered. We're going to show you how to decorate your house for Christmas...NFL style.

No one ever said the NFL did not do everything in its power to make a buck...and we're here to show you that Christmas isn't really about baby Jesus or crass commercialism, its just another way to show your NFL fandom.

First off, you need a stocking on the fireplace, hung with care of course. Luckily, the NFL has branded some for you!
Look at that, they have even stuck that fat red guy on the stocking, like he is a part of your favorite team. That's just fantastic. If you want a more traditional look for your stocking, you can get it in team colors with no fat red guy on top, like this:

Ok, now that we have stockings covered, we must move to the tree. You've got this big dead tree sitting in your residence that is covered by lights and nick knacks that mean nothing to you whatsoever. The only thing that means anything to you is your NFL team, right? Well you are in luck...the NFL has branded some for you!

Wow, nothing says Christmas more than having an NFL team helmet, logo, fat guy in an NFL branded outfit, or nutcrackers with NFL branded hats adorning a tree. But this tree would be dark if it did not have lights on it. Wouldn't you know it? The NFL has branded some for you!
Oh, and if you have a tree in your house, well you must put a skirt around it to collect those falling needles. Guess what, the NFL has branded some for you!

Excellent! Isn't that attractive? So you've got the tree covered. What are you supposed to wear to get into that holiday spirit? Surely the NFL has something for us here? Well if you want your own hat just like the fat guy, the NFL has branded some for you!

But what about the rest of the house? Mama says, nothing says holidays like cracking some nuts...and no one knows more about cracking nuts than the NFL. So it only makes sense that for the holiday season there would be a nutcracker with some NFL logos on them...and we're in luck. THE NFL HAS BRANDED SOME FOR YOU!

That is the single most intense looking nutcracker ever. He must be feeling the NFL Christmas spirit more than anyone. Lets say you want something a little more modern though. Well, you are totally in luck. Say you want a snowman, but you cannot have just a normal snowman, you need an NFL snow man. BINGO! The NFL has branded some for you!

Now that the inside of your house is covered in wonderful NFL branded Christmas trinkets, you have to add a finishing touch on the door in the form of a wreath. LUCKILY...the NFL has branded some for you!
Don't those look delightful. Everyone will feel the love with those wreaths. Nothing like a screaming bear or a sour face pirate to welcome in the holidays. However, if a wreath isn't enough for the outside of your house, you might want to think about some sort of lawn ornament. If only the NFL had something for us...oh wait...the NFL has branded some for us!
Don't those just say Merry Christmas? Whew...its good to know that the NFL has Christmas decorating covered.

Ooh la la SASSON!!

You may have seen these already, but I found them too funny not to post here on the Deuce. These are a couple of videos of some New York Rangers in the 80s finding themselves selling Sasson jeans. The limits some people go to make a dollar amaze me...oh right, I know we're not much better with this craptacular blog but hey, at lease we don't dance...at least we haven't been offered enough money to dance yet. Ohh la la...Sasson! Who are those guys?