Cristiano Ronaldo is missing his calling. He’s wasting his diving talents in La Liga. He needs to be in Italy where diving is considered an art form. Take Bostjan Cesar for example.

The Chievo defender tackled Inter’s Samuelo Eto’o from behind during yesterday’s match. A free kick was given but that wasn’t enough for Eto’o. Check out his reaction after play resumed.

Cesar made the most of the headbutt as it didn’t look nearly as hard as Zidane’s. However Eto’o can bet on a three-game suspension at the least for his actions.

Four minutes into injury time and Napoli’s Ezequiel Lavezzi has one more chance to steal a win against Cagliari. Listen to the announcer’s buildup and goal call. It may not be “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!” but it’s strong. Don’t forget to wait for Lavezzi’s celebration fail.

Liverpool fans probably wish the advertising boards cut Lavezzi in half. I’ll take the aborted somersault.

If you guessed still being a douchebag, winner winner chicken dinner.

The Fiorentina striker is about to come off his 101st suspension for drug use and he’s already in trouble again. This time, he beat up a waiter who refused to take his Player’s Club card.

The disgraced Romanian international who is currently serving a suspension from the game for doping, attacked a waiter in a local bar over a dispute about the bill. Witnesses have been explaining that Mutu refused to pay the bill for his drinks as he claimed to have had an account with the establishment.

The waiter, a 28-year-old Yugoslavian man refused to accept the player’s explanation which resulted in the Viola hit man punching the man in the face breaking his nose. The victim was taken to the nearby hospital at Santa Maria Nuova.

“Don’t you know who I am?”

“Eh no … Oh Adrian! Mi scusi! I didn’t recognize you at first. You’re not assuming your regular position of doing lines off a porn star’s ass in a Roman hotel room window!”

In Mutu’s defense, his latest ban was for sibutramine, an appetite suppressant. Unfortunately it doesn’t suppress asshole. That appears to be genetic.

No charges have been brought yet but it’s probably safe to assume that someone will be bought off. This is Italian soccer after all.

Since we brought it up: