Laziness: the New Corporate Marketing Tool

Ned Flanders doesn’t believe in homeowner’s insurance because he sees it as a form of gambling: an activity strictly verboten in the Bible.  For the rest of us, insurance is another way to mercilessly gouge you protect your investments on such things as a home, car, and Troy Polamalu’s hair.  Basically, all of the bad decisions you make in your life (sorry, new home buyers circa 2006!).  Well, now the stupid companies that tie their investments to the athletes that will surely fail them have a way out, too!  Read the rest of this entry

The App Store Just Made Me Make A Scheyerface

Maryland always brings the Schayerface

My brackets look worse than Tara Reid’s stomach. I picked Northern Iowa to beat Kansas in one pool but I picked Villanova to win it all. My other one looks like Detroit after Devil’s Night. What’s that? Good point. It’s the same every other night.

It’s great to see so many upsets this year despite what they mean to my chances of winning anything. The downside is that Duke has an easy path to the Final Four. There’s no point in expressing the level of my dislike for Duke basketball because I know there are thousands out there who share the same feeling. However I came across a Duke-related press release today that brought a smirk to my face. Coach K is getting in the app business.

DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA, MARCH 23, 2010- An iPhone App featuring legendary basketball Coach Mike Krzyzewski was launched today in the App Store and The Coach K App utilizes innovative multi-touch controls that immerse the player into an exciting series of races against multiple artificial intelligence opponents. The game includes three levels of competition with stops in New York City, China and Durham, North Carolina, home to Coach K’s Duke Blue Devils.

Coach K provides personalized “coaching tips” to maneuver players through a series of dynamic obstacles which come to life through trend-setting graphics. Players also have the ability to customize their avatars. Players will be challenged to dodge taxicabs and street vendors, while racing through the streets of New York; avoid dragons and panda bears while speeding along the Great Wall of China; and sprint around campus while avoiding the notorious Cameron Crazies and other obstacles. The game climaxes in an intense head-to-head shooting competition against another player over Bluetooth.

The app costs $2.99 although the first level can be downloaded for free. There is a catch. Everyone won’t have access to the game. In order to maintain a level of reality, access will only be allowed to goofy white guys and black people from Alaska. Bam! I’ll be here all week.