Marky Mark Might Fight The Fresh Prince For Charity

The chances of this happening are probably zero to -10 but the possibility opens up a world of ideas.

Damon Feldman, CEO of the Hollywood Boxing Federation, wants Mark Wahlberg to fight Will Smith for charity. He’s willing to offer them $1 million to do it in Vegas.

Feldman’s work is cut out for him considering who has fought in his Super Bowl of Hollywood Boxing in the past. The list of previous contestants reads like a list of Fox Reality Channel rejects. Jose Canseco, Michael Lohan and Danny Bonaduce are among the clowns who have shown no shame. Horshack and Screech have participated in celebrity boxing as well. They fought for a coffee can of hobo chili (coffee grounds and shoe laces) and a mayo sandwich that had been sitting in the summer sun for three weeks.

This idea is going nowhere but think if other celebrities could be convinced to fight each other. Why stop with boxing? How about a Thunderdome battle? Imagine Guy Fieri taking on Diddy or Paris Hilton against Kim Kardashian. Two men enter, one man leave. The whole world wins no matter what the result and best of all, it’s for charity. Won’t someone please think about the children?

Luther Campbell, better known as Uncle Luke, may have slowed down since his 2 Live Crew days but he still runs Miami. He still knows where and how to roll. He was a major booster of the University of Miami football program at its height. Their players had more pull than any other athletes in south Florida. Dolphins players had to beg Hurricanes to get them into clubs otherwise they had to wait on line with the common folk.

Campbell now wants to impart some wisdom to LeBron James and Chris Bosh as they move to Miami. He wrote up a list of rules which should go up on their fridges. If they’re smart, they’ll listen to him and stay out of trouble. Here are a few examples:

Do not drive your own car when you go to South Beach. Just because you got keys to the city doesn’t mean the police are not waiting for you to get drunk and behind the wheel to lock your ass up. Part of Miami Beach’s publicity campaign is to put superstar athletes and celebrities in jail. And get yourself a white driver if you go through Overtown unless you want the police to shoot you for DWB (driving while black).

Do not buy a house in Dwyane Wade’s neighborhood because thieves will jack your car’s rims. And avoid Star Island at all costs. Some wild, rich sex orgies be going up in there. You don’t want to get caught up in a scandal. Shaq bought a house on Star Island, and he ended up in a messy divorce. Find a nice place in Broward, like Southwest Ranches, where Udonis Haslem lives.

Do not go to the strip club without me. I’ll be able to tell you which girls are the true exotic dancers and which ones are the skanky hoes. I took D-Wade to the strip club when he first got here. I schooled him so he never got jammed up with any strippers. And when going to venues like LIV and the 400 Club, be on the lookout for gold diggers masquerading as models. Those places are a gold diggers playground.

This is knowledge for life. No way LeBron and Bosh would get this information from Will Smith. He’d just try to convert them to Scientology or give them some useless dating advice from Hitch.

Some of you might not know how Luke got down at his height. Watch out for gold diggers and enjoy. NSFW language.