Of course he can’t. He doesn’t even know when or where he’ll partake in his next floor pie. One team is doing everything it can to help him decide which side to support. Who wouldn’t want to join illustrious company like the Gallagher Brothers, Dirk Benedict or Timothy Dalton as Manchester City fans?

The reigning Premier League champions had Hasselhoff as their guest for their 3-0 victory against Stoke. How did City and their Qatari overlords welcome the Hoff? They gave him a jersey with his name spelled wrong on the back.

The former Michael Knight was too big of a man to make a stink about it while he greeted the team who appeared thrilled to meet the man behind Knight Rider and Baywatch Nights. He gave out love and autographs to Kolarov, Aguero and other City players as he got a behind the scenes tour of Eithad Stadium.

The former Baywatch star and Britain’s Got Talent judge said: “There is nothing better than to go and watch City win on your day off.

“I’m into the spirit. I know how the city is separated between City and United.

“I’m torn between the two clubs. I want to wish everyone a ‘Hoffy’ New Year.”

Hasselhoff is what happens when a Kardashian daughter combines with Snooki and The Situation to form a man like the Constructicons. A Devastator of stupidity.

Quand David Hasselhoff rencontre les joueurs de… by evidenceprod

Adam Richman got a similar tour from Spurs during his visit to White Hart Lane but there was no player interaction. Guess they were worried about what might happen to the food.

H/T to 101 Great Goals for the jersey picture.

That must be the reason why Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli is such an immature asshole. It wouldn’t be surprising if the guy giving him the V-sign is a City supporter let alone a Manchester United fan. Even his own teammates and manager have had it with his antics. He can’t even have a minor parking incident without the hoi polloi letting him have it. Not surprising he can’t park a car. He can’t even put a bib on without incident.

From a Deuce reader:

Man City to make GBP50m bid for Newcastle United supporters

Premier League billionaires Manchester City have today launched an
audacious bid for the entire fan base of recently relegated Newcastle
United. The unexpected move has come as part of City’s plans to be
the best supported club in the world, and the so-called ‘Best
Supporters In The World’ have provided a logical starting point. The
move will see each of Newcastle United’s 50,000 ‘regulars’ offered
GBP1,000 to change their allegiances to Manchester City.

Our competitive advantage is our financial position, and we will buy
anything and everything we feel will help us improve this football
club. Said City boss Mark Hughes. Securing the Newcastle United fans
offers us a great opportunity to improve our position as the best
supported club in the league They have just the sort of experience
we’re looking for, in that they’ve enjoyed fleeting periods of great
expectation followed almost immediately by abject failure, which will
be useful to us in the next two years.

Unlimited funds

Hughes continued, We’ll happily pay top dollar for supporters who
will blindly follow their team and defend them as the greatest in the
world in the face of over-whelming evidence to the contrary. And in
that respect, the Geordies really are second to none. The Newcastle
fans, who will not be subjected to a medical, are expected to have a
‘fully clothed at all times’ clause inserted into their Man City
contracts. A Newcastle spokesperson said that although the move has
come at a bad time for them, the entire fee will be used to rebuild
the supporter base into a slimmer, better looking unit which they
hope will be ‘the envy of the Championship’ .

Noel Gallagher of Oasis has some interesting things to say about his favorite soccer team. Man City’s number one fan** sat down with Football365 and discussed the state of the team. Topics included their newly found riches and the prospects for the upcoming Premier League season. Here are some highlights:

On wishing for the “good old days”:

No. I’m absolutely loving it, and if you ask 99.9% of City fans they would say the same. I’m sick of supporting loveable, affable City – fuck that, we want the best players in the world, playing the best football in the world in the best stadium in the world, owned by the richest people in the world.

On being worried about high player wages:

If the club was a PLC and it was my money being spent on wages then yes, I’d be mighty pissed off. But it’s not my money, it’s not your money, and what right has anyone to tell anyone what to spend their money on? As City fans we’re absolutely fucking loving it.

On Citeh’s prospects for the upcoming season:

I think with no European commitments we can go all out in the Premier League. I don’t think we can challenge for the title but I expect us to finish between fourth and sixth. I think if Mark Hughes can’t pull this off, then he’s only got himself to blame.

Many of Gallagher’s views echo the sentiments of Chelsea supporters (myself included) when Roman Abramovich bought the club and saved it from likely bankruptcy. He makes a point that Chelsea fans have made when challenged on becoming a “big club”.

There’s a funny English attitude where almost overnight, attitudes change. I’ve lived in London for 15 years and every time I got in a black cab they’ve said, “Oh you’re a City fan, we love City,” and now they all think we’re arrogant with ideas above our station. It’s a funny English attitude towards success and money.

People hate it when anyone new comes in and threatens to upset the old order namely being Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. Man City are no different than Chelsea in that sense. Gallagher should also note the drawbacks to wealthy owners who often see their teams as fantasy teams and stop listening to sensible advice. Maybe he’ll come back to earth when he sees that money doesn’t solve everything in football. Money is to football as alcohol is to life. It’s the cause of and solution to all problems.

Gallagher didn’t manage to keep it together for the whole interview. He claims that no player will ever match Stephen “Fucking Brilliant” Ireland. Keep in mind this is the same Stephen Ireland who bailed on Ireland by falsely claiming that his grandmother died. Let’s not even talk about Man City and Real Madrid being the two most exciting teams in the world. The thought of putting Barry, Tevez, Adebayor and Santa Cruz up against Real’s new signings or Barcelona among others is absurd.

**We have to think Ricky Hatton’s been demoted behind Noel and Liam Gallagher after getting whupped by the Mexicutioner.

You might remember Manchester City and former Ireland international Stephen Ireland from such episodes as lying about both of his grandmothers dying to get out of international duty. You can now add douchebag to liar and quitter.

Ireland has a thing for the pink but it’s not what you think. He loves him some pink trim on his … cars. Check out his old ride which he just traded in for something a little better.

If you’re one of those people who has to know what your favorite or most hated footballer drives, you can find out here. It’s surprising that Cashley Cole doesn’t drive a Gremlin because it reminds him of the movie which was super cool.