The African Cup of Nations is one of the most slept-on soccer tournaments in the world. 2010 saw Togo’s team get shot up in their bus and Nigeria’s president try to ban the Super Eagles from international competition after they flamed out in the group stages. Zambia won the final after 15 penalty shots.

This year’s has been less eventful so far through the opening round besides this flying kick from Jemal Tassew that saw him get a red card while being carried off on a stretcher after faking an injury. Note the ref laughing as he signals for the medics to get Tassew off the field.

The tournament was moved to South Africa from Libya due to somewhat extenuating circumstances. Unfortunately this heralded the return of the vuvuzela. If no one is there to blow a vuvuzela, does Cape Verde still suck? Not as much as Bafana Bafana.

H/T to The Guardian

As a lifelong football fan; I can tell you that to this point, it’s been a mostly one-way love affair. The league will take, and take, and take…but give precious little. Oh sure, we have experienced three exciting, and competitive Super Bowls in a row, and NFL parody has blessed us with at least six new playoff teams each season; each seemingly with their own set of compelling storylines. But, for every good thing the game and its administrators brings, there is at least one negative. Some more serious then others.

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Spare us the endless line of ass-kissing that constitutes ESPN and the NFL Network’s praise for Peyton Manning “selfless” decision to push for a new contract to tie him with the younger, healthier Tom Brady as the highest paid player in the nation.  There’s nothing selfless about it; Manning is a aging QB on the downturn of an incredible run.  He’s made 208 consecutive starts, but he’s also had 2 neck surgeries within 15 months; the Colts won’t even say when they think Manning will participate in preseason.  He got a “lifetime achievement” deal because whether he performs well or not, Manning will pack the stands at Lucas Oil stadium and sell jerseys until the day he hangs it up for good.

Florio is an idiot but he is right about this; $90 million over 5 years is not an act of charity; but it does fit into an acceptable NFL storyline for sports reporters to discuss in little 45-second segments for college kids on weekday afternoons. ISN’T PEYTON TERRIFIC!? WHY HIS BOWEL MOVEMENTS SMELL LIKE SCENTED CANDLES AND SPRING FLOWERS!

Manning is a businessman, part of the reason we have to suffer through a huge DirecTV logo every single time Manning appears on ESPN or NFLN. From the moment Brady got his new deal, Colts owner Jim Irsay crowed about how he intended to make Peyton Manning the highest-paid player in the nation, basically talking himself into giving Manning a record deal; very similar to how Jets Coach Rex Ryan basically talked Darrelle Revis into holding out before the 2010 season.  So, of course, Manning pushed hard for the new deal; he didn’t like being franchised at $23 million; not when he was getting ready to go under the knife.  Again.

Manning is arguably the hardest working player in the NFL; and he’s also basically his own offensive coordinator. The numbers suggest that Manning is going to continue to perform; albeit at a diminishing level, and the Colts have done a pretty good job of putting weapons around Manning to keep the Colts competitive. Still, the Colts need to get younger at RB and (probably) TE. Now we are hearing that Manning’s O-line is short a Charles Johnson; thank goodness the Colts have all that extra fantasy money to use on getting somebody.

Germans like to make a joke about why the Dutch hate them so much. “Every time we invade France, we have to go through them.” Ah a little Nazi humor. One would think the Jets would have a little humility considering that’s how the Patriots did them on Monday Night Football earlier this season. Last time it was 45-3. They beat the Colts last weekend thanks in part to bad decision making on Jim Caldwell’s part and they’re still talking shit.

Antonio Cromartie, who’s best known for being unable to name all his kids in a minute and having the Jets pay his back child support, had some words for Tom Brady.

Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie, taking the baton from Rex Ryan, who criticized Tom Brady’s post-touchdown “antics” earlier this week, ripped into the Patriots quarterback in a profanity-laced rant Tuesday, calling him an “asshole,” and claiming he hates him.

…Cromartie, in his first year with the Jets after four years with the Chargers, backed up Ryan Tuesday when he was asked by the Daily News if he’s ever seen Brady pointing after the Patriots score.

“We see that a lot. He does it a lot,” Cromartie said. “That’s the kind of guy he is. We really don’t give a damn, to tell you the truth.”

Okay, what kind of guy is Brady?

“An asshole.

“Fuck him.”

Well then. Expect a 56-3 win for the Patriots this time.

“You have three Super Bowl rings and a supermodel wife. What are you going do now, Tom Brady?”
“I’m going to endorse Uggs.”
Awkward silence
“But they’re for men.”
More silence
“They’re really comfortable?”
“I think we’re finished here.”

Far be it for anyone from the Deuce to lecture anyone on fashion but we feel safe saying that Uggs are some of the most worthless pieces of footwear known to man along with Crocs and Air Jesus (sorry, Birkenstocks). Now you can put a recognizable face to them as opposed to groups of chickenhead college girls as Tom Brady is endorsing Uggs for men.

That’s right. Now you can look like those girls or one of those emaciated, heroin addicted, STD cocktail infested Hollywood actress with absolutely no fashion sense.

The New England Patriot quarterback will be heading the company’s campaign for shoes, outerwear and accessories, according to an Ugg Australia press release.

“He embodies the stylish casual attitude that is at the foundation of every product we make, and is as much a style icon off the field as he is a playmaker on it,” said Deckers Outdoor Corp. Chairman and CEO Angel Martinez.

Deckers owns Uggs as well as such other outdoorsy brands as Teva and Simple.

How could we forget Tevas? They’re the Go-Bots of sandals. The off-brand Birkenstock. The Rusted Root to the Grateful Dead. Gisele should be proud of her man. He’s looking more like off-brand Justin Bieber every day and now he’s hawking unsafe shoes that one can only assume drops the IQ of any person who puts them on by at least 30 points.