We could sit here and ask ourselves why Cristiano Ronaldo has a naked picture of himself on his wall but there’s no point. It’s exactly what you’d expect someone like him to have in his house and force you to admire during every visit.

The architect who designed the 28-year-old winker’s palace in Madrid said: “Cristiano had all the clichés you can imagine. “Why would he want a grand piano? I think it’s because of the things some people miss out on as children.

“He must have seen it in one of the rich people’s homes in Miami Vice and thought he should have the same.”

“Mr. Torres, I would like the ultimate in douchebaggery. Spare no expense.”

Ronaldo also has ceiling mirrors throughout his house presumably so he could see himself trying to catch herpes from Paris Hilton or just look at himself when no one else is around to feed him compliments.

Ronaldo’s architect apparently goes by the name Mr. Torres. One can only assume he comes from the Mr. Brainwash school. It’s like the Belichick coaching tree for artists. Banksy must be a proud father.

The chances of this happening are probably zero to -10 but the possibility opens up a world of ideas.

Damon Feldman, CEO of the Hollywood Boxing Federation, wants Mark Wahlberg to fight Will Smith for charity. He’s willing to offer them $1 million to do it in Vegas.

Feldman’s work is cut out for him considering who has fought in his Super Bowl of Hollywood Boxing in the past. The list of previous contestants reads like a list of Fox Reality Channel rejects. Jose Canseco, Michael Lohan and Danny Bonaduce are among the clowns who have shown no shame. Horshack and Screech have participated in celebrity boxing as well. They fought for a coffee can of hobo chili (coffee grounds and shoe laces) and a mayo sandwich that had been sitting in the summer sun for three weeks.

This idea is going nowhere but think if other celebrities could be convinced to fight each other. Why stop with boxing? How about a Thunderdome battle? Imagine Guy Fieri taking on Diddy or Paris Hilton against Kim Kardashian. Two men enter, one man leave. The whole world wins no matter what the result and best of all, it’s for charity. Won’t someone please think about the children?

Poor Sergio Gadea and Maverick Viñales. Little did they realize that when Paris Hilton decided to buy into their Moto 125cc grand prix team, she came as part of a package deal.

Hilton is going to sponsor the SuperMartXé VIP team for the 2011 season. She intends to make as many races as possible in order to infect one or both racers with herpes as fast as she can. Their bikes may go fast but the chickenhead socialite’s STD cocktail moves faster than an airborne disease from a monkey or the speed of sound. They might consider bring Valtrex on as a co-sponsor and precautionary measure.

I look at that picture and imagine a band of chimps playing the jugs inside her head. Someone should tell her to close her mouth. One can only assume she’s also confused about why nothing’s flying towards it when it couldn’t be more obvious that it’s in the ready position.