If you were hesitant to watch one of the most interesting sports of all the Winter Games because you didn’t understand what the heck was going on…well then you are dumb and you need a giant picture like the one above to help you out. Thank the maker for we are here to assist you. Click on the picture and enjoy knowing what all the hipsters in the great white north have known about for ages. Plus, its really just a fine piece of graphic design. Very well done. Impressive even.e
Also, if you haven’t checked out PlayCurling.com you really should. I saw it on Levy & Zerkle’s tweets the other day and I must say, the game is friggin addictive. As a matter of fact, they found it so addicting, they’ve created an online curling tournament. Check out the twitter hashtag #blogswithstones for information on signing up or just to see what happens.
Finally, just because this post needed something sexy to keep it going, curling women can actually be pretty hot. If somehow haven’t seen them, click here, but be careful, some are NSFW.
Are you enjoying the tape-delayed barrage of figure skating and luge on every NBC network? Are you feeling the hyperbole of Jimmy Roberts along with the bloated presence of Al Michaels? No?
People can yell like Mexican soccer announcers but it’s not going to make cross country skiing any more exciting. You know what makes Olympic sports thrilling. Tropical countries.
The Jamaican bobsled team captured the imagination of even the most skeptic Olympic watcher and that was before John Candy. The Vancouver Olympics has offered an Ethiopian skier and Indian luger but they’re just slow. You know what these games need? Venezuela. Start at :50.
Now that’s drama. We need more overmatched people from tropical climates to liven these Games up. The 2002 Salt Lake City Games did it right. Hugo Chavez sent Iginia Boccalandro, a former basketball player, to represent Venezuela in the luge competition. It went as well as you would expect. She was unharmed after her accident and lived to luge another day.
If she was good enough for a presidential candidate without conviction like Mitt Romney, she’s good enough for you. The free heating oil is great but how about more winter sport athletes, Hugo?
Pete Townshend will be pissed that The Who aren’t in Vancouver this coming weekend. The Winter Olympics kick off in two days and the opening ceremony will be full of weed and Triad-y good times. No Olympic opening or closing ceremony is complete without the presence of official mascots. Quatchi, Sumi, Miga, Mukmuk and Pedobear will be there to help Canada welcome viewers to the city that cursed the world with Nickelback. Wait. Pedobear?
Pedobear, who is on the far right of the picture, was originally devised by members of the anarchic 4chan message board as a way of mocking users who expressed a sexual interest in young people.
Since then a tasteless internet trend – or meme – has emerged in which users insert the bear into other photos in a contest to create the most inappropriate composite image.
The mascots were inspired by “traditional native creatures”. I’m not an expert on Native American culture or creatures but I think it’s safe to assume that the pedobear was not roaming the Pacific Northwest before Paleface came and stole the land. Maybe it was a mythical creature used to scare children into behaving. “Settle down otherwise Pedobear will come in the night on a horse and ravage you like Gary Glitter, Hopping Beaver.” It’s time for Chris Hansen and Cam’ron to stop this Pedobear from ruining the greatest thing to happen to Canada since poutine and Alex Trebek.