Rape whistle inventor’s inspiration and Bobby Lupo avenger Steven Seagal was instrumental in the victories of Andersen Silva over Vitor Belfort at UFC 126, and Lyoto Machida’s victory over Randy Couture. Although Jon “Bones” Jones had the opportunity to learn the ways of the eskimo woman sensi, he chose to decline, which lead to him winning the fight anyway. Now we are learning that Steven Seagal may be taking his character from the Grindhouse crapfest Machete a little too seriously.
Mexicans looking to sneak into the United States have a brand new obstacle … a gun-toting Steven Seagal … who has just become an official border sheriff in Texas.
Seagal was sworn in as a sheriff’s deputy in Hudspeth County, Texas this weekend … and according to a sheriff’s dept. spokesman, he’ll be working full-time to help secure the border Texas shares with Mexico.
Shockingly, the rep insists Seagal’s work with the department has nothing to do with his A&E reality show, “Steven Seagal: Lawman.”
One of the sheriffs told Chron.com, “It became very clear to me that Mr. Seagal is not in this for the celebrity or the publicity … He’s like the rest of us that live down here, he has a sincere passion for his country and he wants to do more to help.”
On a side note, Seagal looks like he’s ready to stroll the desert, at extremely high temperatures, and to, if necessary, give pursuit to these hopeful, hard-working, harmlessful Americans terrorists. Not only that but he probably won’t sweat, either.
Sorry, it’s not Battleship. The NCAA doesn’t deal with that club mess. Don’t get excited. It’s not going to be a football game. They’re talkin’ basketball.
North Carolina will play Michigan State on an aircraft carrier if the two schools are able to work out a deal. The game would take place on Veterans’ Day. Roy Williams mentioned the possibility on his radio show earlier this week. Officials from both schools admitted that negotiations are taking place between them as well as “the US government and a promoter”. Let’s pray that the promoter is Don King.
Fuck your couch and tennis court. This is a brilliant idea. I see two possible scenarios. Both have some collateral damages but my goodness, the tension and excitement for the rest of us.
They’ll probably hold flights off during the game so there’s little chance of players getting nailed by incoming or departing aircraft. The more likely case would probably involve a player diving for a ball and falling off the flight deck. They might catch some net or hit the water where they’re swarmed by great whites. Sharks, not Thomas Jefferson or Winston Churchill. It’ll be just like playing at Vanderbilt. You know you watch a Commodores game hoping to see something like that happen (minus the sharks…unless they can make that happen). Then again it’s a large assumption that you watch Vanderbilt basketball unless they’re playing your team or you went there.
The more ideal scenario involves an Under Siege type situation breaking out. Everyone’s distracted and getting ready for the event. It’s a big time basketball game instead of some Cher type singer. You know, something non-gay sailors would get excited about. I refuse to believe any crew in any navy would get that pumped if Cher performed live on their ship. Maybe if they were stranded at sea for three years. Sorry, I digress.
In the commotion, a group of bad guys sneaks on board and manages to take control of the ship. Obviously a disgruntled ex-officer who was dishonorably discharged at the least. It’s up to some Steven Segal type and a MSU player to rally and save the rest of the crew and spectators. Maybe that’s more Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (good to see Morris Chesnut working again). I suppose Tom Izzo should be in the party. He shows some old skills, kills one of the bad guys and saves the rest of the crew who are locked up in a hold. No way Roy Williams makes it. He chokes way too much to survive the whole thing. A pipe will fall on his head just when he thinks he’s made it out or something like that.
Final fight scene? You know it’s a knife fight on the bridge.
Playing a basketball game on an aircraft carrier is a great idea. No doubt but why stop there. There’s so much potential to make it even better. Let’s hope UNC and MSU get this done.
