But you already knew this, right?

It absolutely pains me to see Strikeforce become the red-headed stepchild of the fight game as the UFC toys with shuttering the organization altogether after acquiring the company in March.

Although UFC was interested in several fighters, one of the top prizes for them had to be Alistair Overeem, the “fighting champion” who at one point appeared to prefer boxing exhibitions halfway around the world to fighting with top-flight security guards competition in the UFC. Well, like my days of peering into women’s locker rooms with my zany friends at Angel Beach High School, Overeem has turned a new leaf, agreeing to join the UFC to fight Sable sodomizer Brock Lesnar.

Fight fans will note that Lesnar was seriously humbled by Cain Velasquez last October at UFC 121, losing the strap, and then gaining another life-threatening bout of diverticulitis. He reemerged recently to hunt prairie dogs and consume beef jerky and declare himself good as new. Works for me.

Roll around on the ground with me, LA Times:

“Brock is a big name, a dangerous guy, and this is a dream matchup,” Overeem said Tuesday.

“I want to see this fight myself. Overall, I’m a different fighter. A striker, athletic, big. These are going to be two big trucks going at it on a collision course.”

The 6-foot-5, 260-pound Overeem, 31, is a former K-1 kickboxing champion. He most recently defended his Strikeforce belt in June with a unanimous decision over takedown specialist Fabrio Werdum, who had previously defeated Fedor Emelianenko.

Lesnar, 34, has been out of action since losing his UFC heavyweight belt to Cain Velasquez in October at the Honda Center. Lesnar has been suffering from the intestinal ailment diverticulitis.

The Dec. 30 winner will be first in line to fight the winner of a Nov. 12 fight between Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos.

Lesnar never got to fight Dos Santos after the last season of the Ultimate Fighter. Which was fine with me because I wanted to stop watching so many fights and spend more time with my kids (bursts into laughter). I bet myself I could type that sentence without laughing…looks like I get to buy myself some bestiality porn.

Recent-UFC-punching-bag Shane Carwin has been in a bit of a funk since completely shitting the bed against Brock Lesnar at UFC 116. Carwin is a mechanical engineer, which means that he is huge and a genius, perhaps an evil genius even, like some DC comics villain we all know.

Bloody Elbow posted about this here, but Carwin’s posting can be found here:

I had a chance to speak with him at the Magic Convention in Las Vegas (no we were not the big and tall models) and he said that he and Dana were close to a deal and he would likely be in the UFC before 2012. I think he would make a great addition to the roster.

When I decided that I was going to try for the UFC the HWT division was not nearly as stacked as it is today. The up and coming guys have tons of talent and heart and the top of the division is full of super talented guys. I am excited about all of the potential fights. I have gone to war with many of these guys in my mind and I can’t wait for an opportunity to hit and be ht by them.

Personally, I would love to see Carwin fight Overeem. For me, that would be on the same par as Superman vs. Batman, or Briana loves Jenna, if you will.

(adjusts monocle, swishes scotch glass, turns page in “Jugs” magazine)

Frightening and hilarious UFC former light heavyweight champion Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson has delighted MMA fans with bizarre interviews, police chases, and knockouts. His triangle-choke-to-powerbomb is the most insane countermove I have ever seen in any fight. Win, lose, or draw, Rampage is great entertainment.

Rampage is preparing for his upcoming light-heavyweight title match with Jon “Bones” Jones and suspects that there’s a rat in his crew.

Spill the dets Yahoo! sports:

(Jackson) said that made him wary that someone in his camp had been disloyal. But it wasn’t until recently, when he received a message from a fan on Twitter telling him that Jones had a spy in Jackson’s camp, that he began to consider it a possibility. It prompted him to make up the story about the injured hand to see where it would go.

Jackson said that four hours after he first made mention of the supposed injury, Silva, who was attending UFC 134 in Brazil, called his manager, Anthony McGann, to inquire. When McGann assured Silva that Jackson was not injured, he asked where Silva had heard the information.

To Jackson, the response was predictable: Silva said he had gotten a call from Jones’ manager Malki Kawa.

“One of my friends was talking to Jon Jones’ manager recently, and Jon Jones’ manager was saying that he knows everything that is going on in our camp,” Jackson said. “He said he had spies in our camp and he knew everything that was going on. That got me thinking.

“How did he know about my hand injury that fast? It wasn’t on the Internet, and yet he knew about my hand injury right away. The UFC people were in Brazil, which is why it probably took them four hours to call me. That shows me two things: They have spies in my camp, one, and two, they’re dumb as hell, because they didn’t know how to use the information correctly and to wait. He called right away, running to Joe Silva. Joe Silva called my manager right away.”

First, if Jones is indeed spying on Jackson’s camp then it should be addressed by a disqualification and a purse fine from Jones’ camp, as well as a ban for life from UFC for the culprit. Second, it’s not like it’s a big secret what Rampage’s strategy is anyway. He’s not going to put on a clinic, he’s going to stick and move, maybe do a slam or two; and basically use his power to try to get the KO. Rampage may just be paranoid.

(adjusts earpiece, kicks binoculars underneath chair)

Brazilian import and Middleweight champion for the rest of his UFC career Anderson Silva was knocked by the die hards in the aftermath of UFC 126 because of the leak that Aikido bullshit artist Steven Seagal had been training him. Sure, he’d won 13 UFC fights in a row, but if we all trained with Seagal then we might have as well. “It’s almost cheating!” they cried. Fortunately, Silva was given another chance to prove he can win in the UFC.

Make that 14 UFC W’s in a row. Silva whooped dat trick on Yushin Okami by second-round TKO this past Saturday while residents of New Jersey grabbed two of every animal and built arcs out of plywood.

Courtesy of ESPN:

The win not only allowed Silva to defend his 185-pound belt for a UFC-best ninth time in a row, but he avenged a disqualification loss to Okami in January 2006.

Yeah, okay, Silva lost that fight because the rules of the fight were introduced to him like five seconds before the fight. He kicked Okami in the head while he was pulling guard; not exactly a decisive victory.

Silva is officially the greatest import to the U.S. since Camilla Alves before Mateo fired his previously-believed-to-be-defective-stoner man juice into her. President Obama visited Brazil in March to tout the unique economic partnership that the U.S. enjoys with Brazil. Coincidence? Yes, probably. Like how I banged your mom and then you were born (high fives frat bros, flashes penis to stewardesses).

For seven years, about the only thing to watch on Spike TV, other than Seagal straight-to-DVD movies, is UFC. Seriously, UFC Unleashed is on like every five minutes; along with seasons of The Ultimate Fighter, and preliminary fights before UFC events. But that is now about to change.

UFC is taking its talents to Fox, and the FX Network, which is essentially basic cable HBO. No complaints here, they have terrific programming.

That deal included four live specials, two seasons per year of “The Ultimate Fighter” reality show, “Unleashed” – a compilation of one hour shows airing old fights, the important “Countdown” specials aired several times per week that build up the major pay-per-view events and other special programming. Shows like “Unleashed” and “The Best of Pride Fighting Championship” were cornerstones to Spike’s programming and as recently as two years ago, UFC programming often took up half of the network’s prime-time hours in a given week.

But will Spike be okay without UFC to bolster its programming? Well, probably not. Even with diminished ratings it’s still the only draw for the network.

UFC live events on Spike averaged a 1.7 rating from the inception of live specials in 2005 through 2009. But numbers declined to a 1.26 average in 2010. The three events so far this year have rebounded to a 1.37.

“TUF” has been a mixed bag. The late 2010 season featuring coaches Georges St. Pierre and Josh Koscheck was among the highest rated in its history. But even with the company’s biggest drawing card, Brock Lesnar, coaching against Junior Dos Santos in the spring 2011 season, it was the lowest-rated season in the history of the show.

“Unleashed,” a one-hour taped show, had declined more dramatically as the novelty of UFC programming wore off, dropping from an 0.8 average in the early days to an 0.4 this year. As numbers declined, so did Spike’s prime-time average, falling from a top-15 network to where it frequently struggles to crack the top 25. Over the past two years, the number of prime-time hours devoted to UFC has greatly decreased.

Whatever, just get rid of Tito Ortiz and let’s get this thing rolling!

(slams head into wall, stumbles backwards, falls over coffee table)

Update: The worldwide leader in sports is now reporting it, I guess it’s official.

Additional programming on FX, Fuel TV and Fox Sports Net launches in January. FX will host 32 live fight events a year on Friday nights, including six UFC cards and a complete revamp of the promotion’s instrumental reality program “The Ultimate Fighter,” which finishes its run on Spike TV with Season 14 starting in September.

Sounds terrific! Now I can tell the women that won’t date me that I am staying home for work!