Talk about two people who won’t go away. In 2011 Lance Armstrong “retired” from cycling (for the second time) and Oprah finally retired from her syndicated television show.  Flash forward to the beginning of 2013 and HERE THEY BOTH ARE AGAIN as Oprah is set to interview Lance Armstrong about the doping scandal which has stripped him of seven Tour de France titles and whatever else she wants to ask him because she is Oprah and ain’t nobody sayin’ no to the Oprah.  Ask Stedman.  That guy knows where his bread is buttered.

Anyway, the interview is set to broadcast on Oprah’s OWN channel on January 17th starting at 9pm, so, if you wanna watch, better set those DVRs if you can find that channel.  If I know anything about the people that still read this sports blog, I’m assuming that you’ve all got that channel in your favorites anyway so you should be allllllll set.

Me, I think my feelings can best be summed up with this

What I’m guessing we’ll see is Oprah “breaking” Lance down a few times, making old one nut cry a bit and finally getting some sort of half confession-half justification out of  him.  Either that or he’ll attempt to stick to his story like Rafael Palmeiro attempted to do in front of Congress which would be HILARIOUS television.

I guess I mistakenly thought that once Oprah retired celebrities wouldn’t have an outlet to “bare their souls”, confess and get back into the good graces of the public they so desperately crave attention and validation from (besides Saturday Night Live i guess, but Lance already shot that wad in 2005 and with DISASTROUS results)?  It sucks that Oprah has given Lance this hailmary chance at redemption because, quite honestly, he doesn’t really deserve it.  The dude lied to everyone and their mothers, probably his own mother, about doping for decades.

Lance should just go away and Oprah should go away as well so that she can’t keep orchestrating public redemption for horrible people just for ratings on her flagging network.

Soon, our own urine will be the sports drink of the future! Astronauts aboard the recently launched Atlantis are testing out a new urine recycling system that will somehow take their own pee and convert it into a sugar-flavored sports drink that is sure to be delicious. Here’s how it works from the Sydney Morning Herald:

The bags work without power by taking advantage of forward osmosis. It involves the natural diffusion of water through a semi-permeable membrance that acts as a barrier so that small molecules such as water pass through while larger molecules such as salts, sugars, starches, proteins, viruses, bacteria and parasites are blocked.

The resulting, clean liquid is combined with a sugar flavour additive. NASA says any liquid, not just human waste water, can be cleaned using the system and there have already been trials in villages in Kenya and during disaster relief efforts in Haiti and Chile.

Sure its sounds pretty disgusting, but by all accounts its perfectly safe and I think could have some rather incredible effects on Iron Man races, Ultra-Marathoning, Tour de France style bike races and other super intense tests of endurance. If you can just strap this thing to your leg, pee in the bag while you are running or biking or whatever, have it convert that piss right back into a sports/energy drink then the only time an athlete will ever have to stop is to rest or die.

Gettin a little thirsty Mr. Marathon Man? Just pee in a bag and it will be Gatorade in about 5 minutes! ENJOY!

Can you imagine the use this could get on long road trips as well? Say you dont feel like stopping to pee, not only could you relieve yourself in a bag, you could then drink a delicious sports beverage afterwards and avoid stopping a second time when you inevitably get thirsty after you got rid of all that liquid. Wash, rinse, repeat!

I hope the next thing they figure out is how to turn astronaut’s crap into a 4 course candlelight dinner that comes in a pill shape just like the Jetsons promised would happen. I’m all over that like stink on shit when it happens, SIGN ME UP.

From Seattle Post Intelligence

Photo from Jason Scragz‘s flickr