Usher, or Urshur to his friends, is going full Ali and playing a boxer in an upcoming Roberto Duran biopic called Hands of Stone. He’ll be playing the role of nemesis Sugar Ray Leonard.

“You couldn’t find a more stylized boxer than Sugar Ray Leonard,” Usher said by telephone. “He was an incredible motion guy, the way he moved around the ring, and I think my dancing will make it easier for me to pick up his moves. I’ve been working on familiarizing myself with the ring, sparring and just understanding how to move in the ring.”

Oh sure. Dancing translates to boxing just as well as it does to wrestling. Ask Miguel how that thinking worked out for him.

Will Smith was able to bulk up for his role in Ali. Usher claims he’s been preparing for his role for over a year but still needs to lose 20-25 pounds. He might want to choose some tougher sparring partners.

Duran is the one supposed to say “No mas” not Sugar Ray Leonard.

Edgar Ramirez will play the lead role of Duran. Robert de Niro will play his trainer, Ray Arcel. There’s no word on who will play the other members of Duran’s salsa band Arena Blanca. That’s right. Roberto Duran has a salsa band.

You’re welcome.

Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry better watch out. Michael Turner’s coming at them with a vengeance. Roger Goodell and Peter King can check their fake indignation. No bounties are involved unless one counts child support.

Police were called to Turner’s house after his current girlfriend attacked his baby mama with a move that would have made Elin Woods proud.

According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, [Rasheeda] Walker claims she has 2 children with Turner and is “upset because he refuses to see them.” She also claims she’s pregnant with Turner’s 3rd child and wanted to talk to him about the situation.

Walker told cops she knocked on the front door … only to be ambushed by Turner’s new GF Elizabeth Delacruz … who was wielding a golf club and shouting, “YOU AT MY HOUSE NOW B*TCH.”

Walker claims she grabbed the golf club away from Delacruz and the two began to fight … until 5’10″, 244-pound Turner came outside and broke the whole thing up.

What’s the lesson here? Never go out with a shapeshifter. Delacruz went from Elin Woods to Brenda Richie just like that. She’s like a female Manimal. Whoa.

One has to appreciate Turner’s delegation of authority among his women. You strictly for the baby making and you for the sexin’. Never the twain shall meet unless it’s in the front yard and a battle to the death. Perhaps he should consider constructing a Thunderdome in the front yard for times like these. No need for law enforcement as what happens in Thunderdome stays in Thunderdome.

Hats off as well to the Avoid the Shorties strategy. Not seeing the kids means not having to remember their names or naming them the same thing.

I haven’t had any interest in watching Dancing with the Stars. The only times I’ve been seen it are when I’ve been forced to watch it by a significant other or my mom. Don’t tell me I don’t understand Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib detainees. I feel their pain like one of the Crimson Twins. I was willing to sell my family and friends up the river for a reprieve after only a few minutes. All that being said, my attitude could change towards the show if reports about next season come to fruition.

TMZ is reporting that DWTS is in negotiations with the former Ron Artest to appear on the show this upcoming season.

Nothing’s official yet — but sources tell us, both Artest and “Dancing” producers have been in touch to hash out a possible deal … and Ron’s pretty excited about the prospect.

But here’s the catch — “Dancing” won’t end ’til November and basketball season typically starts in October … which means if the lockout ends early, Ron could be S.O.L.

That said, Ron could theoretically handle both commitments simultaneously — because as TMZ first reported, “Dancing” producers are desperate for A-list talent … so there will be NO minimum rehearsal requirement next season.

Oh please let this happen. Artest may have changed his name to Metta World Peace but don’t act like you couldn’t see him blowing up over a low score from one of the judges. How long into the season would we have to wait until stories start coming out about him texting pictures of his dick to his dance partner?

Who’s going to tell Artest that’s not a dance move? Will he insist that they dance to one of his own tracks?

Hines Ward had Jerome Bettis or Franco Harris present to cheer him on. I don’t even know which one was be there. Artest would find some crazy fool to represent for him. I’d love to see a chimp in a Lakers jersey and Rec-Specs (shout out to Rambis) in the crowd every week. Maybe AC Green could show up and sit uncomfortably while the couples grind up on each other. You gotta feel sorry for his wife. His load probably blew her back out after being pent up for so long. She’s probably in physical therapy to this day.

Anyway, Artest on DWTS needs to happen. They might want to continue with the crazy and think bigger. Imagine deposed dictators as contestants. Too bad Saddam Hussein and Idi Amin are dead. They would be perfect. Warlords would make for great viewing. Some former Congolese rebel leader who eats chimps and people or a former Serbian general would liven things up. Don’t waste your time contacting your Congressperson about the debt ceiling. They’re all assclowns and you know it. Phone, email, fax or carrier raven ABC and tell them to get on board with this hotness.

Chicago Bears fan Jeremy Piven wasn’t pleased when he was busted making comments about Ben Roethlisberger during Sundance.

Piven was talking sports during some downtime last week at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, when he said the Super Bowl, set for Feb. 6, would have been a better with the New York Jets and his hometown favorites, the Chicago Bears on the field.

“Now its Rapist-berger and the cheese heads,” Piven said, referring to Sunday’s Steelers-Packers matchup.

“The cheesy rape burger,” he then riffed, drawing chuckles from another man in the room.

Piven lamented being caught on camera but he should be happy that TMZ was there for a change. Someone heard what he was trying to say. He needed a burger good enough for Ben Roethlisberger. He needed one sloppy like Big Ben’s game with college girls and with enough cheese to back him up in case of another sushi attack. The guys from Epic Meal Time heard his cry and came up with the Sloppy Roethlisberger.

20 pounds of beef. 20 pounds of bacon, pork slab, cheddar cheese, BBQ sauce and a bun that would even impress Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Have a little Four Loko Chili on the side along with Four Loko in a cup made of bacon. Don’t you want to taste “crazy alcohol rainbow pig”? Super Bowl party. Super Bowl angioplasty. Same thing.

Would a Molesty-berger be a normal sized version of the Sloppy Roethlisberger? Big Ben would probably throw down on both of them when he’s not busy finding his religion. That’s him in the corner…with your little sister.