“It’s MSG, gentlemen. The gods will not save you.” Apparently that’s the job of James Dolan’s hired goons.

Did you know Carmelo Anthony wanna bump and slump with Kevin Garnett? That’s also what Isiah Thomas called his MSG sexual harassment style but that’s neither here nor there. KG almost found out how the City That Bleeds get down when havoc broke loose at the Garden on Monday night.

The breakout star of Stop Snitchin’ took offense to Garnett mistaking him for a foreign player and things quickly went downhill from there.

‘Bows were thrown, words were said and that was the end of it. Well there was the small matter of Melo waiting for KG at the vistors locker room and following him to the Celtics team bus before being forced to stand down by MSG security, NYPD and Mike Woodson.

Anthony, according to eyewitnesses interviewed by the Daily News, waited for Garnett near the Celtics bus following Boston’s emotionally charged 102-96 victory on Monday night.

A potentially volatile scene was defused by Garden security personnel, five New York City police officers and even Knicks coach Mike Woodson, who rushed to the scene unfolding near the Garden ramp and ordered Anthony to leave peacefully.

A source on the scene claimed that Garnett seemed somewhat surprised and confused by Anthony’s presence and acted as a peacemaker as Celtics security ushered the All-Star forward onto the bus.

…Anthony could be in more trouble since, according to the MSG Network, the All-Star forward initially waited for Garnett outside the Celtics’ locker room immediately after the game ended.

Poor “surprised and confused” KG. One can imagine the thoughts running through his mind as he tried to figure out why the person coming at him was dark skinned and speaking native English instead of a romance or Slavic language.

Doc Rivers made things better when he commented on the hilarity that ensued after the game.

“If it were a playoff I’d tell on him, but since it’s not I’m just going to be quiet.”

Who knew Doc was such a fan of Melo’s film work? He may just rock a “big penny” around his neck when the Knicks visit the Celtics in Boston.

Wait there’s more. Rasheed Wallace apparently played the voice of reason by telling Melo that it wasn’t worth it. What was down is now up cause ball don’t lie.

Your musical reference: Rosa Parks by Outkast

Before K-State survived, Syracuse was knocked out by Butler. 

Yeah, 75% of the country’s brackets were done last weekend, so we don’t care.  What I really care about is the deification of Gus Johnson.  What happened to this guy?  He’s not that good anymore.  A few years ago, he was solid.  Now, he’s just another screamer.  I found him almost unbearable last night. 

Meanwhile, Billy Raferty explained the origin of “onions.”

I, on the other hand, will never get tired of Billy Raferty.

Joe Mauer signed an 8-year $184M extension with the Minnesota Twins.

Couldn’t be happier for Twins fans; Mauer is a great player (even though his guaranteed $184M is roughly $32M more than what the team contributed to the funding of their new ballpark.  Thanks, Hennepin County!).  I just find it interesting that people are back-slapping the Twins for stepping up to the plate and taking such a big risk.  The recently- deceased owner was reportedly worth $3.6B.  Yeah, that’s a “B” for BILLION.  Excuse me if I’m not as obsequious.

Vicente Padilla, a true gentleman of the game.

Vicente Padilla will be the Opening Day starter for the Dodgers.

Apparently, Dean Wormer was wrong.  Fat, drunk and Plaxico is a great way to go through life.

Gilbert Arenas will be sentenced today.  

I wouldn’t be surprised if Flip Saunders hopes for the chair.

Tim Tebow was cursed at when he suggested a prayer before the Wonderlic test.

Tebow is denying the story and if I were him, I’d deny it too.  The dude scored a 22 out of 50.  Just to give that score some context, 24 is the average for NFL QBs.  Even this guy beat him.  Clearly, Jesus was busy that day.   

Phil Hughes will start the season as the Yankees’ 5^th starter.

Color me shocked.  If you followed the Yankees in spring training even somewhat closely, it was pretty easy to see this wasn’t really a competition.  And since most teams don’t need a 5^th starter until May, once again, I must ask: who cares? 

Tiger Woods will hold a press conference the Monday before the Masters.

Wrestlemania XXVI is this weekend.

Now, there are two unrelated places that could both use Gus Johnson.

This week was kind of a downer, yes, I know.  Treat yourself to Keith Law’s Top 200 Rock Songs of the 1990’s.  In addition to his encyclopedic knowledge of music, I’m fairly certain he’s one of the few people in the world who could make the Kansas City Royals a playoff team.  That’s a rare combination of talent.   Have a great weekend, enjoy the games.