So the Aggies of Texas A&M thought that they could get the jump on the whole college football realignment business by joining the SEC right away. Like, they thought they’d be in the SEC next season.  The only problem with this is that the SEC never asked Texas A&M to join them, doesn’t really want them right now and basically told A&M “Yeah, uh, thanks big guy…but no thanks” on Sunday. Boy, have their faces got to be red…or orange…or burnt sienna or whatever their school colors are.

Via ESPN:

“(Texas A&M) did approach the SEC, not the other way around,” [Arkansas chancellor Dave] Gearhart said. “I’m not really sure of all the reasons for that. I’m sure that there’s a lot of speculation on behalf of a lot of people that what caused them to do that.

“The bottom line is they did approach the SEC.”

One has to assume that A&M was attempting to be proactive because they do not want to be left out in the cold when Texas bolts out of the Big 12 for greener pastures in the next year or two. Too bad for them that it appears A&M will not be going anywhere greener anytime soon.

Will anyone take on A&M now that the SEC flat out rejected them? Did they blow their proverbial wad when attempting to hook up with the prettiest girl in college? Could they now have to hook up with the last girl in the bar at 3am when the lights come on? Is it possible that I can make any more forced awkward references to my time spent in college?  In all seriousness, no, they’re probably going to end up in the SEC at some point even though it doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.

Discounting money for a second, why on earth would A&M want to be in the SEC? They can barely compete against Texas (and that is being really really generous to them) how are they going to compete in a conference that most seasons has 2 or 3 teams that have the talent level as good or better than what Texas has on a yearly basis? Football-wise, the move makes zero sense whatsoever. Getting into the SEC would help them out financially for a bit sure, but in the end, it could hurt their program more than its already being hurt by languishing behind the Longhorns season after season.

I understand that big conferences with big teams bring in big dollars, but maybe A&M might do better for itself in the long run thinking smaller and instead trying to become a bigger fish in a littler pond. Perhaps A&M should think outside the box a little more, Nebraska and Colorado certainly did.

MMA Expert Turd Ferguson has tired of destroying MMA fighters.  He wants to go after something bigger: ESPN.

After a nice run in 1990′s, ESPN transmogrified into that abusive ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend, right Chuck Finley?) that you just wish like hell would go away for good. Sure, you still treasure the good times (Dan Patrick, Craig Kilborn), or the stuff that he/she still has that nobody else could offer (Monday Night Football, Tony Kornheiser) but you also recognize that the things that you liked at first (Chris Berman, Michael Wilbon) we’re never that good in the first place and are quickly destroying your life.

The “Worldwide Leader in Sports” (or just along the Eastern Corridor, Dallas, and the West Coast) recently inked a $300 million, 20-year television deal with the University of Texas.  For those of you looking for that Vince Young Longhornography, keep looking:

Non-athletic fare is likely to run for about three hours a day and include musical performances, plays, and documentaries by faculty members and students, Powers said. Details are yet to be worked out.

‘This will be high-level, entertaining cultural, music, scientific, Discovery Channel, History Channel kind of stuff,’ Powers said. ‘And we have a team put together working on it, and that will be done in collaboration with ESPN.’

Yes, because the last thing we would want on a sports channel would be sports, right? Remember the Alamo!

Also, ESPN is adding a new channel for the University of Texas and all viewers will get is one or two additional football games? That’s like when television networks try to air a cool movie, say “The Departed,” but then have to edit the hell out of it to the point where you are pretty much a lip reader by the end of the movie. What did he just say? GOD I AM SO LOST!

Or, they try to lure you in with movies of the week like “Goodfellas” but bombard you with weeknight schlock like “The Mummy Returns” or “Phone Booth.”  DECEPTIVE!

Similarly, how is Herm Edwards still employed? And why hasn’t anyone attempted to muzzle Chris Broussard?

Some mysteries in our universe will never be solved.

Researchers note that domestic violence rates in Wisconsin always rise after a Green Bay Packers loss. Of course, the World Cup has to do everything bigger and better. You try to watch the World Cup over a religious program? That’s a killin’. Cry over the US-Ghana match while people are trying to watch. That’s unpatriotic. Oh that’s a killin’ too.

Hector Castro of McAllen, TX will be (or already has been) charged with murder in the death of his 2 year old stepdaughter. The reason? She wouldn’t stop crying during the US-Ghana game. I was yelling during the match but that’s going a bit too far. The details of the crime are brutal to say the least.

Police Chief Victor Rodriguez says Castro told investigators that the toddler wouldn’t stop crying while he was trying to watch the U.S.-Ghana matchup on Saturday.

Rodriguez says the child was severely beaten and suffered several broken ribs. Police said a screw or bolt was forced down her throat in an apparent attempt to make it look like she chocked to death.

Congratulations, America. You know soccer has made it here when we start killing each other over it.

A special shout-out to Landon Donovan for helping make the game what it is today by knocking up a groupie. Well played!

Enjoy Portugal-Spain today and remember to shut up while I’m watching the game. I’m not sayin’. I’m just sayin’.