Father Time All-world wideout Terrell Owens took a break from his busy VH1 filming schedule to run routes and do drills in shorts for the cameras of the NFL Network yesterday. This would be more impressive but for the fact that absolutely anyone can do this themselves in their spare time, too.
The free-agent receiver is unsigned after tearing his anterior cruciate ligament and having surgery in early April. He participated in some drills and caught passes Tuesday in the workout that was televised on ESPN and the NFL Network. He did not run the 40-yard dash.
Well, why would anyone want to see a soon-to-be 38-year-old receiver run anyway? He looks terrific with his shirt off; and that right there is why Vernon Gholston is living in a gated community. To be fair, Owens had 72 receptions and 983 receiving yards last season with the Cincinnati Bengals before having off season knee surgery; which rarely depletes the speed of aging athletes.
Owens said he wasn’t deterred by the fact that no scouts were in attendance and said his workout “speaks for itself.”
“I only need one team,” Owens told the NFL Network. “I only need one chance.”
Owens said he felt good after the workout and that overall, “I probably feel better than I did before when I got hurt.”
Phew! For a second there I thought he was going to tell us how difficult it has been for him to rehabilitate his gimpy knee. Well, since Hue Jackson is in a giving mood, and channeling the ghost of Al Davis; why not sign TO?
There’s no need to go into the abuse Jay Cutler took during and after the Bears’ loss to the Packers in the NFC Championship game. He was getting it from all sides. Current and former players, commentators, journalists, fans and half-ass bloggers (including yours truly) were killing him for not playing the second half. People even tried to get on him about walking up the stairs while going to dinner Sunday evening. Won’t someone please think about the children!
There were plenty of questions about Cutler this whole season even as he lead them to the NFC Championship game. The questions weren’t so much about his durability or heart. He took a beating all season especially against the Giants who sacked him 10 times in the same game. Todd Collins was forced to come in for him and was promptly injured. Nice to see him reprise his role on Sunday by not wasting any time getting injured again.
The doubts surrounding him were more about his abilities. He threw the most interceptions in the league last season and had a tendency to throw ridiculous ones this season although he managed to not repeat his feat from 2009.
You can put T.O. and Michael Strahan among those who don’t think much of Cutler’s skills. Check this video from last week’s episode of the T.Ocho. show. They wasted no words slaughtering him (which is stunning).
“Least favorite”. “Color blind”. “…Slinging the ball around like free loaves of bread in the ‘hood.” Tell us how you really feel. Fantasy owners must have the same
If you can’t get into that hot party on January 19th, try the Blind Barber. T.O.’s hosting a “speakeasy soiree” benefit for the Alzheimer’s Association. Musical entertainment will be provided by … Pras Michel, the most talented of all the Fugees.
Pras is probably the safest Fugee to have at your party if one must be present. Wyclef will steal the money and use it on his mistress or a fake political campaign. Lauryn Hill will show up 3-4 hours late then tell you she’s worth the wait as she rushes through a medley while being played over by her band. Your best bet? Get some of that Four Loko you’ve been holding back and swig it in Washington Square Park while yelling at tourists.
The return of football season brings back to focus a lot of things, but most notably, the blustery sportscaster. For some odd reason, FOOTBALL may only be announced in LOUD VOICES by GUYS who speak in run-on sentences while GRUNTING. While I love football, I’m not sure I can take another season of Chris Berman gesticulating his way through a stream of highlights or Jon Gruden speaking in coach talk for an entire season. There’s got to be someone better. Nevermind.
And one other thing: Berman, I don’t normally like you, but for one reason or another, the moustache looks oddly right. Bonus points for helping kill an emerging hipster trend. On to this very special football-only edition of headlines:
It’s pretty easy to get obsessed with the MLB Trading Deadline, but as I get older I find myself getting tired of being jerked around. In my mind, I’m able to live with certain guys no longer being on their previous team as long as I have proper time to visualize it. For example, it was tough for me to accept Roy Oswalt in anything but an Astros uniform, but when I thought he’d land with the Cardinals, I started to make peace with it. When he was traded to the Phillies, that messed up the entire part of my brain dedicated to processing Roy Oswalt’s existence in my feeble mind. It’s a rather small existence, but still… Since there is a new Adam Dunn trade rumor just about every couple of hours, that part of me is in utter disarray. I don’t know how I’ll contemplate him in a Tigers or White Sox uniform. That wouldn’t look right. What if he stays in Washington? Will I still view him as a National or does part of me think of him as a rental from the Reds? I don’t know. That one may take some time. But I do know this: it’s time to do some headlines:
Roy Oswalt waived his no-trade clause in order to complete a trade sending him to the Philadelphia Phillies.
Not a bad consolation prize for basically giving Cliff Lee away this past winter. In the past year, the Phillies have traded for three of the best pitchers in baseball (combined career record: 402-222) without giving up their best prospect. Ifthe Yankees had done this, we’d have to hold an intervention for ESPN.com story commenters. Either way, Team Roy should form a pretty good 1-2 punch as the Phils try to get back to the World Series.
Bengals coach Marvin Lewis must be a glutton for punishment. Here are his starting wide receivers, or as I like to call it, the “Depth Chart of Crazy”:
Chad Ochocinco: Twitter-addicted egomaniac who legally changed his name to “eight-five” in Spanish. Budding reality TV star, possibly insane.
Terrell Owens: Egomaniacal cry baby who throws quarterbacks under the bus like temper tantrums: regularly. Budding reality tv star, probably insane.
Antonio Bryant: Labeled as a “bad character” guy dating back to his college days at Pitt, he repeatedly gets into fights with his coaches, probably because of his ego, which usually leads to him having to find a new team (or because he fails a drug test). Maybe insane.
See a trend here? Sidenote: Marvin’s starting running back is Cedric Benson… So good luck with all that…
I don’t know what took the Orioles so long, but Showalter is probably the best hire the Orioles could have made. He has a solid track record of getting his players to play disciplined baseball. Granted, he usually gets fired after three or four
There's a part of me that forgot this ever happened.
seasons because his players grow to hate him, but with 32 wins through July, the O’s aren’t really in a place to call the shots. One O’s fan reaction: “Did Showalter count how many times ‘major league worst’ can appear in one article about the Orioles before he took the position?” Needless to say, Buck will have his work cut out for him. First suggestion: hire this man! You can never have too many “Bucks.”
The rumor circulating was that the writer misidentified himself to Team LeBron. Silly ESPN, how dare they report something unflattering about a basketball player. Best leave that to those scalawags at Deadspin! And how come Bill Simmons wasn’t writing this piece? He knows more about Vegas and the NBA than anyone! Oh wait, it was because he was busy hopping off the Red Sox bandwagon to write a “This Third Place Boston Red Sox Team Doesn’t Entertain Me” article for the front page of sonsofsamhorn.com espn.com.
Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez made his minor league debut for the Washington Nationals’ Rookie League affiliate.
Duque is one of my favorite players of all time. He tells people he’s 44 years old but it’s probably closer to 46. Despite his World Series rings and career earnings over $34M, he’s still holding on to the dream. Or he’s broke. I hope it’s not the latter. Either way, I’ll be pulling for him.
That’s it for me. If you need me, I’ll be on a gigantic boat, resting my shoulder, preparing for one last summer push into the MLB playoff races and the start of football. Gotta make some room in my brain:
Father Time All-world wideout Terrell Owens took a break from his busy VH1 filming schedule to run routes and do drills in shorts for the cameras of the NFL Network yesterday. This would be more impressive but for the fact that absolutely anyone can do this themselves in their spare time, too. 
