In a Super Bowl that was wayyyyy closer than it should’ve been, the Baltimore Ravens defeated the San Francisco 49ers by the score of 34-31.  This game really had everything one would want in a solid Super Bowl match-up.  It had a bizzare 30 minute blackout in the middle of the 3rd quarter.  It had the 49ers making a furious 2nd half comeback only to fall short with under two minutes to go in the game.  It had special teams touchdowns, a random fakes field goal and it even a safety.  This game was one defensive touchdown away from having every type of exciting play a football game should have.

And now, sadly, the season is over and we must wait until next autumn before football season comes around again.  We’ll have the next 6 months to talk about if Joe Flacco is “elite”, if Ray Ray actually did murder someone, if Alex Smith will attempt to murder Jim Harbaugh only to fall short because he is not an elite enough murderer.  Sigh…i’m going to miss football.

I began fearing the potential of a “Harbowl” over a year ago. Last winter, we received a reprieve from that dreadful moniker but alas, no such luck this season. On Sunday evening, when it was all but certain Baltimore would advance to play San Francisco in Super Bowl XLVII, I tried to find a rooting interest. I reviewed all of the salient points — I once lived in Baltimore for three years; my favorite quarterback of all time is Joe Montana; like me, Steve Young is a handsome, dark-haired attorney; and also like me, Joe Flacco fights to protect facial boundaries from an aggressive unibrow. But I’ll be damned if I couldn’t find one legitimate reason why I’d want either team to win: they are both easily detestable. Let’s break it down:

So basically what you’re telling me is that I’m left with picking between Patrick Willis and Steve Bischotti? Perhaps an exciting Harbaugh Bowl SuperBaugh Brother Bowl Super Bowl XLVII just wasn’t meant to be: from replacement refs to head trauma to the coaching carousel, maybe the NFL is just having an off-year. Maybe, Roger Goodell can start making the Super Bowl more meaningful by bringing back the sweet location-themed logos. Either way, I have a week to make this game interesting. Otherwise, it’s going to be up to bourbon and/or gambling. Please don’t make me go there, Rog!