We haven’t heard much of Egyptian soccer since Bob Bradley took over as manager of the national team. Guess there was also the matter of last year’s riot in Port Said that resulted in almost 80 deaths, over 1000 injuries and the shutdown of club soccer in the country.

Soccer in many countries is affected by more than what happens on the field or club boardroom. Politics, ethnicity, geography, religion and stupidity often affect players and fans when they collide with the game. Egypt is no exception to this as seen with the riot as well as the political fallout. Check this episode of Inside Story on the politicization and future of Egyptian club soccer if you have 25 minutes to kill. What? Oh stop.

The Jim Romes and Michael Wilbons of the world may love to insult soccer as soft but it’s a matter of life and death to millions around the world regardless of our opinions on matters they hold most dear. Let’s see them go to a derby in Glasgow (might have to wait on that), Belgrade or Cali and talk shit. Just ask Liverpool fans who are still waiting for answers and accountability for the Hillsborough disaster which happened over 20 years ago. Marouane Chamakh and Samir Nasri found out the hard way when they went to see Man City take on Arsenal at Emirates Stadium yesterday.

The former Arsenal players were accosted by fans who are still hurt as if player departures are the true source of their current plight. Video of them walking to the new Library was posted online and you can see it HERE (Language NSFW).

Those fans are just mad because Nasri and Chamakh want to get paid and win trophies. Well maybe definitely not Chamakh. Imagine if their beef was sectarian or political.

Incidents in Port Said, Glasgow, St. Petersburg and other places that use soccer as a proxy for fighting larger societal issues are what makes soccer so interesting and at the same time incredibly frustrating. Then again they sometimes just come down to sporting rivalries that get out of hand which make even less sense.

Let’s get something out of the way. Not knowing about stuff has never been an impediment to holding political office. Who cares if Jose Canseco doesn’t know how he would raise revenues without raising taxes let alone how to become a Canadian citizen? This should in no way prevent him from being mayor of Toronto.

The Star reports that Canseco is interested in replacing Rob Ford as mayor of Toronto.

“Can’t do enough on council,” Canseco, 48, wrote on Twitter. “I hear you are getting rid of mayor Ford on Monday. I love Toronto and will be glad to replace him.”

He outlined his potential platform in tweets to the Star at 1:17 a.m. on Friday. “Ford too much trouble to be effective,” he wrote. “Gotta fix budget, traffic, get new $ not from taxes, get more new businesses, and help schools.”

Ford could get bounced from office on Monday after being found guilty of violating the Municipal Conflicts of Interest Act.

An interim mayor could be appointed by the City Council but the better option would be a byelection. Imagine the debates leading up to the election. Canseco, IKEA monkey, Snow, Yunel Escobar, and Jarious Jackson would make for the best debate since Admiral Stockdale ran away with the 1992 Vice-Presidential debate.

There is the problem of the Canadian citizenship requirement but not knowing shit never stopped Canseco in the past. No reason for that to change.

Canseco, born in Cuba, is an American citizen, and, thus, ineligible to run in Toronto. But in another tweet to the Star, he said he plans to “work out the citizen thing.” His agent, Jose Melendez, added in an email that Canseco is not taking the matter lightly.

“He is serious about a run but as you know he doesn’t know the procedure for citizenship,” Melendez wrote.

If Gerard Depardieu can change citizenship with an executive order, Canseco can do the same. Yes I am implying that Canada works the same as Russia. Stephen Harper hates freedom like Putin.

Need exact guidelines of what I need to run for Toronto mayor and how long it takes to claim residency. #yeswecanseco

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 4, 2013

Perhaps it would help Canseco’s case if he offered to donate a portion of his Ponce de Canseco anti-aging drink proceeds to the city of Toronto. Never mind that it doesn’t exist. His Twitter pleas to Donald Trump, Warren Buffett and Mark Cuban should be all the assurance anyone needs to know that it’s real.

Help a brotha out, America Jr.

H/T to Bruce Arthur

Update: Daniel Dale of the Star reports that Canseco is already waffling on the citizenship issue. Who will step up and save his fledgling candidacy? Anvil? Howie Mandel? Jason Priestley? Sum 41? Nah, Dream Warriors.

Why the hell not? Americans don’t give a damn. Congress and state legislatures are populated by assclowns on both sides of the aisle. No one cares about qualified candidates anymore. In fact, being qualified for office is a disadvantage. “Oh you got you some book learnin’. The other guy said he’ll burn books. I like fire.” You better be against a whole lot of things and not know why. It’s amazing how cavalier people are when it comes to voting. Imagine if they were that nonchalant about their doctors. “She got a doctor coat on and said there’s something wrong with my neckbone. Sound legit to me. Apply gravy every four hours? Got it.”

I don’t know whether Carl Lewis is qualified for office but I don’t care. You don’t either. All you care about is whether you can have a steak and beer with him. Well you can’t. He’s a vegan. That should be a campaign killer especially in a Republican-leaning district but he’s likely running for state senate as a Democrat anyway.

Forget Lewis’ policies. Most voters don’t pay attention to the ones that really affect them. If they do, they don’t expect their representatives to have a firm grasp of the issues let alone address them in an intelligent or mature manner. If they did, our legislative bodies would look very different. Candidates just tell you what they think you want to hear anyway. Right, Mitt? People grab the superficial because it’s easier so that’s what they get. Let’s go to the video and see whether he can measure up to the tough standards of the New Jersey voter.

The 8th Legislative District leans Republican so whoever runs better not just love America. You better think we’re exceptional and God blesses us and no one else. What better way to show you love freedom than singing the national anthem.

It’s going to be tough going for Lewis running as a Democrat in the 8th. Being a vegan is not going to help him either. His opponents will compare him to Dennis Kucinich who at least has a hot wife (although no one knows how). Winning a couple gold medals isn’t going to do it. He better show that he’ll fight for his constituents.

A state senator who keeps his pimp hand strong is attractive. None of this limp wrist bullshit. Working out is good as well. Remember how former governor Corzine attacked Gov. Christie about his weight? No worries about that with a former Olympic gold medalist however the leotard and bubbles…

You’re set if you live in the 8th Legislative District. Forget the speeches, campaign fliers and debates. Everything you need to make an quick, uneducated decision is in this post. The Deuce does not offer political endorsements besides Luther Campbell for Miami-Dade County mayor so you’ll actually have to do some of this on your own. Pop pop that ballot! Breakdown!