Lobotomy-candidate and ordained asshole Mike Florio should be proud of himself. Only someone with a true absence of any integrity whatsoever would initiate a story about a hardrunning, Jesus-loving, truck towing, football player sitting out a game after losing 10-12 lbs. and flip it into an act of defiance in the midst of brutal contract negotiations. And then, in a culmination of his own efforts to cast doubt on the temerity of that player, and potentially irreparably harm the mutual hope at securing a deal, simply withdraw from the story.

To recap, Florio speculated on the story of Browns runningback Peyton Hillis sitting out a game because of strep throat. He specifically suggested that Hillis was sitting out the game, at least in part, because he was not signed to a long-term deal by the Browns. A few days later, ESPN evil leprechaun Adam Schefter offered a report by “anonymous sources” that said that teammates in the Browns locker room believed that Hillis was sitting out the game due to his contract negotiations not going well. Florio cited that report, and made no attempt to connect his speculative analysis preceding the report.

Florio then sent another note reporting on an appendectomy that Browns Center Alex Mack had the evening after a losing effort by the Browns against the Tennessee Titans. Florio took the story as an opportunity to remind his readers that Hillis had sat out with mere strep throat. Florio followed up that “report” with one that Hillis’ agent advised him not to play based on his illness, fanning the flames of a controversy that Florio created.

Rebutting anonymous sources, former Browns headcoach Eric Mangini completely refuted the notion that Hillis would sit out for a new deal, mentioning how Hillis continued to play despite injuries late last season. Current Browns head coach Pat Shurmur echoed that sentiment; along with teammates Greg Little, and Josh Cribbs. Hard to compete with “anonymous sources,” but it’s close.

Browns President Mike Holmgren has already admitted that they were working hard to sign Hillis to a long-term deal; and Hillis has never wavered from his desire to stay in Cleveland. When players sign new agents, the agents want to negotiate a new deal for the player because otherwise the agent doesn’t get paid, makes sense, right? Also, why not strike while the iron is hot. Still, Hillis had a great season last year, but injuries, and the lack of imagination slowed down his production towards the end of the season. Therefore, to what advent is it for him to sit out a game when another runningback who the Browns also really like, could be challenging him for playing time?

This level of speculation is apparently void from the creative mind of Mike Florio; who shoots first and never asks questions.

Finally, on Oct. 8, after planting the initial question that Hillis must be engaging in a negotiating tactic; Florio backpedaled quicker then Derrelle Revis with this little bit of “analysis:”

So even though it became a big story (especially in Cleveland), it’s apparently a non-story. Indeed, if the Browns had any reason to believe that Hillis didn’t play because of his contract, would team president Mike Holmgren agree to continue to have discussions on a long-term deal, at least until Hillis regains the franchise’s trust? We don’t think so.

Why do that when you can sit in your cozy New York office and just pontificate to the masses. Nice job creating a story, perpetuating a falsehood, and then declaring it to be a “nonstory.” You suck.

NBC was once a proud network in the days of Seinfeld and even Friends. But then NBC greenlit Joey, and Outsourced, and then they went through a very public divorce from Conan O’Brien, and well…it’s not been a good couple of years.

So now NBC is trying desperately to become the new home of all football news and as part of that mission/goal, they are giving unbearable, leprechaun, douche-fanboy Mike Florio more air and webtime. To his credit, Florio has turned his basic website, Profootballtalk.com, into a mini-empire. Dick Ebersol rarely misses on anything, so why would this be any different, right?

(fart noise)

Why, Florio is even appearing on television with Peter King! Florio also likes to try to create stories, or put his own spin on them. He also loves to brag about his influence in the industry.

In March 2010, after the NFL combine, Florio erroneously reported that Tim Tebow called for a prayer before the Wonderlic test and that someone told him to “Shut the F— up.”

Last January 2011, Florio lashed out at Packers QB Aaron Rodgers for allegedly ignoring a cancer-survivor fan who was seeking his autograph at the airport. Florio helped build the story through his site, and then when all the facts came out he walked it back, to his credit, like a man.

In March, while the lockout was going on, Florio predicted total calamity unless the parental NFL was restarted to keep their irresponsible adult-age players from committing unspeakable crimes.

A few weeks back, after week 1, Florio planted the idea that Matt Ryan was a choke artist, and that Ryan was going to shit the bed against the Eagles at home in the Georgia dome. That didn’t happen, and Florio didn’t say a word.

Now Florio is claiming that Peyton Hillis, the Madden coverboy and Jesus freak, sat out last Sunday’s victory over the winless-Miami Dolphins with strep throat over a contract extension that the Browns and Hillis’ representation are working to get done, despite evidence that Hillis, well, had strep throat and was sent home.

Though many will point to the Madden curse as a reason for Hillis missing a game due to a case of strep throat, we’re more inclined to wonder whether Hillis’ unwillingness to play was influenced in any way by the lack of a new contract. Hillis continues to earn the fourth-year minimum of $600,000. If the team had made a long-term commitment with a big-money bonus, would Hillis have been more willing to give it a try?

Maybe Hillis lost those 10-12 lbs. over the stress of negotiating a new contract with the Browns. Or maybe Florio just sucks.

Remember that scene in “Revenge of the Nerds” when Hiroshi is collecting all the Alpha Beta’s sweaty jocks after practice and Stan Gable pulls his over Takashi’s head. That’s Florio, except he went home and made a snow angel in them. Then called Stan’s house and breathed heavy into the phone.

The Madden curse is as real as that growth around Ron Mexico’s genitals, and players for years have proven it. Nevertheless, for a dying rust belt city in Ohio, the offseason is usually their Super Bowl.

Running back Peyton Hillis came out of nowhere last season for the Cleveland Browns, perpetually one of the worst teams in the NFL, to rush for 1,177 yards and 11 rushing TDs for 2010. Throw in the fact that he also caught 61 balls for 477 yards and 2 more TDs and the dude is legit. Finally, he wrestles wild boars, and drags pick up trucks around for fun. Is Peyton Hillis an X-Man? Yes, probably.

Do Magneto’s bidding, Cleveland Plain Dealer:

The Browns have not won a championship in 47 years, so this is a minor victory for the luckless team. However, Hillis now must contend with the legendary “Madden Cover Curse.” Players who appear on the cover of the video game have typically suffered a decline in production the following season, often because of injury.
Hillis, however, laughed at the suggestion of a curse, while EA Sports senior product manager Anthony Stevenson contends the game’s previous bad luck and the troubles experienced by the Browns franchise will cancel each other out.

“If you put the two together, the Browns make the playoffs,” Stevenson said. “I’m going to go ahead and go with that.”

As a native Clevelander I can tell you that will absolutely NOT happen. It’s more likely that I will show up for Maury Povich to take my paternity test sober and willing to peacefully accept the results then Hillis dominating again.