I began fearing the potential of a “Harbowl” over a year ago. Last winter, we received a reprieve from that dreadful moniker but alas, no such luck this season. On Sunday evening, when it was all but certain Baltimore would advance to play San Francisco in Super Bowl XLVII, I tried to find a rooting interest. I reviewed all of the salient points — I once lived in Baltimore for three years; my favorite quarterback of all time is Joe Montana; like me, Steve Young is a handsome, dark-haired attorney; and also like me, Joe Flacco fights to protect facial boundaries from an aggressive unibrow. But I’ll be damned if I couldn’t find one legitimate reason why I’d want either team to win: they are both easily detestable. Let’s break it down:

So basically what you’re telling me is that I’m left with picking between Patrick Willis and Steve Bischotti? Perhaps an exciting Harbaugh Bowl SuperBaugh Brother Bowl Super Bowl XLVII just wasn’t meant to be: from replacement refs to head trauma to the coaching carousel, maybe the NFL is just having an off-year. Maybe, Roger Goodell can start making the Super Bowl more meaningful by bringing back the sweet location-themed logos. Either way, I have a week to make this game interesting. Otherwise, it’s going to be up to bourbon and/or gambling. Please don’t make me go there, Rog!

There’s not much better than Kenny Powers introducing a new running shoe that actually is doing the running man. At least I don’t think there is. Sure it’s a giant, shameless ad for some K-Swiss shoes, yeah i get that, you know what? I don’t care.  Kenny Powers is always funny.  FACT. If this is the future of advertising then sign my ass up. Plus it has Patrick Willis tackling a wildebeest.  I mean, i can’t make this up, only Kenny Powers can.  Oh, and Bruce Lee makes a cameo. Don’t even pretend to be not curious about this video. Watch and enjoy bitches.