Ex-THE Ohio State University QB Terrelle Pryor has had a rough couple weeks. First, his coach gets sacked (bites down on cigar, arches eyebrows), then he shows up to a team meeting in Nissan 350Z while he is under investigation by both the NCAA and OSU; then his friends start snitching (hasn’t ‘Melo taught us anything, people?). Pryor’s ex-homie and possible future-gun-violence-victim says Pryor got up to $1,000 for signed memorabilia. Now, it looks like Terrelle’s NFL payday may go on lay-a-way for a stint in the XFL UFL.

Later Tuesday night, “Outside the Lines” reporters Tom Farrey and Justine Gubar reported that a friend of Pryor’s, who requested anonymity, says he witnessed the quarterback autographing memorabilia in 2009-10 a minimum of 35 to 40 times and that Pryor netted anywhere from $20,000 to $40,000 last year for doing so.

Average NFL salary(for rookies): $330,000
Average UFL salary: $50,000

I found some article that said UFL QBs get paid $200,000. But that was before we found out the UFL was stiffing its talent. Long story short, Pryor could have signed a few more mini-footballs and jerseys and covered the difference.

The Ohio State University has been annoying college football fans for years. A phantom pass interference call brought Columbus a National Championship in 2002. Ohio State routinely produces busty NFL players like Bobby Carpenter, Troy Smith, and Brian Robiskie. Finally, the Buckeyes carry a smug attitude and try to pretend they are better then conferences like the SEC because they won’t “stoop” to the same depths.

We’re not naive. College sports is big business, like mail-order brides, or creepy Japanese kiddie(ish)-porn, and twice as sleazy. So, when it turns out that the ass-clown in the red vest is just as dirty as everybody else you can’t help but smile. Sure, Tressel didn’t bribe any recruits to come to Ohio State, but he did sit on lie about information about his players selling their gear for tattoos (pretty much a requirement in order to reside in Ohio). He also keeps losing in big games against teams that are not Michigan.

This week, the NCAA called out the most annoying program (besides Duke) in college sports, publishing a Notice of Allegations. Ohio State now has until July 5 to respond and is scheduled to appear before the NCAA Committee on Infractions at its Aug. 12 meeting in Indianapolis.

Make me feel better about my alma mater, ESPN:

In a 13-page indictment of Tressel’s behavior, the NCAA alleged that Tressel had “permitted football student-athletes to participate in intercollegiate athletics while ineligible.” It also said he “failed to deport himself … [with] honesty and integrity” and said he was lying when he filled out a compliance form in September which said he had no knowledge of any NCAA violations by any of his players.

(Scooby’s ears perk up) Ruh-Roh!

Ohio State was not cited for the most serious of institutional breaches since Tressel hid information from his superiors for more than nine months. The university has 90 days to respond to the ruling body of college sports’ request for information before a scheduled date before the NCAA’s committee on infractions on Aug. 12 in Indianapolis.

(orgasm face) Okay….just one more:

Tressel is mentioned throughout the Notice of Allegations, which alleges that the coach “failed to deport himself in accordance with the honesty and integrity normally associated with the conduct and administration of intercollegiate athletics as required by NCAA legislation and violated ethical-conduct legislation when he failed to report information concerning violations of NCAA legislation and permitted football student-athletes to participate in intercollegiate athletics competition when ineligible.” Again, this isn’t a revelation, but the NCAA clearly isn’t pleased with the coach. It would be truly surprising if Tressel doesn’t get hit with additional penalties.

Tomorrow, the Deuce will be on the scene in Columbus to speak to Coach Tressel regarding these allegations. We were told we could find him in a pickup truck outside the Ohio State practice facility. We were also told if we see a loaded shotgun next to him and an envelope addressed to his family on the dashboard, not to worry, he’s not a threat to others.

I mean…unless you had dreams of playing well in the NFL someday.

This was not the week to bet on black. Wesley Snipes finally reported to prison to start serving a three-year sentence for tax evasion. Vampires everywhere must be thrilled. Iowa receiver Derrell Johnson-Koulianos thought he could take Nino’s place and turn his home into a drug house. It’s unclear if a crackhead infiltrated the operation but it suffered the same fate as the Carter Apartments.

Johnson-Koulianos, Iowa’s all time leading receiver in yards and receptions, was arrested along with his roommate Bradley Johnson after police raided their house on Tuesday.

Johnson-Koulianos, a Campbell, Ohio, native, faces seven charges: four counts of possession of controlled substances, two counts of unlawful possession of prescription drugs and one count of keeping a drug house. These are all misdemeanors.

Investigators found more than $3,000 in cash, marijuana, cocaine and prescription drugs in the house during the search, police said. The circumstances which prompted the search were not known Tuesday night.

Officers located a small amount of marijuana in Johnson-Koulianos’ bedroom. Upon arrest, Johnson-Koulianos told police he smokes marijuana and that he’d smoked it within the past 24 hours.

Ice-T was unavailable for comment. Hopefully someone on the Iowa City police force uttered a line as hilariously stupid as “I want to shoot you so bad, my dick’s hard“.

Needless to say, Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz suspended the senior and first team all-Big Ten receiver from all activities.

As of Wednesday, Johnson-Koulianos was ranked 32nd among wide receivers entering next year’s NFL draft by cbssports.com. I have no idea where Mel Kiper and Todd McShay had him before his arrest but I’ll be damned if I sign up for ESPN Insider again. I made that mistake once and it was like I was being stalked by ESPN The Magazine. Let’s be honest. It isn’t even good bathroom reading and I was tired of answering questions about why I subscribed to it every time a guest used my bathroom. “I swear I didn’t know it was part of the deal!” I digress.

To say Johnson-Koulianos’ stock is plummeting would be an understatement. Good thing Adrian Clayborn will represent Iowa in the first round because he won’t sniff the draft let alone a training camp invite. If teams (well, the Dolphins) were concerned that Dez Bryant’s mom was a whore, imagine what they’ll think of him. This goes way beyond the a Ricky Stanzi party.

Johnson-Koulianos has destroyed his immediate NFL prospects. Although he wasn’t one of the top ranked receivers in the 2011 draft, he had a legitimate shot of being a late draft pick or getting a training camp invite. From there who knows what could have happened. There’s the loss of potential income and the ability to take care of himself and family for life. However this story is bigger than the loss of money or professional status.

Johnson-Koulianos tested positive for marijuana and cocaine. Most people will talk about him sullying Iowa’s reputation or chances in the Insight Bowl. Ferentz’s coaching this season did more to affect the former than his top receiver. He has some major personal issues to sort out before thinking about getting back on the football field regardless of how the legal issues sort out.

Officers … reported finding “electronic media” showing Johnson-Koulianos in possession of cocaine and marijuana, complaints state.

Let’s put the utter disregard for discretion aside at the moment. Johnson-Koulianos was taking so many different drugs that the court should order treatment as part of any sentence. In addition to weed and coke, he also admitted to taking various prescription drugs that he obtained from “friends” without a prescription. Maybe he had a BMOC complex. Perhaps he never saw anything wrong with what he was doing. Many will say he did it to himself and he deserves whatever punishment he gets. It is his fault but he obviously needs help. Does Iowa owe him anything for his contributions to the football program? It’s about helping a young kid get his life together before he throws it away. Look what happened to Maurice Clarett after Ohio State kicked him to the curb. They got what they wanted out of him then tried to forget he ever existed. Forget prison. He’s playing in the UFL with Jeff Garcia. Is that what Johnson-Koulianos wants for himself? Omaha?

Hopefully Ferentz and rest of the Hawkeye football program will support Johnson-Koulianos through this and he’ll come out of this having learnt something before it’s done. Hey hey hey! It’s a bit more serious than an episode of Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids and the UFL but you get the point.