Sorry, it’s not Battleship. The NCAA doesn’t deal with that club mess. Don’t get excited. It’s not going to be a football game. They’re talkin’ basketball.

North Carolina will play Michigan State on an aircraft carrier if the two schools are able to work out a deal. The game would take place on Veterans’ Day. Roy Williams mentioned the possibility on his radio show earlier this week. Officials from both schools admitted that negotiations are taking place between them as well as “the US government and a promoter”. Let’s pray that the promoter is Don King.

Fuck your couch and tennis court. This is a brilliant idea. I see two possible scenarios. Both have some collateral damages but my goodness, the tension and excitement for the rest of us.

They’ll probably hold flights off during the game so there’s little chance of players getting nailed by incoming or departing aircraft. The more likely case would probably involve a player diving for a ball and falling off the flight deck. They might catch some net or hit the water where they’re swarmed by great whites. Sharks, not Thomas Jefferson or Winston Churchill. It’ll be just like playing at Vanderbilt. You know you watch a Commodores game hoping to see something like that happen (minus the sharks…unless they can make that happen). Then again it’s a large assumption that you watch Vanderbilt basketball unless they’re playing your team or you went there.

The more ideal scenario involves an Under Siege type situation breaking out. Everyone’s distracted and getting ready for the event. It’s a big time basketball game instead of some Cher type singer. You know, something non-gay sailors would get excited about. I refuse to believe any crew in any navy would get that pumped if Cher performed live on their ship. Maybe if they were stranded at sea for three years. Sorry, I digress.

In the commotion, a group of bad guys sneaks on board and manages to take control of the ship. Obviously a disgruntled ex-officer who was dishonorably discharged at the least. It’s up to some Steven Segal type and a MSU player to rally and save the rest of the crew and spectators. Maybe that’s more Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (good to see Morris Chesnut working again). I suppose Tom Izzo should be in the party. He shows some old skills, kills one of the bad guys and saves the rest of the crew who are locked up in a hold. No way Roy Williams makes it. He chokes way too much to survive the whole thing. A pipe will fall on his head just when he thinks he’s made it out or something like that.

Final fight scene? You know it’s a knife fight on the bridge.

Playing a basketball game on an aircraft carrier is a great idea. No doubt but why stop there. There’s so much potential to make it even better. Let’s hope UNC and MSU get this done.

What’s that great line from Payback? “Give me back my son!” Sorry, wrong movie. Whatever. Payback sucked anyway. You know what else sucks? Michigan’s defense and running game.

Who can forget Michigan’s Mike Hart calling out Michigan State by referring to them as Michigan’s “little brother”? The Spartans proceeded to beat that Wolverine ass and Mike Hart faded into Bolivian along with the rest of the Michigan football program. Unfortunately this year has seen the revival of Michigan football. No, the emergence of Denard Robinson. They were on a roll until they ran up against Michigan State and got worked like a rented mule again.

A State fan decided to make a commemorative video for everyone’s enjoyment outside of Ann Arbor. Enjoy “Bow Down Big Sister”.

Anything mocking Michigan gets the Deuce’s stamp of approval. They are who we thought they were. A one-man team led by a corrupt sack of a coach. Don’t believe us? Ask West Virginia what they think of him.

Kansas are who we should have thought they were. It’s hard to feel sorry for the Jayhawks. I have nothing specific against them but I get sincere pleasure out of watching them lose in the tournament every year. It was especially enjoyable to watch them fold against Northern Iowa this past weekend. I thought Roy Williams was back in the hot seat until I saw Bill Self standing by the bench. Bill, you are my son.

Let’s give credit where it’s due and congratulate the Panthers on their massive victory. Hopefully they got their sex panther on when they returned to Cedar Falls. Ali Farokhmanesh will be the face of their improbable tournament run but little has been made of the mythical monster taking up space in the middle. Sasquatch, also known as Jordan Eglseder, made quick work of Cole Aldrich down low. Michigan State better bring Hogzilla or the Chupacabra if they intend to stop the Panthers from making the Elite Eight.

Unfortunately the Spartans might have to rely on a kid named Lucious. He ripped out Maryland’s heart Temple of Doom-style and prevented Route 1 from turning into white Mogadishu for a night. However he’ll have his work cut out for him as his team is limping into the Sweet 16 with a plethora (plethora) of injuries.

“We’re going to need everybody we have in uniform to step up,” [Michigan State head coach Tom] Izzo said. “There were times we had two walk-ons, a freshman and a sophomore on the court Sunday and that probably won’t be the last time in the tournament. Northern Iowa is good, but thank God they’re not a team that presses like Maryland.”

Those could be famous last words. Ask Kansas about UNI’s defense. Don’t make the Sasquatch angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.