Monday, June 7th, 2010 at
We’re not sayin’, we’re just sayin’. Baseball fans still don’t know why Ken Griffey Jr. was crying in the locker room. If we had to make an uneducated guess, we’d guess that Mariner Moose had a hand in it.
Moose experts warn that people should keep their distance from moose especially when they’re in heat. Mariners fan Victor Aguilar found this out the hard way after he had his ass handed to him in a sack by the Moose.
Aguilar attempted to get a picture with the Seattle mascot but claimed that he received a beatdown instead.
“I was going to go like this (showing an embracing arm) to take a picture with him (the Mariner Moose) when he pushed me out of the way, and hit my arm and neck, and hit my stomach,” he said.
The Moose then walked off, Aguilar said, leaving him and those around him completely baffled.
“I was like, ‘What’s going on?’” he said. “There were more people there, and they were like, ‘What’s his deal? Why’d he do that to you?”‘
Aguilar wants the Mariners to pay the medical bill that he incurred after the alleged incident. He also wants the Moose to be disciplined. I’m no moose farmer or anything but I’m pretty sure you don’t discipline a moose. Quite the opposite. He should have watched “When Moose Attack” or read “What To Do About Aggressive Moose” from the Alaska Department of Fish and Game. You step to a moose and you get dealt with. That’s how it do in the Emerald City. Forget Jesus. Nobody fucks with the Moose. That goes for first ballot Hall of Famers too.
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010 at
Pete Townshend will be pissed that The Who aren’t in Vancouver this coming weekend. The Winter Olympics kick off in two days and the opening ceremony will be full of weed and Triad-y good times. No Olympic opening or closing ceremony is complete without the presence of official mascots. Quatchi, Sumi, Miga, Mukmuk and Pedobear will be there to help Canada welcome viewers to the city that cursed the world with Nickelback. Wait. Pedobear?
Polish newspaper Gazeta Olsztynska mistakenly included Pedobear in an image with the official Vancouver Olympic mascots.
Pedobear, who is on the far right of the picture, was originally devised by members of the anarchic 4chan message board as a way of mocking users who expressed a sexual interest in young people.
Since then a tasteless internet trend – or meme – has emerged in which users insert the bear into other photos in a contest to create the most inappropriate composite image.
The mascots were inspired by “traditional native creatures”. I’m not an expert on Native American culture or creatures but I think it’s safe to assume that the pedobear was not roaming the Pacific Northwest before Paleface came and stole the land. Maybe it was a mythical creature used to scare children into behaving. “Settle down otherwise Pedobear will come in the night on a horse and ravage you like Gary Glitter, Hopping Beaver.” It’s time for Chris Hansen and Cam’ron to stop this Pedobear from ruining the greatest thing to happen to Canada since poutine and Alex Trebek.