It was only last month when many of you were crying about the Mayan apocalypse. You should have seen people chilling in Australia. They’ve been in training for the inevitable all their lives. Don’t believe me? Watch the Mad Max documentary series. It’s as if David Attenborough decided to focus on humans for a change.

There are basic survival rules every Australian learns from childhood. Rule #3: Always keep your head on a swivel. You never know when danger will come or where it’ll come from. ACT Brumbies scrumhalf Nic White learned his lesson when he was “king-hit” at a music festival.

ACT Brumbies scrumhalf Nic White needed surgery on a fractured jaw after he was king-hit at the Foreshore music festival on November 24.

The Brumbies have cleared the 22-year-old of any wrongdoing and claimed he was struck once from behind.

Brumbies chief executive Andrew Fagan said the Super Rugby club investigated the incident soon after it happened and that White didn’t press charges with police because he didn’t see who his attacker was.

”Nic was the victim of an unprovoked assault in which he was king-hit when struck once at Foreshore through no fault of his own,” Fagan said.

King-hit is Australian for getting knocked the fuck out. An example.

White wasn’t the only one getting into it at the music festival. The Canberra Raiders’ Blake Ferguson was spotted spitting on concert goers and had to be “escorted” out of the VIP area by security.

Say what you will but news of these incidents is encouraging. Australian rugby has come along way in the past couple years. I’ll take spitting on people and getting knocked out at music festivals over rugby players getting blowjobs from dogs any day.

Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry better watch out. Michael Turner’s coming at them with a vengeance. Roger Goodell and Peter King can check their fake indignation. No bounties are involved unless one counts child support.

Police were called to Turner’s house after his current girlfriend attacked his baby mama with a move that would have made Elin Woods proud.

According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, [Rasheeda] Walker claims she has 2 children with Turner and is “upset because he refuses to see them.” She also claims she’s pregnant with Turner’s 3rd child and wanted to talk to him about the situation.

Walker told cops she knocked on the front door … only to be ambushed by Turner’s new GF Elizabeth Delacruz … who was wielding a golf club and shouting, “YOU AT MY HOUSE NOW B*TCH.”

Walker claims she grabbed the golf club away from Delacruz and the two began to fight … until 5’10″, 244-pound Turner came outside and broke the whole thing up.

What’s the lesson here? Never go out with a shapeshifter. Delacruz went from Elin Woods to Brenda Richie just like that. She’s like a female Manimal. Whoa.

One has to appreciate Turner’s delegation of authority among his women. You strictly for the baby making and you for the sexin’. Never the twain shall meet unless it’s in the front yard and a battle to the death. Perhaps he should consider constructing a Thunderdome in the front yard for times like these. No need for law enforcement as what happens in Thunderdome stays in Thunderdome.

Hats off as well to the Avoid the Shorties strategy. Not seeing the kids means not having to remember their names or naming them the same thing.