If the digital age has taught us anything its that athletes are complex individuals; often capable of trenchant, thought-provoking, musings over forums like Facebook, and especially Twitter.  Over…dong shots.  We can only wonder, then, why so many of them choose to employ publicists, agents, and armies of people to protect their precious images.

Rebound relationship and Cleveland Cavaliers rookie guard Kyrie Irving told police yesterday that a 24-year-old model and Bronx resident was harassing him via twitter.

Irving, 19, filed a harassment complaint against Jessica Jackson, a 24-year-old Bronx resident who he met on Twitter under the username @MissHawaii, police said.

The basketball star told police that Jackson, a model, contacted him via Twitter earlier today, violating the no contact order issued by West Orange Municipal Judge Margaret Pavovano on Tuesday.

According to the police report, Irving said he received “terroristic threats” from Jackson between March 22 and May 17. He filed a harassment complaint May 17.

Blacksportsonline is now reporting that Miss Hawaii, real name Jessica Jackson, may actually be a call girl (bow tie spins, eyes pop out of head).  She claims she has video of Kyrie flogging the bishop, too.  Wait, you mean to tell me that a professional athlete was associating with a person reportedly in the sex trade!?

The site also reports that Miss Hawaii sent a series of threatening messages to Irving, and even made comments about his deceased mother. I usually just ask them to walk me around like I’m a pony and put cigarettes out on my tongue.

Much like when I speak with my parents, spend time with my kids, or treat women like equals, it’s unusual for me to take in the NBA draft. Not when there are UFC fights to watch; or when the NFL Network is yakking away about the subjective 100 best players of 2011 were; and then criticizing their own list. But tonight, when my beloved Cleveland Cavaliers were going no. 1 overall, I figured I would clothespin my nose for Wilbon and company just to see who we picked up.

Kyrie Irving, welcome to Cleveland. Don’t welch on a dice game like other former Cleveland athletes.

Make me forget Lebron James, ESPN:

Three of the first six players taken were from Europe, capitalizing on the absence of some American college players who might have gone in their spots and made this a stronger draft. It was the first time four international players who didn’t play at a U.S. college were selected in the lottery.

Even Irving has international ties. He was born in Australia while his father, Drederick, played professionally there and said he might be interested in playing for the Australian national team.

I can’t even pronounce most of these names! This is America, people. Why isn’t Rick Perry running against Obamacare? (Downs whiskey, fires .45 into television set, passes out).