While the rest of the U.S. had a four-day work week, the world of professional sports put in a month’s worth of headlines.  Between walk-off broken legs and “slutty” tennis players, it was one to remember.  So enough with the talk and on to the headlines:

• The Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Boston Celtics in Game 1 of the NBA Finals.

Sam Smithmade a great point this week: this might be the worst Lakers-Celtics match-up in the history of the rivalry – and I tend to agree.  The Lakers have one sure-fire Hall of Famer in Kobe, but that’s about it.  Gasol, Odom, and Artest are nice players, but they’re far from the Magics, Kareems, Worthys and Shaqs that have defined Laker championship teams in the past.  As for Boston, they had a compelling squad two years ago, but after a 23-5 start this season, they literally hobbled to a 27-27 finish.  And in what world does Doc Rivers win two NBA Championships?  And how did I manage to write this much about the NBA playoffs?  I didn’t even watch this game!  Regardless, hardly an awe-inspiring match-up…

• After 22 seasons and 630 homeruns (5^thall-time), Ken Griffey Jr. retired from Major League Baseball.

After the “napping incident” from three weeks ago, the writing was on the wall for Griffey.  As the last relic of the steroid era, his retirement symbolically restores the balance of power between hitters and pitchers.  While guys like McGwire and Sosa played juiced and put up atmospheric home run totals, Griffey was quietly accumulating legitimate back-to-back 56 homerun seasonsand playing MVP-calibre defense in centerfield.  KGJ will be remembered for a lot of things, but he’s still the only player in the history of Camden Yards to hit the B&O Warehouse in right field on the fly… ever… including batting practice.  That’s elite company right there.  The retirement also affirms that people born before 1980 are old – I still remember this Sports Illustrated sitting on my Dad’s dresser.

• Armando Galarraga’s perfect game was ruined by a bad call from first base umpire Jim Joyce.

All the stories about how professionalJoyce and Galarraga acted in the aftermath of Wednesday’s game are nice to hear, but it doesn’t quite quench my thirst for TNT real-time drama.  I thought we might get something if Bud Selig decided to alter the record books and save the day, but evidently, Bud is no sentimentalist.  Here’s another shocker: Bud dropped the ball.  While overturning calls is usually a bad idea, there’s a unique opportunity here for Air Bud to take a chance and win back some popularity.  Here’s what we have: a clear, unassailable mistake made by the umpire with absolutely no doubt (from anyone) that Galarraga tossed the perfecto.  Selig should use this game as a benchmark and state:

“We’ve decided to use this occasion to institute far-reaching umpire reform that includes instant replay for run-scoring and game-ending plays.  Furthermore, instead of making Galarraga and Joyce suffer, we’re going to retroactively give them the benefit of our new policy and award Galarraga the perfect game.” 

Galarraga and the Tigers get the perfect game, Joyce gets a reprieve, Bud looks proactive (for once) and baseball gets better: everyone wins.  Baseball is a great sport and its rigidity is one of the things that makes fans love it, but seriously, Bud should bend the rules here a little bit. 

• Reggie Wayne’s ex-girlfriend allegedly racked up $95,000 worth of fraudulent credit card charges.

And the NFL off-season hit parade continues.  Let me also state that in the real world, if someone steals something from you, you don’t get to take a few weeks off to try and figure it out. 

• BaltimoreOrioles manager Dave Trembley will reportedly be fired Friday.  UPDATE: He gone.

You almost felt sorry for Trembley because it seemed like he was dying insideeach time the Orioles lost another game.  Media Mob-driven manager firings never made sense to me, especially in this case when no one expected this team to do very much in 2010 anyway.  While the young hitters like Adam Jones and Matt Wieters haven’t really progressed, that’s on hitting coach Terry Crowley, not Trembley.  Unfortunately, this probably means I’m going to lose a bet I placed with a friend that the Orioles would win at least 75 games this year.  I hope he likes cheap bourbon.

• Duke basketball Coach Mike Krzyzewski reiterated his lack of interest in coaching professional basketball.

Let me make this abundantly clear: I hate Duke.  For oh-so many reasons.  I once wore a Duke Blue Devils hat in 6^thgrade to impress my Duke-loving teacher and I’ve never forgiven myself for it.  I know a number of wonderful, intelligent Duke alumni who I consider friends, but I can’t warm up to their alma mater.  With all of that on the table, college basketball needs Coach K.  The ACC, more than ever, needs Coach K.  Maryland, North Carolina, and every other college in the Tar Heel state needs Coach K.  Any team hiring K would also be taking a rather expensive risk: he’s 63 years-old and has never coached in the NBA.  Yes, he’s a great Olympic coach, but last time I checked, Spain and Argentina weren’t exactly operating with a roster full of NBA All-Stars.

• The Pac-10 has reportedly offered six Big 12 schools an opportunity to join its conference.

When the ACC added Boston College, Miami and Virginia Tech 7 years ago, it set a dangerous precedent for future conferences: expand for more cash.  While the ACC may be a more profitable conference because of it, the quality of competition has drastically decreased as well as the athletic profiles of many of its schools.  The Big East, once a beacon of college sports in the northeast, is now a ginormous monstrosity that sucks up crappy football teams at the expense of their basketball programs.  Now, the Pac-10 and Big Ten are waging a battle to see who can build the next “Super Conference” all in the name of making a buck.  Frankly, it sucks.  Bigger isn’t always better – and it’s too bad that schools are herded together like this.  Personally, I blame Notre Dame.

That’s it for this week.  Have a great weekend and say some prayers or do a dance for John Wooden.  He’s a man among men.

So I think it’s safe to say the 2010 Seattle Mariners’ season has officially derailed.  Amid Cliff Lee’s injury, their clean-up hitter’s personal problems, and a sleepy Hall of Famer, the team is holding down last place in the AL West with an offense that defines “anemic.”  Early Tuesday afternoon, the right-handed version of Griffey, Mike Sweeney, threatened to fight the entire team.  This is assuming he can make it out of the lockeroom without being placed on the 15-day DL. 
 
Many “pundits” spent Spring Training calling Seattle GM Jack Zduriencik a “genius,” but that distinction now looks dubious at best.  Despite the need to prevent Sweeney from roundhouse-kicking his way through the clubhouse, they have to find their way out of the Griffey situation: a $2.35M commitment to the franchise’s greatest player… who hasn’t been an effective full-timer since 2007 (and has no desire to hang it up).  This has PR disaster written all over it.
 
Among Major League executives, for every Billy Beane and Andrew Friedman, there are still folks like Ruben Amaro and Zduriencik: general managers who fail to make dispassionate decisions and are apt to commit millions of dollars to players who exhibit little quantitative value but possess intangible skills like “grit” and “guts.”  They fall for nostalgia and sentimentality, feelings that are more appropriate for an ex-girlfriend as opposed to an aged outfielder who can’t play.  Anyone who watched Griffey’s 2009 season knew he was done: his .214 batting average, .735 OPS and 19 homeruns were barely passable for a DH on a poor team — much less one that envisioned itself as a contender in 2010.  Even his teammates knew it: after the team’s last homestand in 2009 they carried Griffey off the field.  When he came back to Seattle looking for a place to play in 2010, for some reason, the team obliged.
 
Griffey may be holding on for selfish reasons, but he deserves a lot better than to be made to look like the tired old man who was too sleepy to pinch hit.  Zduriencik and club president Chuck Armstrong made the mistake to bring Junior back, now they should have to live with it.