There is a school of thought, often associated with U.S. Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas, that the U.S. Constitution was a rigid document that only asks that we look to its text within the context of what our founding fathers intended. This notion is commonly referred to in legal circles as “intentionalism” or “originalism.”

Well, somebody slap a powdered wig on Dana White’s bald head and then put a quill pen into his nongrappling hand because the UFC has filed suit against the state of New York seeking access to the mecca of fight markets.

Work to guard and then sink in a gulliotine, FOX Sports:

Zuffa LLC, which owns the UFC, filed a lawsuit in US district court against New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman and Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. seeking a declaration that the ban violates the First Amendment.

Spokesmen for Schneiderman and Vance declined to comment.

The company was joined in the lawsuit by fans and a group of mixed martial arts fighters, who “have suffered, and will continue to suffer, irreparable harm” under the ban.

“Live professional MMA is clearly intended and understood as public entertainment and, as such, is expressive activity protected by the First Amendment,” the lawsuit said.

Gee, I asked to nobody in particular as I read this article. “Could this perhaps have anything to do with the recent partnership between UFC and FOX, whose parent company, NEWSCorp is headquartered in Manhattan? Turns out that the answer is “yes.”

The lawsuit comes as the sport is broadening its audience. In August, Fox Broadcasting Co. and the UFC entered into a seven-year deal that includes four fights a year on broadcast television and will pay the promoter at least $100 million annually. (The first fight aired Saturday, and, according to Fox, drew 5.7 million viewers.)

UFC, which hosts its fights inside a chain-link cage dubbed “The Octagon,” holds about 27 live events each year, according to the complaint.

UFC has wanted a crack at the NYC market for years and every time they go even remotely near NYC they hold a media day in the city.

The entire 105-page complaint can be read here…I mean if you’re into reading (nerd). The UFC lawsuit has names like Gina Carano, Jon “Bones” Jones, Frankie Edgar, and Matt Hamill attached to it. Fundamentally, the UFC is claiming that their right to artistic expression is being unlawfully suppressed by the N.Y. law, and that this right is manifested in the First Amendment freedom of expression.

More traditionally, the UFC also is asserting that the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment is being violated; which extends federal rights to all citizens; as well as the Commerce clause located in Article IV of the U.S. Constitution. Specifically, the Commerce clause protects the right of businesses to operate in other states absent a substantial reason for restricting that business. The bar proving a “substantial” reason is historically difficult though, like getting laid in high school.

Settlement negotiations have not yet begun but there is some speculation that White will offer to settle the dispute by a winner-take-all octagon match with N.Y. Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.

Lyoto Machida is going to get a shot at Jon Bones Jones at UFC 140, blue balling the deliciousness of the grudge match between Rashad Evans and Lyoto Machida that is a terrific excuse to get a keg, invite your friends over, and reconfigure the descrambler on your television.

It sucks, but when Mr. Clean calls it on Twitter we all fall into line, unless you are Lyoto Machida and a rematch with Rashad Evans at UFC 133 is pending after Phil Davis was injured. Then, you just ask for “Anderson Silva money.” They’re both Brazilian, right? Then, how much can that really be!? (reads Economist, learns of Brazil’s growing global economic competitiveness).

To be fair, both fighters are training with Steven Seagal; the same man who made Richie Madano pay for shooting Bobby Lupo.

It doesn’t hurt matters that Dana White has no problem dismissing the UFC ranking system; we now get to see Lyoto Machida take on Jones instead of the grudge match with Evans. To be completely fair though, Evans is not 100 percent yet from his fight with Ortiz.

Taste the sad ESPN:

In 19 professional fights, only Jackson and Rua have beaten Machida. It was Rua who handed Machida his first professional loss and ended his brief reign as UFC light heavyweight champion on May 8, 2010.

During his most recent appearance inside the cage, Machida (17-2) ended his two-fight skid with a first-round knockout of Randy Couture at UFC 129. That bout was held April 30 in Toronto.

“Stylistically, he matches up well with Jones,” Machida’s manager, Ed Soares, told ESPN.com. “The guys Jones has been fighting stand in front of him.

“The way Machida moves around the Octagon makes him a different type of fighter. Lyoto has the tools and the experience and the techniques to be able to beat Jon Jones.”

Jones has an 84.5″ wingspan, he could stand outside the octagon and still stick Machida.

Elderly eskimo-woman and weight watchers fugitive Steven Seagal is an MMA god. Seagal has worked with super-fighter and middleweight champion Anderson Silva, as well as former light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida in his comeback win over the now-retired Randy Couture. With the exception of most Subway $5 footlongs, anything this guy touches becomes bigger and stronger.

This is in spite of the fact that Seagal’s martial arts discipline is Aikido, a defensive martial art, that over time has blended with some judo, that works best against smaller opponents and requires little physical strength to execute. It’s mostly redirecting an attacker’s energy and not a really aggressive discipline. That is why every Seagal movie shows him snapping people’s arms or throwing them into glass windows. Like there were thousands of glass windows aboard that submarine in Under Siege!

As we mentioned earlier, Seagal’s been volunteering to do laundry and buy green M&M’s for mentor MMA fighters, including UFC-living-legend Anderson Silva. Silva credited Seagal with a bizarre front kick that he used to finish Vitor Belfort at UFC 126. It turns out that Seagal asked Jon Bones Jones’ camp if he could address the champ before his fight with Rampage Jackson, no dice, according to Jones.

But Seagal still showed up as a spectator for UFC 135 and even gave an interview afterwards. The whole interview is pretty lame but perhaps worth a listen. Seagal takes the contrarian view that Jones didn’t look his best, despite the overwhelming interpretation otherwise, and that this was best he has ever seen Rampage look. Fair enough, I didn’t see the fight, but I do know that Rampage has never been known as a ring technician, he’s basically a boxer with some wrestling/slams, and Jones’ lines up well against that type of fight base.

Seagal also disagrees with Rogan’s take that this is the best that Jones has looked but at least Rogan’s been at all the fights, and even spars with many of the fighters. What would Rogan know anyway, though. Has he ever killed Screwface, and his twin brother? I don’t think so.

This video is worth a second look, like parody porn.

Although I was very much looking forward to UFC 135 I have to confess I didn’t get to see it. You see, my expense account with the Deuce is under investigation and WHAT AM I MADE OF MONEY??? Okay sorry to fly off the handle like that, but I get cranky when I don’t see my fights.

Well, it looks like this Jon “Bones” Jones character, who talks like Phil Jackson and fights like Anderson Silva, may actually be pretty good. Rampage Jackson literally lived in the gym for two months for this fight but went out in the first submission loss of his career, a rear naked choke that only sounds dirty but is actually quite lethal.

Next up for Jones is likely a fight with former friend and mentor Rashad Evans, who was technically the number 1 contender after beating Rampage last year.

Courtesy of FOXSPORTS.com:

It didn’t take Jones long to end that notion. Jones opened up a cut above Jackson’s right eye with an elbow in the third round and it was pretty much all over from there.

With his win, Jones may just be bringing stability back to the division. The belt has switched hands a number of times since Jackson last won the crown in 2007.

Down the road, Jones will face Rashad Evans, who was taking in the fight from the seats.

Evans knows Jones quite well — and there’s no love lost between them.

He was friends and training partners with Jones before a falling out led to some bitter feelings.

The low-key Jones beat Mauricio “Shogun” Rua last March to become the youngest title holder in UFC history. But he was facing probably the hardest puncher around in Jackson.

Frightening and hilarious UFC former light heavyweight champion Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson has delighted MMA fans with bizarre interviews, police chases, and knockouts. His triangle-choke-to-powerbomb is the most insane countermove I have ever seen in any fight. Win, lose, or draw, Rampage is great entertainment.

Rampage is preparing for his upcoming light-heavyweight title match with Jon “Bones” Jones and suspects that there’s a rat in his crew.

Spill the dets Yahoo! sports:

(Jackson) said that made him wary that someone in his camp had been disloyal. But it wasn’t until recently, when he received a message from a fan on Twitter telling him that Jones had a spy in Jackson’s camp, that he began to consider it a possibility. It prompted him to make up the story about the injured hand to see where it would go.

Jackson said that four hours after he first made mention of the supposed injury, Silva, who was attending UFC 134 in Brazil, called his manager, Anthony McGann, to inquire. When McGann assured Silva that Jackson was not injured, he asked where Silva had heard the information.

To Jackson, the response was predictable: Silva said he had gotten a call from Jones’ manager Malki Kawa.

“One of my friends was talking to Jon Jones’ manager recently, and Jon Jones’ manager was saying that he knows everything that is going on in our camp,” Jackson said. “He said he had spies in our camp and he knew everything that was going on. That got me thinking.

“How did he know about my hand injury that fast? It wasn’t on the Internet, and yet he knew about my hand injury right away. The UFC people were in Brazil, which is why it probably took them four hours to call me. That shows me two things: They have spies in my camp, one, and two, they’re dumb as hell, because they didn’t know how to use the information correctly and to wait. He called right away, running to Joe Silva. Joe Silva called my manager right away.”

First, if Jones is indeed spying on Jackson’s camp then it should be addressed by a disqualification and a purse fine from Jones’ camp, as well as a ban for life from UFC for the culprit. Second, it’s not like it’s a big secret what Rampage’s strategy is anyway. He’s not going to put on a clinic, he’s going to stick and move, maybe do a slam or two; and basically use his power to try to get the KO. Rampage may just be paranoid.

(adjusts earpiece, kicks binoculars underneath chair)