Hill-Murray School football coach Mark Mauer was busted in a prostitution sting last week. He’s also the cousin of the Minnesota Twins catcher Joe Mauer. The best part about this story is his excuse after getting arrested.

According to the police report, Mauer arrived at the hotel about 7:30 p.m. and met with a female undercover officer. Mauer verbally agreed to pay the woman $100 for a half-hour of “full service,” the report said.

Mauer then told the woman he left his money in the car and had to go get it, police said. He was arrested when he left the room. When questioned, Mauer reportedly told police he was just “messing around” and didn’t intend to return to the room.

According to the report, Mauer said “he has done this a couple times in the past, where he calls women and then leaves without doing anything.”

Police said he had with him $100 and a bottle of unmarked pills that Mauer said were Viagra, a prescription drug used to treat impotence.

That excuse is almost as good as Andray Blatche’s “She was not dressed like a prostitute” and they were just “playing around”. Mauer’s attempt gets three Baltches. Good effort.

Before K-State survived, Syracuse was knocked out by Butler. 

Yeah, 75% of the country’s brackets were done last weekend, so we don’t care.  What I really care about is the deification of Gus Johnson.  What happened to this guy?  He’s not that good anymore.  A few years ago, he was solid.  Now, he’s just another screamer.  I found him almost unbearable last night. 

Meanwhile, Billy Raferty explained the origin of “onions.”

I, on the other hand, will never get tired of Billy Raferty.

Joe Mauer signed an 8-year $184M extension with the Minnesota Twins.

Couldn’t be happier for Twins fans; Mauer is a great player (even though his guaranteed $184M is roughly $32M more than what the team contributed to the funding of their new ballpark.  Thanks, Hennepin County!).  I just find it interesting that people are back-slapping the Twins for stepping up to the plate and taking such a big risk.  The recently- deceased owner was reportedly worth $3.6B.  Yeah, that’s a “B” for BILLION.  Excuse me if I’m not as obsequious.

Vicente Padilla, a true gentleman of the game.

Vicente Padilla will be the Opening Day starter for the Dodgers.

Apparently, Dean Wormer was wrong.  Fat, drunk and Plaxico is a great way to go through life.

Gilbert Arenas will be sentenced today.  

I wouldn’t be surprised if Flip Saunders hopes for the chair.

Tim Tebow was cursed at when he suggested a prayer before the Wonderlic test.

Tebow is denying the story and if I were him, I’d deny it too.  The dude scored a 22 out of 50.  Just to give that score some context, 24 is the average for NFL QBs.  Even this guy beat him.  Clearly, Jesus was busy that day.   

Phil Hughes will start the season as the Yankees’ 5^th starter.

Color me shocked.  If you followed the Yankees in spring training even somewhat closely, it was pretty easy to see this wasn’t really a competition.  And since most teams don’t need a 5^th starter until May, once again, I must ask: who cares? 

Tiger Woods will hold a press conference the Monday before the Masters.

Wrestlemania XXVI is this weekend.

Now, there are two unrelated places that could both use Gus Johnson.

This week was kind of a downer, yes, I know.  Treat yourself to Keith Law’s Top 200 Rock Songs of the 1990’s.  In addition to his encyclopedic knowledge of music, I’m fairly certain he’s one of the few people in the world who could make the Kansas City Royals a playoff team.  That’s a rare combination of talent.   Have a great weekend, enjoy the games.