Welcome to New York, ‘Melo. One good thing about him coming to New York is the fact that fans will be able to get something to eat in the Garden again. Eddy Curry’s off to Minnesota. If Prince isn’t careful, he might find himself covered in BBQ sauce and sitting in Curry’s belly like Jonah. You hungry muthafucka!
Anthony may be the half-savior of New York but he should still be initiated and hazed like anyone else joining a new team. Chelsea makes all new players and staff sing in front of the team. Maybe he can perform Q-Tip’s Knicks anthem:
Nah that’s way too easy. If Anthony’s not going to reenact the “Stop Snitching” video, he should be forced to remake this with Keenan Cahill, Isiah Thomas and James Dolan:
Making Anthony front JD and the Straight Shot would be cruel and unusual punishment. I would have mentioned Spike Lee but I saw him on stage at the Prince show in December. No one needs to see him dance again.
There’s a play-at-home version of “Reading Between the Headlines” that takes place everytime a player or coach uses curse words to make a point. Twice this week, we’ve been confronted with potty-mouthed professionals who used colorful language to express their feelings: Brandon Phillips and Rex Ryan. When reporting these incidents on ESPN, newspapers, or local media, producers and writers went out of their way to make sure they give you as much information as possible about the curse word without actually telling you what it is. So, when Phillips called the Cardinals “little bitches,” ESPN had no problem invoking the “female dog” explanation instead of using the word itself. This happens all of the time and it puzzles me: who are you protecting when you do this? This has got to be the ultimate, “wink, wink, nudge, nudge” in television, right? Granted, there are probably enough stupid people and young kids out there who have no idea what that means, but I’m guessing they know how to use Google. To this, I say: Whatever mainstream media, you just a bunch of scared little bitches.
As for my take: Phillips was a little inappropriate, but I love the onions it takes to say that stuff. It is a page right out of WWE Marketing 101 and it led to one hell of a brawl. And Rex Ryan? All I can say is that I wish he coached my team. Rex may not be the best coach in football, but he’s got a kick-ass attitude and he’s entertaining as hell. UPDATE: Good for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. On to some headlines:
Yeah, I’m sure there are a list of NBA teams looking for an injury-prone malcontent who has had multiple run-ins with the law. Nevermind, I just described the Denver Nuggets. Marshall will fit in just fine.
New USC Athletic Director Pat Haden said disgraced Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush “apologized and expressed regret” over accepting improper benefits while playing at USC.
And then Reggie Bush rolled over and went to sleep on a big pile of money next to a younger, less annoying Kim Kardashian look-alike. And in the morning, he put on his Super Bowl ring and walked out of his mansion, past the Heisman Trophy (that he still gets to keep) on his way to play professional football for the world champions in one of the coolest cities in America. I’m not crying for Reggie Bush nor should you. I just find it funny that the school that made millions of dollars off of him now wants to erase his existence because he broke the rules of being a ”student athlete.” Meanwhile, the university made millions of dollars off said student athlete. Interesting. Party on, Reg.
New Baltimore Orioles manager Buck Showalter won eight of his first ten games as O’s manager.
I’m happy for the Orioles and their fans for no other reason than it may draw attention away from the Ravens. On a side note, I came across the next tired Internet Meme, “[Insert surprisingly successful athlete here] Facts.” A few years ago, we had “Chuck Norris Facts.” Someone played off that and created “Matt Wieters Facts.” Ok, both were pretty funny because they were original, but do we really need “Adrian Beltre Facts” or “Buck Showalter Facts?” Next thing you know there will be “Yuniesky Betancourt Facts.” I will get us started:
Yuniesky Betancourt hates Bill James so much, he refuses to draw walks.
Imagine you are inflicted with a terrible disease that just crushes your body and soul for many years. Finally, after much work, and proper care, you’re able to get rid of this disease and begin building your body and mind back to where it was before you were sick. But then, in some sort of weird Stockholm Syndrome situation, you decide that because you lived so long with this debilitating disease, you just can’t imagine living life without it, so you decide to inject yourself with the sickness again. That’s this story. David Stern, as parental guardian, thankfully saved the Knicks from themselves. Now, Dan Snyder, don’t you go getting any fancy ideas about bringing ole’ Vinny back!
Ever weirder: the last U.S. male to win a Grand Slam tournament was Andy Roddick in 2003. While Roddick is still somewhat competitive, there doesn’t appear to be any big name talent after him. Many people blame the decline of men’s tennis on socioeconomic as well as cultural factors. I blame Agassi’s wig and the fact that he dumped Brooke Shields. What kind of example are you setting?!?!?!?! Then again, meth is a hell of a drug.
Everyone have a great weekend. If you need me, I’ll be grinding my feet into somebody’s couch.