Neighbors probably became nervous when Peter Postlethwaite showed up at their door to offer a proposition or just borrow some sugar. Kobayashi (not the competitive eater) succumbed to cancer yesterday at the age of 64. He was known to most as Kayser Soze’s right hand man but his career was much more than his supporting role in The Usual Suspects.

We’ll get back to the sports in a minute but we figured we’d learn you a bit about Postlethewaite. He played the father of Daniel Day-Lewis in In The Name of the Father. Language NSFW.

Postlethwaite was also wrecked by an alien in Alien 3. Unfortunately I couldn’t find YouTube of the kill. He was also in Jurassic Park 2: Electric Boogaloo, Amistad, The Constant Gardener and Inception.

Besides Postlethwaite’s movie work, he was also in numerous TV series. He made his start on stage and eventually returned to it in King Lear.

When these actors come through town on stage, go see them. It’s worth it. I’m talking actors like Postlethwaite and Patrick Stewart. Feel free to skip the Brendan Frasers. Then again if I have to tell you that, you’re already a lost cause.

The Guardian has a strong retrospective of clips covering Postlethwaite’s career. Check them out here.

UPDATE: A friend from Warrington just informed me that Postlethwaite is from Warrington and not Liverpool. He’s not the only one. Tim Curry is also a Warringtonian as is Ian Brown, formerly of the Stone Roses.

The infamous Rick Astley hails from there as well. That’s more than famous for those of you not in the know. You may know him from such hits as Together Forever and Cry for Help. You may even have been rickrolled.

She also informed me that Warrington is home to Britain’s first IKEA. They also have welly wanging competitions. I assumed that’s slang for wanking but apparently it’s “throwing a welly”. It’s “like tossing the caber”. Well that clears it up. That’s knowledge for life, people.

It’s been a minute since we’ve thrown a soccer roundup at you so let’s get to it. Get your proper soccer news and analysis elsewhere. Here come the dirt and gossip.

Nobody Circles The Whores Like Ashley Cole

You have to hand it to Chelsea and England defender Ashley Cole. He may be as dumb as a sack of tar balls but he certainly knows how to get over a nasty breakup. Just do what got you in trouble in the first place.

Cole’s ex-wife, Cheryl filed for divorce after repeated incidents of cheating by the star. That wasn’t going to keep him down. If he can’t have Cheryl, he’ll take the next best thing. A stripper who looks like Cheryl. Check and mate, woman.

“[Sarah Purnell] hasn’t got a bad word to say about him and has defended him when people have tried to have a go about Cheryl or the end of his marriage.

…Ashley has not done anything sleazy at all and has been extremely charming with her. He seems to really care for Sarah.

“He even told her she looks the spitting image of Cheryl but she’s getting used to that.”

Oh you stupid, stupid woman. Have fun with that and stay classy, Cashley. Every woman wants to hear that she looks exactly like an ex.

Adidas Strikes Back

Most people, even those who don’t follow sports religiously like we do, have seen the Nike “Write The Future” ad starring Nike’s impressive roster of soccer stars. Adidas came back with their version of the cantina scene from Star Wars. It may not have as many big soccer names as Nike’s ad but they make up for it with a strong lineup of musical heavyweights. See how many you can pick out, my nizzles.

Buffoona Buffoona Has Room For Benni McCarthy

Ashley Cole’s woman problems certainly haven’t hurt his form or place on the England squad in South Africa. Too bad the same can’t be said for West Ham and former South Africa striker Benni McCarthy.

McCarthy was cut from the South African national team (also known as Bafana Bafana) because he was overweight and physically out of shape. However, that wasn’t the only problem. It turns out he was also “entertaining girls” during training camp. Manager Carlos Parreira found out and bounced him and keeper Rowan Fernandez from the squad. The upside is McCarthy will now have plenty of time to entertain the ladies and have them stuff his face with bunny chow.** Winner winner bunny dinner.

**Bunny chow isn’t made from bunnies although we suspect that P.W. Botha and F.W. de Klerk demanded baby rabbits in their chow.

Let’s Take Another Opportunity To Laugh At Dimitar Berbatov