Damn that post title was forced but I got it in there like a boss. Can I still say that or is that over like welp and yolo? Solid.

It’s one thing when scousers rob the houses of their favorite soccer players and managers but it’s another when they go straight Mexican cartel. Alder FC might want to get Billy Blanks to join their team for protection after things got a bit Zeta before a game.

Alan Jopson, an amateur league player for Alder, was warming up for their match against Allerton FC when someone who took offense to his stretching routine and made sure there wouldn’t be a repeat performance.

An amateur footballer was gunned down by a gangland hitman in front of 150 spectators as he was warming up for a match with teammates.

Alan Jopson, 27, was doing stretch exercises just before kick-off at a playing field in Liverpool when the masked gunman calmly jogged on to the pitch and shot him in the legs.

The victim was hit three times in both legs and lay reeling in agony as the would-be assassin fled in a silver getaway car.

I imagine the gunman’s getaway looked a little something like this.

Police determined that the victim was the intended target but don’t have a motive. Well now they do. What’s the lesson here? Don’t freeball it while stretching in Liverpool. They’ll shoot ‘em if they can’t steal ‘em.

Oh fine. Here’s some Louis Armstrong since I referenced him. Learin’ The Blues with Ella Fitzgerald. Class up your morning, heathens.

“Son of a bitch miner! Why you don’t you just go home? That’s your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my Chilean ass! ” Happy Gilmore? No. Chilean President Sebastian Pinera to the recently rescued Chilean miners.

President Pinera along with a team of cabinet members and rescue workers took on “Los 33″ in a game of soccer where the winners would stay in the presidential palace and the losers would have to go down into the mine.

“We made a bet and as men we have to honor that bet and be true to our word,” a grinning Pinera told rescued miner Franklin Lobos, a former soccer star who watched videos of Pele and Maradona while trapped underground. “We will have to rescue you guys again.”

After taking a 2-0 lead, the miners — still recovering from their two-month ordeal — ran out of steam in the second half, allowing Pinera’s team of cabinet members and rescue workers to come back hard for a 3-2 win.

“The miners are great players … but they’re a bit out of shape,” Pinera joked.

Let’s see how much press coverage they get this time especially when it turns out that there’s no rescue coming.

Pinera is one cold bastard. Let them taste a little freedom, use them for some positive press then back in the hole to do it all over again. What better time to take on the miners than when they’re weak and sensitive to light? This sounds like something Kim Jong-Il would do except they would lose 33-0 and then get sent back to the mine. Actually he wouldn’t have rescued them in the first place. Never mind.