MMA Expert Turd Ferguson has tired of destroying MMA fighters.  He wants to go after something bigger: ESPN.

After a nice run in 1990′s, ESPN transmogrified into that abusive ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend, right Chuck Finley?) that you just wish like hell would go away for good. Sure, you still treasure the good times (Dan Patrick, Craig Kilborn), or the stuff that he/she still has that nobody else could offer (Monday Night Football, Tony Kornheiser) but you also recognize that the things that you liked at first (Chris Berman, Michael Wilbon) we’re never that good in the first place and are quickly destroying your life.

The “Worldwide Leader in Sports” (or just along the Eastern Corridor, Dallas, and the West Coast) recently inked a $300 million, 20-year television deal with the University of Texas.  For those of you looking for that Vince Young Longhornography, keep looking:

Non-athletic fare is likely to run for about three hours a day and include musical performances, plays, and documentaries by faculty members and students, Powers said. Details are yet to be worked out.

‘This will be high-level, entertaining cultural, music, scientific, Discovery Channel, History Channel kind of stuff,’ Powers said. ‘And we have a team put together working on it, and that will be done in collaboration with ESPN.’

Yes, because the last thing we would want on a sports channel would be sports, right? Remember the Alamo!

Also, ESPN is adding a new channel for the University of Texas and all viewers will get is one or two additional football games? That’s like when television networks try to air a cool movie, say “The Departed,” but then have to edit the hell out of it to the point where you are pretty much a lip reader by the end of the movie. What did he just say? GOD I AM SO LOST!

Or, they try to lure you in with movies of the week like “Goodfellas” but bombard you with weeknight schlock like “The Mummy Returns” or “Phone Booth.”  DECEPTIVE!

Similarly, how is Herm Edwards still employed? And why hasn’t anyone attempted to muzzle Chris Broussard?

Some mysteries in our universe will never be solved.

Remember the stories about George Bush waving at Stevie Wonder at a Presidential Gala in 2002? They may or may not be true but who cares. It’s not that hard to believe.

Unfortunately for Lee Corso, there’s clear video evidence to prove that he’s just as clueless as Bush. Watch him try to shake Jake Olson’s hand on College Gameday. Did we mention that Jake is blind?

Hee haw, jackass. Stay classy. Let’s not get completely self-righteous. We did laugh our asses off when we watched it but that doesn’t make it right. Not much of what we do is.

As if this storyline has not played out enough already, Kenny Mayne is now chiming in to beat this dead horse further into the ground.  Its Tom Brady hair vs Justin Bieber’s hair on “The Mayne Event” on ESPN this Sunday.

Its almost as if Kenny Mayne is now getting segment tips from Rick Riley in order to sustain some amount of relevance these days. How old is this non-storyline?  I’d be remiss if I didn’t include this clip of the show, but really, this topic is so old I am wondering if anyone even cares at this point.

Give it a watch, its quick and surprisingly the most painful thing about it is that Bieber is actually a worse actor than Brady.  Shocking really since watching Tom Brady “act” will make you think Peyton Manning is friggin Russell Crowe on stage. Anyway, here you go:

You know how in Madden when you perfectly time hitting the triangle or Y button and you leap over a defender? Yeah, this is like that. This is from last night’s Monday Night Football game where the Titans beat down the Cardinals 24-10.

Paris Rosen was owned by his bike when he tried to do a front flip during the X Games. The announcers talked about how he wasn’t confident before the jump and now we can see why.

Fortunately Rosen recovered in time to return to the arena the following day. Any crash you can walk away from is a good one. If anything, he should feel bad that he didn’t get enough air to make his shoes fly off like Jake Brown.