Lillian, the bitch is falling down the stairs again! It just doesn’t pay to fall down the stairs these days. Life Alert and witnesses are useless. Aunt Bunny got no help. Sergio Kindle was cut by the Ravens and now a soccer fan has received the super-ban, cousin of the super-injunction.

Francesco Fortucci is persona non grata at every stadium in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. Wbat was his impressive trangression? Falling down the stairs during the Edinburgh derby between Hearts and Hibs.

Did he take responsibility for his actions? Hell no.

The Jambos diehard took to Facebook to air his 
distress.

He said: “Entering a stadium while drunk. Currently banned from all stadia in UK . . . harsh.”

The barber had earlier told pals his alleged ban is indicative of everything that is wrong with the game.

He said: “There’s no denying it’s a sore one, however if I receive a banning order for simply falling then this will tell you everything that is wrong with Scottish football. I’m not the first person to fall down stairs at football and I won’t be the last.”

Mr Fortucci claimed that despite reports he had been helped back to his seat by Hearts ground staff, he had instead been taken straight from Tynecastle to a nearby police station.

He claimed: “Ushered back to my seat? P**h – try ushered down to St Leonard’s.”

You think doing a flip over the gate was good? Wait until we play Kilamrnock. I’m gonna triple lindy off the upper deck. If drunks can’t fall down the stairs at Scottish soccer games, we might as well call it a day. You want to know why Rangers is playing in the Third Division instead of the Premier League. Banning fans from celebrating their teams by diving down a concrete staircase. Float away, you fairy and let’s get pissed!

A fan managed to catch the fall and landing on his cell phone. Zapruder would weep if he were alive to see this video.

I loved living in Madison besides the winters. I had a great time and met people who I still consider good friends to this day. There were also a random cast of characters who were familiar to anyone who spent time living or hanging out in downtown Madison. One of them was nicknamed “Boot”.

Boot is the former owner of Jocko’s Rocket Ship Bar who’s currently serving time in federal prison for allowing his bar to be used as a coke den. However, few know that he used to be Bucky the Badger during his college days. His employment as Bucky came to an abrupt end when he got shitfaced before a Wisconsin game. He ended up puking and passing out. Did we mention he was wearing the Bucky costume at the time? Some good samaritans picked him up and threw him in the back of a pickup. They dumped his limp, drunken body on the chancellor’s lawn instead of taking him to the hospital or waiting until he woke up. Needless to say, he missed the game and was promptly fired.

That brings us to today and Penn State where the legend of Boot lives on in the Nittany Lion.

Current Nittany Lion mascot Clint Gyory was charged with one count each of misdemeanor public drunkenness and criminal mischief Aug. 24 in connection with an incident that occurred Aug. 1, the State College Police Department said.

Police said Gyory (junior-business management) had a strong odor of alcohol on his breath and registered a blood-alcohol content (BAC) of .187 at the time he was cited.

Gyory, 20, was intoxicated and crawled into the bed of a pickup truck on the 200 block of E. Fairmount Ave. where he passed out, police said.

Gyory also broke a rearview mirror off of a vehicle and took it, police said.

Gyory will not lion up for the month of September. There’s no confirmation on who will wear the Nittany Lion costume this weekend when Penn State plays Youngstown State. Whoever dons the outfit better be able to pick up where Gyory left off. Two years and running. Tradition has to start somewhere. We are Penn State! Well you are. I’m not.