Thats right, according to a British study sports talk radio and driving do not mix. If a driver is listening to sports talk radio while driving the loss in concentration can be equal to being drunk while driving. From the Houston Chronicle,

…motorists who listen to sports commentary on the radio experience a 20 percent drop in reaction time compared to non-fan drivers.

That drop in concentration, for a driver traveling at 70 mph, can add 20 feet to a car’s stopping distance – slightly exceeding, according to the Transport Research Laboratory study, the lost reaction time for a motorist driving at the legal limit for intoxication.

In other words, being a fan really can be hazardous to your health…

Who knew, right? Living in Washington D.C. I sold my car a long time ago, but when I did drive and listen to talk radio I don’t ever remember getting that into an on-air discussion and being all that distracted. Then again, I’ve also talked on my cell phone and/or texted while driving too, so I might not be the best one to talk to about distracted driving. Nevertheless, now that we know how dangerous this is, it must be stopped! Someone call Oprah!

Take this lesson to heart super fan! You with your call-in commentary and witty repertoire with the jockeys on the air, yeah i’m talking to you! For the love of God, listen to music while driving. If you listen to sports talk radio don’t drive, and if you are driving don’t listen to sports talk radio.  Do it for the children! THE CHILDREN!!

H/T to Freakonomics

Say what?  I know you’re looking at this and thinking that there is no way there is a sport that is named Dwile Flonking.  Well there is, its a pub game actually, and of course its from England.

Dwile Flonking consists of…well i’ll just let the newspaper tell you:

During the game, ”flonkers” use a pole to launch a beer-soaked cloth at opponents, with the aim of giving them a hearty wet slap in the face.

Rules state if their soggy missile misses its target twice in a row, the competitor must down a pot – or half – of ale as quickly as possible.

Thats right, the game is essentially opposite human beer pong. Instead of tossing a ping pong ball into a cup and making your opponent drink, you toss a soggy wet rag right onto your opponent’s face and drink if you miss.  How brilliant is this? Its beer pong brought down to its most basic elements! This is a far cooler bar game than icing some bro.

Scoring is as follows from their hilarious Wikipedia page:

+3: a ‘wanton’- a direct hit on a girter’s head

+2: a ‘morther’ or ‘marther’- a body hit

+1: a ‘ripple’ or ‘ripper’- a leg hit

-1 per sober person at the end of the game

Sadly for the sport, the inaugural tournament was cancelled due to health and safety reasons…but the real damage has already been done. Now America has picked up on it…and this game has only just started to take root into our consciousness. You can watch the video of it here on Youtube, and yes, for the game to work in America it’s going to have to be Americanized, like moshing instead of dancing and some metal music instead of flutes and fiddles, but I predict big things for Flonkers everywhere in the future.

Spread the word. FLONKERS UNITE!!

From Telegraph U.K.

As we glide into warmer weather and brighter days, we’re still stuck with a deluge of crappy stories.  I’m wondering when we’ll get a break from the sexual assaults, projectile vomiting, and the Baltimore Orioles.  Prepare for your weekend away from the mess with some headlines:

• Both the Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins lost their playoff openers.

Granted, it’s really early, and I’m pretty sure Game 7 for both of their series isn’t scheduled until the beginning of June, but I can’t think of a worse follow-up to the NHL’s success at the Vancouver games than to lose its two marquee players in the first round of the playoffs.  That would be devastating.  I consider myself fairly knowledgeable about sports, but if you asked me to name 100 current NHLers right now, I probably couldn’t do it.  The NHL needs a Caps-Pens matchup more than a USA medal finish in just about every way.

• A New Jersey man was charged with assault and harassment after allegedly making himself vomit on an off-duty police captain and his daughter.

New Jersey?  Phillies fan?  Drunk?  Too, too easy.  Very quickly, let me just check something:

Yep, big fat pig.  Have fun in jail, jerk.  And where was Green Man when you need him?  Speaking of which: dressing up as Green Man is TIRED.  Green Man first came on the scene in September 2007.  Since that time, I can say without a doubt, I’ve seen at least one attention-seeking pencil neck dressed as Green Man at each outdoor concert and sporting event I’ve attended.  Whatever happened to going to a game, having a few beers, betting on the condiment race and scoping out other dudes’ girlfriends?

• Jay-Z is suing David Ortiz after Ortiz named his Dominican nightclub after the rapper’s chain of 40/40 clubs. 

Rough month for Papi: benched by Tito Francona, he’s struck out in half of his at bats, and now he’s being sued.  I wonder if part of the settlement will include an agreement indicating who’s overpriced sinkhole gets to go out of business first.  Celebrity-themed restaurants and bars are almost always terrible tourist traps.  I will write more about this phenomenon one day.  Dan Majerle, you’re on notice.

• After appearing drunk and making disparaging remarks about Tim Tebow and Bill Parcells on camera, Jerry Jones apologized, calling his choice of words, “a sarcastic term of endearment.”

First of all: if you go to a bar and see a celebrity and you’re stalking doesn’t convince them to a) leave, or b) call the cops, please don’t record them.  It’s weird, it’s creepy and you’re ruining it for the rest of us.  I’ve hung out in places where celebrities have let loose and let me tell you: it’s awesome.  But as soon as you pull out a camera, you ruin it for everyone else.  Now Jerry Jones will never go to a public place and drink ever again.  See what you did, nerds?  Jerry, I’ll get drunk with you and you can call me a “piece of s—“ anytime you want. 

• As more sordid details emerge from Ben Roethlisberger’s big night out, owner Art Rooney II is preparing to discipline Big Ben after the draft.

We’ve discussed “Young Dummies with Money Syndrome” before, so I won’t get into it again, but I will say if there is a dumber guy in football than Ben Roethlisberger, I’d sure as hell like to meet him.  When you’ve got Terry Bradshaw giving you life advice, you must be really, really slow.  And how will the Steelers be punishing him?  By trading away their best receiver for nothing?  Never mind, they already did that.

• Boston’s Mike Cameron might miss time with kidney stones.

Whenever I think of kidney stones, I think of Kramer. 

JERRY: Hey!

KRAMER: Hey.

JERRY: What’s with you?

KRAMER: I got a stone.

JERRY: What stone?

KRAMER: A kidney stone.

JERRY: What is that, anyway?

KRAMER: It’s a, it’s a stony mineral concretion, formed abnormally in the kidney. And this jagged shard of calcium pushes its way through the ureter into the bladder. It’s forced out through the urine!

JERRY: Oh, that’s gotta hurt.

Indeed.  Have a great weekend.  Let’s hope for a weekend where everybody stays out of jail and keeps their pants on.