It’s a damn shame musicians stopped combining powers to raise money for charitable causes. I’m not talking telethons or some cause de célèbre which is nothing but a cash grab (shout out to Wyclef). I’m talking about singers joining forces and making music in hastily organized mobs to save the world. Remember Do The Muslim Kids Know It’s Christmas? How about We Are The World? Don’t give me that We Are The World 25 For Haiti mess. That’s lazy. Come with the original.

The lack of charity posse cuts stems from the fact that music no longer has selfless heroes. Everyone’s more concerned about making money for self through every available channel. Where are the Harry Belafontes and Bob Geldfofs of today?

We don’t need another hero? Wrong. We need another Dio. You read that right. Dio. How did I just found out about heavy metal’s contribution to the fight against famine called Hear N’ Aid? The word brilliant doesn’t do it justice. Witness the strength of Stars.

Dio. Dokken. Quiet Riot. Judas Priest. Queensrÿche. Y&T. Twisted Sister. W.A.S.P. Iron Maiden. Night Ranger? Whatever. A who’s who of heavy metal.

Stars has something like seven guitar solos. Not one. Not even two. Multiple solos donated to hungry African shorties. Throw some horns up for that.

Friday was the 28th anniversary of We Are The World. Has anyone asked the original USA for Africa participants whether they’d be interested in throwing a fundraiser for Dionne Warwick? Oof. Hear N’ Aid should have opened an IRA for… well, everyone involved. Last one standing gets the pot. Thanks for playing, Ronnie James Dio and Kevin DuBrow. We have some lovely parting gifts on your way home.

New to you heavy metal to start the morning. Now get out there and be somebody.

Note: Allow me to be serious for a moment. AllAfrica and USA for Africa are gearing up to commemorate the 30th anniversary of We Are The World. Harry Belafonte and Yvonne Chaka Chaka released a launch video to get the ball rolling. You can watch it here.

Who says hair metal is dead? Ronnie James Dio may have holy dived his way into the grave but Dokken is going strong. First they became the face of a Norton Anti-Virus ad campaign and now they’re avenging mascots who have been wronged. The University of Minnesota’s Goldy Gopher probably thought he was getting away with kicking another mascot in the ass. He was wrong.

Dokken…Wait. It’s not the band Dokken? Whatever. 60 year-old Douglas Dokken has been banned from several Minnesota sports facilities after punching Goldy in the face during a gymnastics meet.

During the meet, the University of Minnesota mascot sat behind Douglas Dokken, 60, and started “messing with him,” witness Barry Colthorpe said. Goldy tapped Dokken on the shoulder and ruffled his hair.

Colthorpe said Dokken was ignoring Goldy’s antics, but within a couple of minutes, he snapped, turned around and punched Goldy in the face.

Goldy froze, but within moments of the first punch, Dokken wailed another, forcing Goldy to leave the area.

First the Cincinnati Bearcat gets arrested and now this. Is there a c-o-n-spiracy against college mascots?

Dokken was cited with disorderly conduct and barred from the Sports Pavilion and Williams Arena for a year. Goldy can breathe easy for 365 days. All bets are off after that. Better call Jerome or Kevin Love for protection.