There’s a new IHOP in the West Village but can you order a new David Bowie single first thing in the morning? Hell no. They don’t even serve Moons Over My Hammy. Don’t worry. The Deuce got you.

“Where Are We Now?”, Bowie’s first new single in 10 years, dropped on his website early this morning to the delight of Twitter. Hopefully this will slowly move the circle jerk over AJ McCarron’s girlfriend off my timeline by the time the East Coast wakes up. Try it out with a grilled-cheese burger melt and some corn beef hash smothered in gravy.

The new album entitled The Next Day comes out March 8 in Australia and March 11 in the rest of the world except the US where it comes out on the 12th. The following is a statement on the single from his newly updated website:

Produced by long term collaborator Tony Visconti, ‘Where Are We Now?’ was written by Bowie, and was recorded in New York. The single is accompanied by a haunting video directed by Tony Oursler which harks back to David’s time in Berlin. He is seen looking in on footage of the auto repair shop beneath the apartment he lived in along with stark images of the city at the time and a lyric constantly raising the question Where Are We Now?

Speaking of Denny’s, when are they going to challenge IHOP’s push into New York City? If I’m going to eat breakfast in a NYC diner with patrons who look like the spawn of Mags Bennett and Beetlejuice, I better damn well be able to get a Lumberjack Slam. Why hit up Great NY Noodletown at three in the morning when you can try the IHOP on 14th St. between 2nd and 3rd Avenues? Bouncers, shit customer service and ice garnishing “hot” entrees await you and your drunk ass crew.

It’s usually around 9pm on New Year’s Eve that people sit down and start discussing how this New Year will be different.  ”Time to get back in shape!”  ”I’m going to finally make amends with my family!”  ”I am gonna finish that screenplay!”  By 12:30am, when you’re scouring the buffet table for left over appetizers whilst slurping down martini number twelve and trying to recall the name of the classy lassie you inappropriately groped at midnight, those resolutions seem like miles away.  ”It’s not January 1st yet!” you’ll drunkenly stammer (as you light that “one, last” smoke).  Well, we all know 365 days from now you’ll probably be sitting here saying the same thing — that’s easy to predict.  The year in sports?  Not so much.  Nonetheless, here’s how I think things might play out: Read the rest of this entry