I haven’t had any interest in watching Dancing with the Stars. The only times I’ve been seen it are when I’ve been forced to watch it by a significant other or my mom. Don’t tell me I don’t understand Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib detainees. I feel their pain like one of the Crimson Twins. I was willing to sell my family and friends up the river for a reprieve after only a few minutes. All that being said, my attitude could change towards the show if reports about next season come to fruition.

TMZ is reporting that DWTS is in negotiations with the former Ron Artest to appear on the show this upcoming season.

Nothing’s official yet — but sources tell us, both Artest and “Dancing” producers have been in touch to hash out a possible deal … and Ron’s pretty excited about the prospect.

But here’s the catch — “Dancing” won’t end ’til November and basketball season typically starts in October … which means if the lockout ends early, Ron could be S.O.L.

That said, Ron could theoretically handle both commitments simultaneously — because as TMZ first reported, “Dancing” producers are desperate for A-list talent … so there will be NO minimum rehearsal requirement next season.

Oh please let this happen. Artest may have changed his name to Metta World Peace but don’t act like you couldn’t see him blowing up over a low score from one of the judges. How long into the season would we have to wait until stories start coming out about him texting pictures of his dick to his dance partner?

Who’s going to tell Artest that’s not a dance move? Will he insist that they dance to one of his own tracks?

Hines Ward had Jerome Bettis or Franco Harris present to cheer him on. I don’t even know which one was be there. Artest would find some crazy fool to represent for him. I’d love to see a chimp in a Lakers jersey and Rec-Specs (shout out to Rambis) in the crowd every week. Maybe AC Green could show up and sit uncomfortably while the couples grind up on each other. You gotta feel sorry for his wife. His load probably blew her back out after being pent up for so long. She’s probably in physical therapy to this day.

Anyway, Artest on DWTS needs to happen. They might want to continue with the crazy and think bigger. Imagine deposed dictators as contestants. Too bad Saddam Hussein and Idi Amin are dead. They would be perfect. Warlords would make for great viewing. Some former Congolese rebel leader who eats chimps and people or a former Serbian general would liven things up. Don’t waste your time contacting your Congressperson about the debt ceiling. They’re all assclowns and you know it. Phone, email, fax or carrier raven ABC and tell them to get on board with this hotness.

Hey, did you hear?  The World Series ended last night.  Ok, maybe it didn’t — I wrote the majority of this before the game was over. Either way, you probably didn’t watch it, given that there was Monday Night Football on and probably some sort of inane reality show with a bunch of washed-up former 90′s actors prancing around in just-barely there leotards.  Well, guess what? I did watch the World Series and this is what I saw: Read the rest of this entry

In this episode of Seinfeld, George, finding himself obsessed with  Elaine, attempts to order baldness cream from the “Hair Restoration Clinic” in Beijing.  Because they don’t speak english, George spends several tortuous minutes over the phone attempting to purchase the cream.  At which point Jerry asks, “Why are you doing this?”  George responds, “Why do I do anything?  Tsss…For women.”

And thus, Erin Andrews is one reason why millions of men will get out of bed everyday just to fight the good fight at work, school, or whereever.  Happy to see her back out there and enjoying herself.

Anything Marvin Hagler can do, Mike Tyson can do better. If Marvin Hagler can become an Italian icon, you know damn well Iron Mike can the same. First step towards Italian domination: Dancing with the Stars.

Next step: Prime Minister. Silvio Berlusconi has been prime minister multiple times in a country where every has a turn. The office has changed hands over 40 times since Mussolini. If someone like that clown can lead the country, there’s no reason why Tyson can’t have a go. “Iron” symbolizes law and order. Forza Iron Mike!